Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi all,

An incident got me thinking this afternoon. Yes, incidents do that to me sometimes. I was just leaving the lobby of a hospital when I noticed a woman in front of me just heading out the door herself. She was in her mid-30's, dressed rather attractively in tight-fitting jeans and a cashmere sweater (yes, it's still on the cool side up here). What struck me about her is not that she was wearing very high heels (rather incongruously for a hospital visit) but that she was having what was obviously a very hard time walking in them. Her hips were wobbling every which way but loose. When she got to the short concrete ramp leading down to the outdoor parking lot, she arched her shoulders so far back that, for a timeless moment in which I found myself holding my breath, I was sure she was about to take a hard fall on her back. To be honest, her gait reminded me of that of an inexperienced crossdresser.

It then occured to me--certainly not for the first time--that this quasi-handicapped, awkward walk that is the result of wearing high heels is what we crossdressers seek to imitate and emulate? For Pete's sake, why? What could we (meaning both crossdressers as well as women) possibly get from putting little stilts under our heels and going about our business with the weight of our bodies shifted onto the balls of our feet?

Well, there are traditional answers, I guess. Many of them have to do with esthetic appeal. An elevated heel makes the leg look longer and sleeker. An elevated heel shifts the body's center of gravity in such a manner that the wearer is forced to ever so slightly push her shoulders back, thus accentuating both rump and bosom. An elevated heel makes the wearer look taller. And so on and so on.

There are also psychological reasons for the appeal of the high heel. Psychologists--mainly Freudians--see in the heel itself an image of the phallus. Frankly, no matter how hard I look, I still see only a heel. But maybe there's something to it, who knows? I do know this: there are shoe manufacturers out there (or should I say "way out there") who specialize in, shall we say, making the implicit explicit, when it comes to designing a high heel. Let's leave it at that. Another psychological aspect has to do with stature. People who are taller are often seen as having more authority (however illusory or non-existent that authority may be). It's easier to look up to someone if you actually have to look up rather than down. Well, I'm not sure I buy that either. It sounds too pat an explanation to me. Still, I wonder. One thing I find interesting is that, as women in the last century or so have fought to claim (or reclaim) their rights as the social equal of men, the height of high heels has risen proportionally. The Victorian one-inch heel (modestly hidden, of course) is the ancestor to the strappy four-inch high Studio 54 sandal. "You've come a long way, baby"... yeah, as long as you're not twisting your ankle or taking a pratfall every other week.

There's a darker side, though, to the life of the high heel shoe. Maybe it comes under the heading of the "Politics of the High Heel Shoe." The gender politics, that is. Clothing has tremendous symbolic power. In many ways, clothes (footwear definitely included) are symbols. For instance, clothes serve not only to protect our bodies from a sometimes hostile environment or to cover our nakedness but also to express social relations between ourselves. Traditionally, there's nothing that says, "I am a productive and gainfully employed member of society" like the diagonally-striped necktie that is so much a feature of many contemporary men's daily uniform. Likewise, there's little that says, "I reject your corrupt values" as does the torn and scuffed leather and denim that is an integral part of the uniform adopted by youths in certain social sets. The shoe is no exception. Many women will readily admit that women's clothing and footwear is often impractical and restrictive. But that's just the point. It's meant to be so. Walking on stilts hampers mobility and range; it's the ideal "tool" to keep a woman "in her place." (By the way, gals, I'm not inventing any of this; gender and cultural theorists have been harping on the evils of the corset and the heel until they're blue in the face for quite some time now.) This social function of the shoe finds its most cruel expression in the traditional Chinese practice of foot-binding, where a woman was made to wear, throughout her entire life, progressively smaller shoes so that her toes eventually wound up nestled face down under the balls of her feet... and the smaller the shoe (I think the smallest on record is an adult shoe only three inches long--long, not high!), the more feminine the woman was considered to be. It's by no means a stretch of the imagination to suppose that there's a parallel between the Chinese fixation on short feet and our Western fixation on high heels. They serve the same unavowed purpose; to immobilize and to limit freedom. Women are not to transgress certain social limits, it seems. Corsets kept them breathless and perpetually near to fainting (Freud made a career out of inventing mental illnesses for women whose problems were more the result of their sartorial servitude; yes, I'd "have the vapours," too, if I only had access to 30% of my lung capacity). Long nails, too, are a pain; for any physical work that requires the least bit of skillful manipulation with the hands, it's so very good to have a short-nailed male around. And the high heel fits right into this. Women cannot run without risking injury. Hell, just walking is risk enough in these shoes.

As usual, there are many sides to any tale. I've heard it said by some psychologists with a spiritual bent--presumably, Jungians--that the high heel shoe is symbolic in an entirely different manner. They contend that high heels were originally worn by men (and, indeed, they were), starting at around the time of Louis XIV, king of France, in order to raise these men up to the heavens (associated with a very much desired male spiritual power) and to separate them from contact with the earth (associated with a reviled and shunned female spiritual power). At first, only influential and politically significant men wore heels and, later, most men came to adopt the practice. I don't know how much water this holds, though. As far as I can tell--the sources aren't always clear on this and are often contradictory--there wasn't any noticeable difference between the height of men's and women's high heels back then. It could be that both sexes have worn heels for ages, at some time or another (in the same way corsets were around in ancient Crete, some 3,400 years before ol' Sigmund had a field day with hysterical--and suffocating-- women of every ilk).

And this is the ultimate paradox of who I am, as a crossdresser: I agree with much of what the theorists have to say regarding women's clothing and shoes but I will never prevent myself from experiencing the thrill that comes at discovering that that perfect pair of pumps I just bought actually fit me. And fit me well. In the end, what is most often a mystery to our SO'S is also very often a mystery to ourselves as well.

Walk safe, gals. And if you're ever in a tough spot, well... just make sure you have a short-nailed, low-heeled woman nearby.

Love,
CJ

Hi. Right now I have on a pair of black heels , they are 2" and I have no trouble with them, I really do not want any higher than this. I can walk - drive and feel very comfortable with this hight. Bobbie Joe

Hi,

well I really would like to try high-heeled shoes, preferably overknees. But it is no easy to find a store, where I can try these due to the size I would need. On the other hand this is more for private experience than for wearing them in generell. Mostly because they would visually grow me to a height of about 2 meters, which is very rare for women and might not look convincing.

Hi CJ,

It's so wonderful to have you back here. Your insight to things is just so incredible. You provoke thoughts in my little mind that make me pause all the time. You my good lady are magnificent.

I'd never put all of those thoughts together before. (height, social implications of heels) I have a bit to think about before I respond to this one.

Thank you again wondeful Christina. This was a most excellent read.

Beauty

My friend you should have been a feminist! :-)

kathy in canada

Hi Kathy,

Good call. That's what CJ is.



Beauty

Hi CJ--
Good to see you on these pages again, for a moment!

Heels are a baffling part of this whole experience. Like Beauty, I may have a lot more to say when I have the time. But for now, here's this much:

The idea of wrecking my feet does not appeal to me.

And yet--I find myself inching up the heels I wear on stage, just like all those drag queens I watched when I was first experiencing all of this. Worse than that is finding out that clunky heels don't look very good if I'm going for height. I'm at a crossroads with this, and I'm not sure what the right answer is going to be.

In everyday wear, I don't need heels to feel good or dressy. As a performer, though, there's a dramatic impact that comes with wearing heels that seemingly can't be gotten in other ways.

It's kind of funny to me that as a man, I try not to let conventional practices dictate how I live my life, and I'm constantly looking for ways to make my life simplier and easier. And over here, as a version of a woman, I'm getting swept up in a "look" that complicates life, and isn't very healthy, either.

If I remember right, even the Wilson sisters, of Heart wore heels, and in other ways they were very much against the image that people expected from women rockers.

You put a lot of thought into this post, CJ, and I've only touched on how it impacts me. There's a lot to say about heels.

Though I kind of like what heels do for my figure, it boils down to a couple of things for me: I'm 6' without shoes; I find wearing heels of any significant height for an extended period of time just isn't all that comfortable. So I can understand why women might want to wear them at times, but I can also understand why they might be relieved to be out of them.

-Celia

I think that this is a great thread and I am glad Cj started it.

Heels among other things have so much cultural baggage that I think we can only sort it out by looking at other societies that do stuff we do not do, such as the folks who stretch their earlobes out with weights. No doubt they can find all sorts of " reasons" why this is attractive just as we do with heels and other items

To me though heels on women do the same thing that ties on men do. They very clearly say that you are not about to do any physical labor and therefore are not a member of the working class. Of course now the hooker in heels is the ultimate working girl and so this meaning is lost but that I think is the origin of just about all uncomfortable or delicate clothing- it originally served to mark us as at least middle class and then later aquired other meanings as well.

Andrea

Heels give the feet a more delicate feminine appearance. Sometimes they tend to make the feet appear smaller. Thus there is a two fold attraction.

Hard to walk in? Hurt the balls of the feet? Unstable ankles? Who cares, as long as I look good in them

At 6'4" you would think I'd shy away from wearing Hig Heels. Well, just ask Lorna and she will confirm that I usually wear a 5" heel and sometimes 6". What can I say? If you have the height, sometimes you just have to flaunt it. I figure, I am going to stand out no matter what shoes I wear, so I might as well enjoy wearing my favorite heels.

Hugs - Genifer

Politics, Schmolitics...Great post, CJ, and very thought-provoking, but even as the great Sigmund Freud once said in relation to his obsession with phallic symbols - "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" when his pronounced fondness for stogies was pointed out to him.

As for me, I just plain love high heels and the way they make my legs look, and whatever discomfort I may feel when walking in them is totally blocked out by the endorphins my brain generates in response to the euphoria I feel when walking in them .
Needless to say, my patron saint is Tina Turner, the Queen of high heeled strutting!

Hugs,

Leslie

Yes delicate is considered feminine. But...............why?

I am put in a mind once of a GG who said that she thought pregancy was the most unfeminine thing imaginable what with the discomfort, weight gain, and later on physical lack of gracefullness. What a wierd idea.

Or consider giving birth, that mystical experience which is so profound and so by definition female. It is about as non delicate as anythng can possibly be.

I am not trying to define anyone by their ability to give birth, it just makes such a great example.

So, what is going on with the politics of appearance and in particular the politics of feminine=delicate as in HELPLESS?

So that is my little rant on the politics of appearance and I want to be clear that I am not accusing anyone of anything. I personally don't like heels (or shoes period) but I like a lot of other feminizing things like corsets. In all sincerity if anyone is liking wearing heels or anything else please continue to do so and continue to enjoy them. As for the rest of my thoughts on this, much of it having to do with having a teenage daughter who is struggling with societies ideas of feminine, I will put that in Mordor later.

Andrea

Andrea,

Delicate does not mean feminine.

Delicate has several meanings, such as, fine, soft or dainty.

Hi all,

Glad you enjoy the thread. Your responses are fun.

As Andrea suggested, I think there's an association made in our culture between "helplessness" and femininity (as traditionally conceived). A friend of mine--and, yes, she's a feminist--suggested that the emphasis isn't so much on Woman's helplessness as it is on Woman's culturally institutionalized dependence on men. Others would argue that one good, long look at reality points to the contrary: rather, it is men who are helpless and much in need of a woman's support--psychologically, materially, and otherwise. The theory goes like this: men, being the helpless creatures they are, revel in the illusion of their own power and authority while projecting their helplessness (or cluelessness, if even half my friends are to be believed) onto women. A classic case of a defense mechanism gone global.

Anyway, for me, it's a moot point. I'm a situationist in this regard as well. Generalizations can be damaging and are often based on faulty premises. People are people but this or that man or woman can only be this or that man or woman.

Going back to the woman who couldn't walk in her heels leaving the hospital, I had to wonder if she herself was aware of the line beyond which dressing for appeal rather than for function is so much overstepped that all esthetic appeal is lost. Of course, I often wonder the same thing about crossdressers, myself included. It's hard to "dress for others" rather than for simple comfort when you can never be certain what those others make of your style. High heels are an instance of "dressing for others"; I'm not entirely sure it's possible, as Donna says, to find any pleasure in the wearing of high-heeled shoes if that wearing is divorced from any thought that some gaze--even if only our own--will be following our legs and feet.

Oh well. Like Donna (and, I would imagine, quite a few others here, as well), I do enjoy wearing high heels. I just wouldn't do so all the time, every day.

Love,
CJ