Crossdressers-Haven.com

I will attempt to post a picture of how I am currently dressed.

50 minutes ago


The photo of me in my black dress this morning is in my gallery photos...could be a little larger but it's good enough I suppose... Wow! a little blurry but changed my avatar I like this current photo from today even better selfies are surprising and hard to reproduce I think Anne is captured here.


Here I am this morning...my wife is in bed son's at work and knows but does not want to see my other side though this is my own home..I hold back for him, other son is in the apartment so I have been really into it this week able to just be who I am.
This does not fit in with the current discussion no matter who I am I am the same person facing the very same reality and dealing with it all in the same way. I was a certified diabetic educator so I do have a fairly good grasp on nutrition but then again we do not tend to see ourselves very well. Objectively I suppose. I can cut back. Our meals are the same every day with some variation at dinner time or the evening meal. I can simply discard a little of each meal as a way of paring it down. I can tell myself...her trunk muscles, the stiffer joints in the arms and knees, she is already debilitated and in the bed does seem more comfortable after being in the chair but I do know after a couple hours in bed that too can be tiring and she needs a break from it. she has one of those gel overlays and a hospital bed and mattress. Turning I think will indeed be needed as she begins to spend most or all of her time in bed. Changing sheets in a timely fashion well that schedule will never change Bed Side Commode is 11:30, 2pm, 5:30, 8pm and 9:30 If I stick to that that part should be ok. and because I intend to get her up still twice daily just for slightly shorter periods 2.5 hours in the morning and about 4 hours total in the evening for now that should be enough. Oh well. Emotionally I feel upset, sad, feel the grief with each and every change in her status to the down side. I love my wife because I enjoy wearing dresses does not change any of that. I am still a man and heterosexual even when my feminine feelings are prominent. It is hard because I understand what it all means she is declining however slowly it seems at this moment and over these months it is still creeping nearly undetectibly along. This decision to have her spend more time in the bed is a comfort measure, probably is correct and does not effect the decline, but does or will it effect the rate of decline and if it does is that why people are advising me to do this? I do not want to kill her. Can't help feeling Hospice and the insurance would be wanting to hurry it all up...sometimes it's best to "rip the bandaid off" the new hospice nurse told me...I have lost the beautiful and very good nurse who had been with me for so long, and my wonderful sitter has moved on as well. I have decided not to replace the sitter so I can save over $520 per month. The primary benifit of both the Nurse and the sitter was having someone to talk to. I am so alone. I have placed a Wilson Volley Ball on a pillow in the recliner I never use - no I do not talk to Wilson as Tom Hanks did - No it just has some acknowledgement or carries some deep sense of meaning internally for me. I cut off the church as you are aware I am not lonely for them with their agenda and prudish priggishness always there as a certain level in the background. I prefer average secular and moral people around me that think nothing of having a drink socially or watching any movie long as it is not obscene, profane, and has a good story. Oh well. Yeah...I have been able to just enjoy being who I am free of anyone's judgement or objections and can dress with no worries about people driving up unawares as the risk of that is very low, and if someone did I would just change or just not answer the door. Oh well...By the time I have to change to go run Anne goes back on the rack and is washed off and I am back. I am not an effeminate, even dressed, I am a man, and as you can see my mind is not effected by the dress stockings and heel etc I am currently wearing as in the pictures I just took. I am just at these times more passive, submissive, and open and would very much enjoy being with a intelligent mentally strong and confident and loving woman. Otherwise why would I dress like this? I do have these desires which are very like the same things women want at these times. At other times I am that intelligent strong and confident man who is very much attracted to a beautiful woman yielding for me at least some what or depending on me...really women just let us think that we are in charge ha! Later friend.

Anne Bonny wrote: Emotionally I feel upset, sad, feel the grief with each and every change in her status to the down side. ...I have lost the beautiful and very good nurse who had been with me for so long, and my wonderful sitter has moved on as well. I have decided not to replace the sitter so I can save over $520 per month. The primary benifit of both the Nurse and the sitter was having someone to talk to. I am so alone...

I can relate a bit to the aloneness. But there's a limit to how much one can take. Of course, replacing the nurse and the sitter with new people means building relationships anew, and one is never sure how that will turn out.

It's just that you need to take care of yourself mentally (as well as physically) if you're to take care of your wife. Hopefully new people will function for you. If not try again. For me, that'd be a bigger issue than the money- fear of rejection.

The avatar is makes you look like a strong woman.

Strength? Yeah I guess that is what it is, have to have strength to live through a tough situation. Physically I am quite fit - hell my resting pulse is 59, BP 107/70, weight after my 5k today was 167.6, 170 this morning still within my 3 lb limit. I am adapting as the new schedule comes along...something about having my wife in bed rather than slumped uncomfortably in the wheel chair does lower my stress because she is more comfortable in the bed. I have to get used to the idea. I have also adapted to the New Hospice RN and aid we are talking more. The sitter? well I am going to let that one ride and see. Finally figuring out who I am and where I am has also been a very good thing.

I just washed my wig and can't do a thing with it! I keep it on a block and covered and in a box still can't remember when I last washed it. It is 9 years old...pretty old for a synthetic I may need to purchase another but will have to see how it dries tomorrow, and after adding a little wig conditioner and gingerly working with it to get it styled as it was. I don't wear it very much but after looking at a selfie without it I do look much better, more feminine with it on. Yeah...will have to see who offers good wigs online at a reasonable price I think I only paid $45 in Eastern part of St Louis, and that area was pretty rough even before Furgusson - hum. But remember calling, then going and sitting there infront of lots of shoppers as she styled it while I sat before the mirrors in a salon chair, that was a nice day I was so excited to finally have a pretty wig to wear.

It does look better after taking the time to carefully wash it, let it air dry with some careful combing through that process to ensure it did not dry all tangled and also to help keep the styling set in the wig. once it had dried I used wig conditioner and some final styling with a comb and the luster and shine is much better and it is not as "matted" I mean the small amount of that that can happen over time not that it is tangled it just badly needed cleaning. So Clean your wigs girls!

This picture was taken prior to cleaning...I just noticed it did not look as good was looking kind of worn or old...it was just dirty.