Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi everyone,
I'm Daniel, 53 years old, married and a crossdresser. I came out to my wife a little over a week ago and we're trying to slowly work thru understanding the why's and how come's to get to acceptance.

I started crossdressing when I was about 14 years old. Started with my mothers pantyhose and then on to my sisters bras and panties. It has been a roller coaster ride ever since. I tend to write a lot so I will save my story.. maybe just start a blog, for another forum.

Anyway, glad to be here... feeling better every day since I came out... cheers! Dan

Hi Daniel, to the haven, glad that your wife is trying to understand your fem-side with you. There are lots of girls here for you and some so of cdrsers that your wife could chat with also. We all have so many stories of how we started, why, where when how, its our inner feelings, and they don't go away so enjoy, take your time and learn with us. Come join us in chat sometime, take care and merry xmas

Thanks for the warm welcome Nicole Rose.

It hasn't been easy but luckily for me I know my wife is a little more opened minded than most. Her best friend from high school is gay and she has never judged him or his partner but has stayed close friends for many years. I grew up in NYC and have friends and relatives that are gay or lesbian so my generation in my family are quite opened minded compared to others.

Her issue she said after I came out is that she can accept men who crossdress.. the difference is it not some guy but her husband! It's little steps from here on out as she comes to understand and accept my gender variance and establish boundries. I had her read My Husband Wears My Clothes for a start. That raised a quite a few questions that I honestly answered. I have more for her to read but I don't want to inundate her. A little at a time and a lot of patience.

Dan

Hi Danielle, aboard.

Hi Daniel,

The fact that you and your wife are discussing this is absolutely positive. As you’ve mentioned, boundaries will exists, and respecting one another is key. As you will see there are many different scenarios among the members and their wives/SOs here. I’m sure you’ll be able to find others who’ve had similar situations and experiences. Personally, I’m one whom has a SO who’s understanding of my femme side. However, she does have limitations. As she puts it; “I fell in love with a man, not a woman”.

I’m deeply in love with my SO, but she is also my “friend” whom I completely trust. The compromises in our relationship are based on understanding and acceptance. However, we both know that if any of our agreements become a hardship we would definitely reconsider what’s really important to us as individuals.

I always remind myself; “I may be able to influence others, but I cannot change anyone”. Ha-ha, the reality of it is that I don’t even want to try to change someone else as that would simply be too much work, lol.

Hi Daniel, to the Haven. You will find lots of support here for you and your wife. Read through the forum you may find many answers to the questions we all have asked. Come to the chat room and ask us we will answer you. Your wife can join also, we always welcome SO's. Many Blessings.

Welcome, Daniel.

In your post about waiting, you said you were having trouble waiting for your CDing stuff to come. I don't like waiting either - and have suffered like that over CDing stuff. Waiting for that to come is one thing, but waiting for your wife to come to some sort of conclusion about the CDing is another.

I know how tough waiting for another person to come to some sort of decision can be. If you are having trouble, please come here and whinge about it rather than push your wife.

And a very warm welcome Daniel. I have accepted my femme side a while ago. So nice to be among girls who understand what and how you feel about yourself. Coming out is a first step for you. Like Nicole said, join us in the chat room. We would love to have you there. Like Nicole said, the feelings to dress and be yourself never go away. So don't fight it because you can't.

Hi Daniel. Pleased to meet you. It is great that you have come out to your wife. Allow the issues to take their time to sort through. Go at your wife's pace. Slow and steady wins the race.

Daniel George. Great to have you here among us. Coming out is always a big step, with fear of the unknown, but in my life it has only opened doors, wide open.

Once you and your wife are okay and you are completely open and honest you will both enjoy life together.

Erin.

And thanks to all for the warm welcomes,

My wife is still quite taken aback but she is working with me. She is making an honest effort to understand but yes, it will take time. I've been carrying this around with me for 40 years... she's up to day 10. We talk about every other day or so about my gender variance and where it will take me and us. She reads a little here and there, thinks about it for a day or so, and then asks several hard questions. It's really hard and stressful but I answer them honestly. She sometimes doesn't take it well at first but after she absorbs it a while, she seems to accept it to a certain degree simply because I am being honest.

I think some acceptance is creeping in as she is starting and discussing boundaries. How much does she want to see of my under clothing. We decided that I will keep it out in the open, we live alone btw. If I keep it hidden away in a box in the garage, then it feels like I am hiding something from her. Makes sense. She asked if I was going to wear a bra as part of my underdressing. I said yes.... what about breasts? I said yes, breast forms to fill the bra in. She had to absorb that for a while. I explained that it was important to the feeling of being feminine. Men have his male parts between his legs but men and women both wear underpants of some sort but, women have breasts and wear a bra for support whereas men do not so it is inherently feminine thing to wear. She seemed to understand the logic there.

We will both need to see a therapist to help wrap this around our brains. Of course I dumped this on her right before the holidays so we will just have to wait a little longer before we can get that online.

Dan

Hi, Daniel, and welcome to the Haven!


- SL

To all and sundry... DanielGeorge will now be DanielleM.. just Danielle in chat would be great. I felt awkward.. my wife asked not to have to acknowledge me when dressed in a fem name, but a fem name here online is acceptable... boundaries.

Hello and welcome Danielle!

I'm the one who suggested he come up with a female name so that when we go shopping together I can say "this would look great on ...." rather than saying "on you". Other shoppers over hear your conversations even when you're trying to be discreet so that helps. I do, however, have trouble referring to him as "her" even when dressed en femme.