hi, from karen

Jessica_Karen · Post by **Jessica_Karen** » Sat Jul 10, 2004 3:29 pm

just found the forum a few days ago. (okay, i haven't really been looking very hard), but i wanted to say hello. i haven't even had time to realy peruse many of the posts here, but this looks like the place i need to be right now. i've been cross dressing since my early teens...very deep in the closet. recently my wife discovered the secret, (married 28 years--today, as a matter of fact), and she was pretty upset. lots of questions (that's good, i'm told), but definitely notready to accept this as part of our relationship. as for me, well, i am who i am, and i'm more than okay with that. in fact, i've reached the stage in my life where i need to explore this side of me and finally be whoever i am. (i'm not quite sure...not quite male...not quite female...somewhere in between.) whatever i find out about myself will be okay, but i'm afraid of the cost the family may have to pay. that's one of the reasons i'm here. i need a safe place to talk some of these issues out, and to learn from others. i'm guessing this all sounds pretty familiar to many of you.

oh, yes, and we're going into counselling, my wife and i. (i know someone will suggest that, so i just wanted to mention that we're already onto it. our first session is scheduled for next week.)

enough for now. glad to have found you.

love,

Angie · Post by **Angie** » Sat Jul 10, 2004 4:14 pm

Hello Karen,

Welcome to the forum. You have certainly found a supportive group of folks. Many here have (or are going through) what you are dealing with now. Wives and significant others run the gamut from not accepting, to totally accepting, to somewhere in the middle. My SO falls somewhere in the latter category. That you've been married for 28 years says alot about the strength of your relationship thus far.

You didn't state how your wife discovered Karen, but I'd say you're already better off having the cards out on the table. The main thing for both of you to understand is that you're the same person you were before being discovered. Your love for your family has not changed one bit. Sure, that's small comfort for the wife who is suddenly confronted with all the stereotypes associated with crossdressing (my husband wants to be a woman, my husband is gay, etc., etc.). Crossdressers are like everyone else. We're all different.

Your decision to seek counseling is a wise one, but please make sure that the counselor has some experience dealing with TG issues.

We all wish you well on your journey. Let us know how we can help.

Take care

Angie

Love (SO) · Post by **Love (SO)** » Sat Jul 10, 2004 4:42 pm

Hi Jessica_Karen,

Welcome to the forum

Glad you have joined us!

jessica_karen wrote:recently my wife discovered the secret, and she was pretty upset.

It might also be beneficial to your wife to join also, there are many wives (SO's) here. (I know this forum has been very helpful to me)

My husband and I did counseling for a while as well, I found it to be very helpful. Good communication skills are needed, as well as being open and honest (from now on) with each other about how you both are feeling.

P.S. Happy 28 th Anniversary

Kathy · Post by **Kathy** » Sat Jul 10, 2004 4:57 pm

Hi Jessica_Karen,

Welcome to the forum. You are definitely in the right place.

CJ · Post by CJ » Sat Jul 10, 2004 7:05 pm

Hi Jessica,

Welcome to the forum!

I hope you find what you're looking for, here. We're a very supportive bunch of people.

I look forward to hearing how things will turn out for you--hopefully for the best.

Love,
CJ

Jassmine(SO) · Post by **Jassmine(SO)** » Sat Jul 10, 2004 7:23 pm

Love (SO) wrote:

It might also be beneficial to your wife to join also, there are many wives (SO's) here. (I know this forum has been very helpful to me)

My husband and I did counseling for a while as well, I found it to be very helpful. Good communication skills are needed, as well as being open and honest (from now on) with each other about how you both are feeling.

P.S. Happy 28 th Anniversary

Hiya Jessica,

to the forum.

And I agree %110 with Love on both counts.

Happy Anniversary !

*Hugs*

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Sat Jul 10, 2004 7:57 pm

Hi Jessica,

Here.

Kristen · Post by **Kristen** » Sat Jul 10, 2004 10:35 pm

Hi Jessica, Sorry to hear that you wife of 28 years is so upset, I will pray for your relaionship to not only endure but prosper . Glad you are going to councilng, together. Being married for 28 years says alot for both of you. Please let us know how you and your wife are coping Welcome again ,this forum is the best for you and your wife.........Kristen

Jessica_Karen · Post by **Jessica_Karen** » Sun Jul 11, 2004 1:36 am

just wanted to say thank you to all of you who posted replies of welcome. (wow!) obviously an active website. that will be really helpful.

i take your point about the importance of open and honest communication, but after a lifetime of secrecy, especially knowing how all this upsets my wife, this is not going to be an easy shift. one thing that i hadn't thought much about yet was the suggestion that we ensure we choose a counsellor with tg experience. good point.

my main purpose in visiting here will be to read, listen, and learn. i don't want to violate her need for trust by discussing the intimate specifics of the relationship. but there seems to be the possibility that she may find some support here, too. any suggestions on how i might gently direct her to the site?

thanks again for the welcome!

Rebecca · Post by **Rebecca** » Sun Jul 11, 2004 3:43 am

Hi Karen,

Welcome to the board, I, and my partner ~D~ ,wish you and your wife all the best in the world. I suppose at the moment she could very well be in a state of shock about the discovery, though the SO's on the forum would be better informed about that aspect. The concern is that if she doesn't know about this site, when she does find out, she could see it as another secret and maybe be a little vexed. The pages for the SO's would be a good start. One way could be to explain that youv'e found a very inoffensive site that deals with all aspects, including couples, wives etc. that has a wealth of information available. It's just one possibility.
I do understand what you say about disclosing information to the forum, I don't disclose anything about ~D~ or even mention her name without permission on a given subject.

Does she know your femme side is called Karen ?

All best wishes
Rebecca xxx

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Sun Jul 11, 2004 9:02 am

Hi Karen,

Congrats on writing one of the most open first posts I've had the fortune of reading here.

I think you will gain a lot from the board. It sounds, from everything you're going through, this is the right place for you. I say that especially because of the SO section and the Togetherness section where wives like yours are very vocal about the way they feel. I think you'll get some great knowledge and feedback, if you solicit it.

I wish you the best and please let me know if there's anything I can do.

Beauty

Love (SO) · Post by **Love (SO)** » Sun Jul 11, 2004 10:05 am

Jessica_Karen wrote: i don't want to violate her need for trust by discussing the intimate specifics of the relationship.

As a wife myself, all I can say is, Bravo!

Jessica_Karen wrote:any suggestions on how i might gently direct her to the site?

I would suggest, you reading in the SO's section and find other SO's post that are similar in the way your wife is feeling at the moment and show these to your wife. I feel it could be helpful for her to see that other SO's share the same fears, thoughts, and concerns.
It was very helpful for me to find other SO's that felt the same way I did.
After a period of time, I then felt more comfortable to read in all the other sections at this forum, which have also been very helpful in understanding it all better. When my husband first told me of his CDing, he printed out a list of the "Benefits of having a CDing husband" from the INTERNET and handed it to me. That wasn't the information I needed or really wanted at the time.

I would also suggest, "baby-steps", take things slowly, one step at a time, and try not to overwhelm her with too much information too soon.

* Tip Before you both go to your first counseling session, it would be helpful for "both" of you to "write down" some of your main concerns.

All the best, to you and your wife

Carol Ann · Post by **Carol Ann** » Sun Jul 11, 2004 12:13 pm

Hi Karen and a very big

,
My wife found out about Carol Ann after 39 years of marriage and yes it was a shock. It took almost 2 weeks before she would talk to me about crossdressing. I did manage to get her to look and read post from this board and others. But to tell the truth it took a visit to a Tri-Ess meeting for her to really get the inside story about men who dress in womens cloths. Not saying it will help you both but worked for us. After a month or so she told me I was still the same man she married for better or worse, I am happy to say my wife of (going on 41 yrs.) supports me 110%. I wish you both the best of luck and remember we all have been down the road you are traveling right now.

Carol Ann

Stef · Post by **Stef** » Sun Jul 11, 2004 12:23 pm

Hi Karen!

Welcome! I wish you and your wife on the journey the two of you are about to embark upon. It will not be easy for either of you but just remember that nothing worthwhile is easy. There are plenty of great gals here to support you in any way possible.

Hugs,
Stef

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sun Jul 11, 2004 1:18 pm

Hello Karen,
Welcome and as you can see our sisters here would like to help. Twenty-eight year of mariage, about the same as mine. I came out to my wife about a year ago, but only after I figured out what was going on with me.
There is a site that I will direct you to that really helped me discover more about what was going on with me. I think it is well worth the read and I gave a copy to our counselor as well. Carl Jung is considered by many to be the father of modern psychology and his view on crossdressing can answer a lot of questions.
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepage ... /anima.htm
Good luck and stay in touch.
Deborah

Crossdressers-Haven.com

hi, from karen

hi, from karen

thanks for the welcome