Crossdressers-Haven.com

http://www.geocities.com/Sissy-Cheri/Th ... ssing.html

I'm sure many of you have read this article already. It's on the link page, it may have already been the topic of discusion, if so sorry.
I'm just interested to get anyone elses opinion on what is written.

I felt as though the author had just written a biography on me!

Hi Tara,

I'd read this before. Yes, it's a good article... as far as description is concerned. There's nothing in there we, as crossdressers, don't already know. (And the author is right: we don't talk enough about the link between our crossdressing and our sexuality in general.)

While this is all well and good, what I, for one, have decided to focus on over the past several years is, given that this is indeed who and what I am, what can I do, what concrete steps can I take, to feel better about myself? This quest for a healthy sense of self-esteem has lead me to explore, truly and deeply, who I am. I've become a better person for all this soul-searching.

And that's the bright, luminous side of crossdressing.

Thanks for posting the link, Tara.

Love,
CJ

Hi Tara,

Yes, thank you for the link. I actually had not read this until now. And I read it through twice to be sure I was understanding the author's views.

I agree with CJ that in general it is a good, thoughtful article but contains little that I didn't already know. And, yes, we don't talk enough about certain subjects.

I was a bit troubled that it seemed to indulge in some of the "sweeping generalizations" that many of us don't care for. And, I believe that a few of the points made were somewhat exagerated.

Yes, there is a certain dark side to crossdressing. While it is true that:

Some CDs come to swim in an exclusive crossdressing milieu. That milieu sometimes exhibits a herd mentality which uses peer pressure to challenge its members to press envelopes and engage in activities that aren't altogether wise or salutary

I think there are plenty of examples of this same behaviour in society in general. It is not exclusive of crossdressers and it pains me to see an article that would present that idea without a balanced approach. What come to mind are some of the neo-conservative paramilitary groups. If they are not an example of "a herd mentality which uses peer pressure to challenge its members to press envelopes and engage in activities that aren't altogether wise or salutary" then I don't know what is. Similar behaviour can also be found in the drug culture and many other areas.

But, like CJ, I believe that most of us prefer to take steps toward self acceptance and self improvement. And, through those efforts, to become better members of the human race.

Hello Tara, CJ, and Kathy,

I had never seen the link before---as I looked at all the graphics and bijillion other things to look at in the margins, I realized how different this Forum is. This place is different than that. I'm lucky that this is the first one I stumbled on back in the spring. I like the simple format here---I feel it showcases the content of what we say better.
As far as the link goes:I found the background graphics distracting from the text. There were parts of the text that were heartfelt. I was glad to read it.

I did, like you had all mentioned, find myself thinking--" I can relate to that!" but must admit, like was said, that the things I felt that about were not really anything new as far as thoughts go. A good record for someone whose experience might not have shown those things to.
Sure there is a dark side to CDing.
---it is the interplay between the dark side and the light side of anything that creates a TENSION.

I have stated in other posts that I feel this to be a prime motivator. A quality motivator especially for EXPRESSION.

I think Elevating focus is about harnessing this tension.

The duality that encompasses light/dark is an ancient idea. It isn't a logic statement.

We are lucky that we don't need to rely solely on logic to feel understanding of ourselves:

--the light, the dark---and the pendulum rides that are our lives.


Logic alone is a dark-horse. I think I'd like to Teach that horse to dance.

Is this what is meant by " SEIZE THE DAY??!!"---- When These hoof-drums keep us dancing along instead of sadly questioning an ill-fated design??!!!

I say yes to the darkside of CDing and YES to the light side too...

and if I fall off the razors edge one side or the other sometimes:

---I'll remember the great and earnest friends I have met here and will NOT feel alone.

We can, all of us, humbly climb on rungs of compassion---through most anything.

We can.

The frailty of our souls is what links us together. All people.

--you are especially good kind, people here.

This kind of support is real.
We SHOULD stick together.

because Our path is real too. -------everyone's way has some self-fueled-darkness.

This is ok I think. Designed that way on purpose.


--------------8) Tea-cake

Sadly, nothing is so enlightened that it can't be corrupted. There are a million examples of this.

*sigh*

Hi TaraCD,

I read that article before I found this place. It's only real value was to know that someone went through the same guilt and shame that I did. I found comfort in this. However the authors message starts out political declaring himself a heritic to the crossdressing establishment. This told me his intentions were other than to educate.

The Author wrote:

Well, the party line in the CD community is that crossdressing is healthy and even therapeutic. It is practiced by ultra-sensitive men who are lucky enough to possess "feminine" souls. CDs dress because it gives their inward female psyches an outward manifestation. Under this view, all problems connected with crossdressing stem from social intolerance. Society is bigoted. If the world were more accepting of human differences and distinctions, and less caught up in arbitrary and nonsensical gender roles, crossdressers wouldn't have any problems at all.

The Party line? Who's party? I have been involved in many discussions and have yet to see a consenses on anything. I also would not agree that all crossdressers are "ultra sensitive men". And there are plenty who don't feel "lucky" to possess a feminine soul. In fact, I have never heard anyone say that it was thier soul that was feminine. He goes on to say "all" problems are agreed to be caused by "social intolerance". This must be his view, because I have not seen this in practice. In fact it is my belief that social intolerance is over played to frighten us into not crossdressing in public. My experiences in public have been about 99% positive. Much more so than in boy mode.

Is society in general bigoted? Sure, but not just against crossdressing. There are all kinds of social bigotry. Try being any religion other than Mormon and live in Salt Lake City. Go to the south where anyone who does not have a southern accent is a "yankee"

To say that society being accepting would mean "no problems at all" for crossdressers, seems to me to be very simplistic, narrow, and of course, not true.

He then goes on to tell what I would say is a very common experience among crossdressers. But let us not forget that our brothers who went through puberty not wearing our sisters or mothers clothes, did in fact look at pornography, fantasized about things that would embarass them, felt guilt and shame for masturbating and stuggled with these new feelings of sexuality, just like us.

The Author wrote:

Some let their crossdressing jeopardize important personal relationships and responsibilities. Some let the desire to dress turn them into social pariahs who reject the straight world entirely and rely solely on other CDs for companionship, direction, and support. Some CDs come to swim in an exclusive crossdressing milieu. That milieu sometimes exhibits a herd mentality which uses peer pressure to challenge its members to press envelopes and engage in activities that aren't altogether wise or salutary.

Here I am just amazed that I am accused of rejecting the straight world? It is me who seeks peaceful coexistance and society that seeks to extinguish the likes of me not to upset the herd mentality. And the bit about peer pressure is just silly. I live in southern California where it never snows, and even if it did no one would know how to drive in it. But on the freeway are countless four wheel drive vehicles that have never been in four wheel drive, and never will be. But instead are jacked up, accessorized so men can try to measure up. Now that seems like an activity that is not wise or salutary. And while I am on the subject? What exactly is salutary reason for bungee jumping? A not so wholesome, unbenificial act brought on by peer pressure from a herd mentality.

This is a well written ariticle, but it's intentions are not to help crossdressers, IMHO it is political in nature only and contains almost no true or particularly useful information.

Love always,
Elizabeth