Just wondering

[Laura Ashcroft]

Over the last 31 year of CD'ing, and no one to talk to about it, I have done a lot of reflection on who I am and why I do what I do. I think it is because women have emasucalted me emotionally. They are the ones with the power. I am not a georgeous hunk of a man, I don't have women falling over me or banging my door down. Women on the other hand, are constantly admired, hit on, etc. Most of them can have their pick of men. I think I(we) want a part of that. We want to feel attractive, we want people to admire us and fawn over us, so we dress in a style we find attractive. I personally am straight, very straight. I adore women. I have never had much luck with women, but dressed as a woman, I feel attractive. I have seen myself in the mirror, and I know I am not an attractive woman, so, I don't look in the mirror anymore. Without the mirror, I can be the woman I want. I have the perfect GF\spouse. She is always with me, will never leave, accepts all of me, and comforts me when I am sad. That is not an easy thing to give up. I am just wondering if this strikes a chord with anyone here. Do we do this for the same reasons?

[Terri(SO)]

I have heard this from my CDer. Women have such power over men. Where did this come from? Women have been subjugated throughout history. We have the power to give love or not? Withhold sex or not? Perhaps if you see only the perfect (according to the media) women who you haven't had any luck getting to bed, I can understand why you might feel emasculated. However, I have a feeling that you do not even see all the rest of us. Probably 85% of the female population of the US are left feeling like we are, what's the female equivalent of emasculated, because we don't fit that perfect media mold.
I feel lucky, I found a man who, although he felt like you, that women hold the power (hah! He's the one making $100K a year, not me!), I think I've been able to show him we feel the same way about men. Additionally, in helping him learn that being a woman is not all fun and games -- girdles, heels and make-up are a LOT of work -- he has been able to help me embrace the femininity inside me. Whatever power there is, is necessary to control the inner turmoil, not men.

[Loretta Ann]

Good post Laura

In my world women do not have the power, any more than men have the power. I know some women who have more power than some men, but I also know some men who have more power than women. And I also know some people who have next to no power.

Being in line with who I am, that is dressing in line with who I am gives me power, being as I have less stress to deal with as a result, but that has nothing to do with women having more power.

Perhaps you could elaborate on how it is you think women have more power?

[Lorna]

Hi Laura,

Great post! In terms of having been "emasculated" by women, I don't know if that was the case with me per se, but then again I grew up with two sisters and no brothers. And all three of my cousins were female. So there was definite female domination during my childhood years.

I was always having it thrown in my face that "girls are pretty, boys are messy", "girls mature faster than boys" , "sugar & spice & everything nice" vs "frogs & snails & ppuppy dog tails". And everything put out there that was soft and/or pretty was always FOR GIRLS ONLY.

In terms of my teen and young adult years, I too have felt completely undesirable and unattractive to women (from late 80s thru most of the 90s) I did have relationships but none of them lasted very long. And I was always fed the same old "it's not you, it's me" routine from every girl I was ever fortunate enough with whom I could even LAND a date.

Then after a broken engagement which initially left me emotionally shattered, something wonderful happened. I introduced Lorna to the public.

Not only was I able to indulge in my lifelong fantasies of partaking in all that was "soft and pretty" (dresses, makeup, etc) but I was suddenly very desirable. Suddenly I started hearing "you're so cute" or "you're so pretty I wish I looked like you". This fed my confidence in such a way that I was even able to go out dressed and meet & date accepting, open minded GGs!

It took me having to dress like a woman in order to meet women. Ironic or what?

Even if you don't have the desired physical features (none of us does) of whatever "attractive" may be, that important thing is that you FEEL attractive. I know that I'll never be a size 2 but I still like to go out and strut my stuff.

The important thing is that you FEEL beautiful, inside and out, and people will feed off of that positive aura. But even more important is that you have a supportive wife who loves and supports you.

I don't know about you, but if I had a special someone as you do, then I would feel like the most beautiful person in the entire world!! She is your gift. Continue to cherish her.

[CJ]

Hi all,

Laura,

Interesting post. Hmmmm... I think I agree with MG on this one; maybe it's more the idea we have, as men, of the alleged aura of mystery and power surrounding women that lies at the source of our feeling intimidated (or emasculated, as you put it) rather than any real power they may have. Most of the women I know have no such power (and those that do, don't use it in quite the same way I imagine a man would).

If you're talking about some kind of much vaunted "erotic" superiority, I'm not sure women have this any more than men do, when it comes to the "game" of seduction and the "rules" of attraction. And, yes, I speak as a heterosexual male. The vamp who's able to twist the "feeble" male of the species around her little finger--a Hollywood trope, if there ever was one--isn't a type of woman I've ever met... and most of my friends are women. On a personal note (and I hope this isn't too much info for the good folks here), when it comes to the purely sexual aspect of my life, I do have a slightly submissive streak and it tends to come out in bedroom play, as does my partner's assertiveness. But that's just what it is, a form of play. In my life beyond the boudoir, I tend to become very aware of the role power (sexual, social, psychological, or otherwise) plays in my relationship with the women in my life--most of whom are feminists.

When you look at women through the eyes of male desire and longing (whether that longing is for a femininity--and remember: femininity doesn't necessarily equal womanhood--that is outside of you or within you), then, of course, women become an "object" of desire. This confers power on women AS objects of that desire. That goes without saying (and there's nothing wrong with that... in its proper time and place). Yet, when you look at women through the eyes of a simple human being (which, in my case, is most of the time), what you see simply becomes another human being--with her own flaws and qualities, her own power or lack thereof, her own frustrations and joys, her own autonomy. You see her in pretty much the same way you look at yourself--as a self, not just a body, not just a mind, not just a mystery. (I guess it must be obvious that I think Freud should've just tried to befriend more women; he would've discovered that, in the end, women don't really want anything all that different than what men supposedly do, which is... well, who the heck knows? )

Okay, I guess this has turned into a bit of a rant. Sorry. Please note, Laura, that none of this is particularly directed at you. Far from it. It's just that this point has been raised before and, when it comes up with a new twist like this (emasculation--and MG is right... it's very telling that there's no corresponding word to describe how women feel when they're made to feel less of a woman), I can't help but pipe up. These are my thoughts, anyway. It's strange, this split inside my soul; as a crossdresser, I try to appear as the prettiest woman I can, yet I know, deep down inside, that clothes don't make the woman any more than they do the man. I guess I live with this by seeing myself as Christina in the same way I do when I look upon myself as Daniel--a form of joyous "theater of the soul," parts I play in the comedy/drama that is my own life.

Again, Laura, interesting thread. Thanks for bringing it up.

Love,
CJ

[Laura Ashcroft]

From my experiences, women hold the cards. Unless a guy is drop dead gorgeous, it is very difficult for him to "pick up" a woman. A woman on the other hand, can go out any night of the week, and if she wanted bring a guy home. She can take that as a one night stand, or build it into a bigger relationship maybe. A guy can't really do that, not me at least. Women are also very smart. I have learned this. They can be cunningly evil, and they can play a man like a fiddle, getting what they want from him. Maybe I am just too naieve and gullible, I was married forever. The single scene has opened my eyes to women, and how they can manipulate situations. It is really pretty incredible. Don't get me wrong, I adore women(good hearted women), and I am in awe of most women, but I do see they play this hidden game, where they let the man think he is control, but really she is controlling the game. This is what I mean by women have the power.

[Loretta Ann]

Laura,

Yes there are many women like you have described out there, But they have absolutely no power with the likes of me, as I will have nothing to do with them, other than to give them the time of day sort of thing.
Fortunately there are women out there who are not like that.

[Ginny]

Hi Laura,

Great post! In terms of having been "emasculated" by women, I don't know if that was the case with me per se, but then again I grew up with two sisters and no brothers. And all three of my cousins were female. So there was definite female domination during my childhood years.

I was always having it thrown in my face that "girls are pretty, boys are messy", "girls mature faster than boys" , "sugar & spice & everything nice" vs "frogs & snails & ppuppy dog tails". And everything put out there that was soft and/or pretty was always FOR GIRLS ONLY.

In terms of my teen and young adult years, I too have felt completely undesirable and unattractive to women (from late 80s thru most of the 90s) I did have relationships but none of them lasted very long. And I was always fed the same old "it's not you, it's me" routine from every girl I was ever fortunate enough with whom I could even LAND a date.

Then after a broken engagement which initially left me emotionally shattered, something wonderful happened. I introduced Lorna to the public.

Not only was I able to indulge in my lifelong fantasies of partaking in all that was "soft and pretty" (dresses, makeup, etc) but I was suddenly very desirable. Suddenly I started hearing "you're so cute" or "you're so pretty I wish I looked like you". This fed my confidence in such a way that I was even able to go out dressed and meet & date accepting, open minded GGs!

It took me having to dress like a woman in order to meet women. Ironic or what?

Even if you don't have the desired physical features (none of us does) of whatever "attractive" may be, that important thing is that you FEEL attractive. I know that I'll never be a size 2 but I still like to go out and strut my stuff.

The important thing is that you FEEL beautiful, inside and out, and people will feed off of that positive aura. But even more important is that you have a supportive wife who loves and supports you.

I don't know about you, but if I had a special someone as you do, then I would feel like the most beautiful person in the entire world!! She is your gift. Continue to cherish her.

Lorna

so true, so insightful, bless you.

take care sweetheart

Ginny

[Laura Ashcroft]

I don't know if you have read my other posts, but my SO dumped me yesterday. So I don't have that person to cherish today, or for her to cherish me. I am pretty damn sad, and feel alone, and rejected AGAIN.

[Loretta Ann]

Sorry to hear that Laura.

There seems to be a lot of that happing here lately.

[Lorna]

Uh Laura, I think this is where the confusion originated. You said:

I have the perfect GF\spouse. She is always with me, will never leave, accepts all of me, and comforts me when I am sad.

Upon initially reading this, anyone would think you were referring to an SO and not to yourself.

[Elizabeth]

Laura,

I just read this thread and I thought I knew what I was going to say. But as I continued to read the posts of my other sisters here, combined it with your post, I find I have lost my position on this issue.

I need to think about this some more, but would really like to respond when I do. This has really got me thinking about a lot of things that I thought were a certainty, that I may now not feel are.


Again I am so sorry about your loss. I know the loss of losing the one we hold dear.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

I have always felt, and was recently arguing with my best friend that women have all the power. There is the old saying "They control all the sex, and half of everything else".

When you see men of great wealth and power, i.e. Donald Trump, Hue Hefner, give up thier wealth and power for a woman, it becomes clear just how much power women wield over us.

There are a lot of men I know, the only reason they are successful or work at all is to provide support, or additional support to a woman, or women. Another old saying, "behind every sucessful man, is a woman, who made it necessary".

We do indeed have a instinctual desire to provide for and protect women. However, in my case, desiring to dress as a woman and in fact a desire to be a woman can and does complicate the perception of our role. It is not just an issue of money.

My troubles in my marriage did not start when I stopped brining money and resources into our family, in fact I have never stopped doing that. It was when I actually stopped working outside the home. My efforts inside the home were totally discounted, because they were not seen as being within my desinated role.

Instead they were seen as an intrusion into my wife's role. So the issue of being emasculated is not well defined. Is it my wife thinking I am less of a man, or be trying to be more of a woman than her?

I know that my wife feels that between crossdressing, me not working and being the primary care taker of our children. Me taking care of all school functions. Doing all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, and making sure homework and chores get done, gives her the argument that it is me defeminizing her, by stealing her role.

On top of that I am willing to shave my legs everyday, put on makeup before I leave the bedroom in the morning, and wear heels when I don't have to.

Yes, I have always felt intimidated by women. Too many times the girl I liked would start telling me about the boy she wanted to date, instead of considering as that person. I always became the best friend, instead of the romantic interest. I guess it was just my feminine side shining through.

In the end, I find there is no real power other than that bestowed upon us by those who love and trust us. Any other power is pretentious, and is not real power at all.

Now! I think, that is what I think.

Love always,
Elizabeth