Crossdressers-Haven.com

I thought I might ask this question because I seem to be confused after being on this site for only six months and I realize most of you don't really know who you are. Do you do it for an erotic thrill? Are you fetish dressers? Is it just a sexual fetish? Are you gay? Are you bi sexual? Are you transexuals? Are you heterosexuals? Or are you kidding yourselves and your partners with the mantra"I'm getting in touch with my feminine side" and then doing them like a male would do?Personally I'm a male who has been feeling feminine since age 6 . I'm bisexual and prefer dominant bi sexual women and hate dressing as a male. I'm classified as a NPA-. Narcissistic perfectionistic compliant submissive. Look it up ladies.There is nothing remotely erotic or sexual in my dressing as a female . I'm just much more comfortable as a woman than as a man. Be the person who you are or you're no one at all. Dig deep ladies. Get a grip.It takes a real man to be a women. Why do you do what you do? Don't give me that "I'm a 100% heterosexual" crap. That doesn't cut the mustard. Men who are that way don't wear pantyhose and bras. Don't play games. life is too short. Trust me I know at 55. Hugs and lipstick kisses. The truth will set you free ladies. Know who you are or you will end up as no one and go kicking and screaming into your graves.

Love
Jeannie

PS "If I were the man that she wanted,I would not be the man that I am."

Hi Jeannie,

Jeannie wrote:
Do you do it for an erotic thrill? Are you fetish dressers? Is it just a sexual fetish? Are you gay? Are you bi sexual? Are you transexuals? Are you heterosexuals? Or are you kidding yourselves and your partners with the mantra"I'm getting in touch with my feminine side" and then doing them like a male would do?

I spent many years kidding myself about who and what I am. I am a heterosexual transsexual. I don't dress for the thrill of it, which is not to say I have never been thrilled by it. I don't really need to get in touch with my feminine side because as far as I know I am only one person.

Having said that, being transsexual is a much different thing than being a crossdresser. I beleive that my brain formed as a girl brain while my body formed as a male. These things happen at different times during developement of the fetus and have to do with the levels of testosterone available while they are happening.

There are those that have intersexed bodies where the genitalia is not complely male or female because a genetic male fetus did not get enough testosterone to form male genitalia, but there was too much to form femal genitalia.

The same thing can happen when our brain gender is formed, which happens at a different time. Too little testosterone and one does not form a male brain, or does not from a completely male brain. There is a whole spectrum that can happen from feeling totally like a girl to totally like a boy.

Jeannie wrote:
Don't give me that "I'm a 100% heterosexual" crap. That doesn't cut the mustard. Men who are that way don't wear pantyhose and bras. Don't play games. life is too short.

Your assumption that all crossdressers, transgendered and transsexuals are gay or bisexual is incorrect. Our sexual preference, like our brain gender and physical sex organs, are determined by testosterone levels during developement of the fetus and is not dependent upon our sexual organs or our gender identity.

It turns out that about 40% of transsexuals are attracted to same sex, about 40% are attracted to opposite sex and about 20% are bisexual. There are plenty of transgendered people like myself that are not attracted to same sex. I consider myself a transsexual woman that is a lesbian as I am only attracted to women.

You can choose to beleive it or not, but I don't see how you can claim to know how others feel about what their desires are. We do not all come out of the same mold. My experience here has taught me that the number of crossdressers attracted to same sex us much lower than that of transsexuals.

I don't beleive that the members here are lying. They have nothing to gain from it. I think one of the reasons many of us come here is to escape the lies and have a place where we deal with the truth. One of the most common complaints that crossdressers have is the assumption that they are gay or bisexual. This beleif that is perpetuated by "shock TV" and the mass media, that we are all gay, is a continual problem for our members as they attempt to assure their SO's that they are not gay.

I would like to end by saying that in my almost two years here I have learned a lot about a lot of people here and don't feel a sense that I don't know who people really are. I have witnessed people come to grips with some of the most difficult questions life has to offer. The decisions to repair or end relationships that have many years invested. Decisions to tell children or parents. decisions to go out in public or to tell a best friend. Keep coming back, you will witness all the pain you care to. It is not just you struggling sister. There are many who struggle in silence and find comfort in the words of those who find the courage to share thier stories and feelings. Thankyou for being one of them.

Love always,
Elizabeth

You identify as you wish Jeannie, and I'll identify as I wish.

Obviously you know less than you think you do about the gender spectrum and the sexual orientation spectrum, which by the way are different from each other.

Wearing fem items does not indicate what one's sexual preferences are. Your saying different does not make it true.

Jeannie,
I'm sorry but I disagree with your post 100%, and to tell you why and you say don't give me that crap. How can you group me into what and who you are Carol Ann

I learned a long time ago to be very careful about who I let tell me who I am. If you've known me a long time and have proven yourself worthy of a high level of trust I will probably listen. If you're some faceless anonymous person on the net you have the same crediblity as some adolescents way back in the day telling me I must be chicken or uncool or whatever because they were either trying to prop up their own ego or because I don't want to do whatever they are trying to manipulate me into doing.

That aside this whole subject has come up several times before here if you care to go back aways in the forum. A great many of us have or at one time had an erotic component to crossdressing. For some of us it remains, for some of us it seems to change into something else.

I share the perception that there are probably folks who talk about getting in touch with their feminine side because they feel that is more acceptable than talking about crossdressing as a sexual fetish. Which doesn't mean that we don't also have a good deal of confusion about the fact that we might have a bunch of personality traits that we feel are uncomfortably non masculine. Especially since if we started crossdressing as kids we probably internalized a lot of stuff about are we gay or perverted or just wierdos and allowed our secret to inform how we viewed ourselves and the rest of the world.

Feel free to talk about yourself. That's one of the real importatn things about this forum I think-that we get to talk about what is going on in our minds. I've learned a lot from that. There are a lot of folks here who probably are not all that much like me, and I like that.


It's actually kind of nice to hear someone come right out and say that this is about submissive sex and especially nice to hear that they have a narcissitic component to their personality. That's another word we like to avoid here-narcissism. A subject that could bear more discussion I think.

Absaroka

Hi all,

Absaroka,

Believe it or not, even the narcissistic component of crossdressing behaviour has been addressed quite a few times here. I don't have the links handy at the moment but if you dig a little you'll find the appropriate threads. Often, the subject comes up in relation to an SO feeling "left out of the picture," so to speak.

As for the reasons we do what we do (or for which we are who we are), there are as many as there are individuals. I, too, am glad that Jeannie--who's on a veritable journey of self-discovery, lately--feels comfortable enough to lay her thoughts and feelings out for all to see. Still, that doesn't entail that the way she sees herself applies to anyone else.

Rock on, folks! Rock on!

Love,
CJ

Your right again CJ. We are all differant why we do what we do. I lose sight of it sometimes and then come back to reality. Narcissism rears it's pretty head. I was on a few sites that discuss NPA-. The one problem of being attracted to dominant people is often they are not the nicest people and just run with it when they find they're prey so to speak. Looking for a "sensitive dominant" is an oxymoron. You can't have your cake and eat it to unless you like it smeared all over your face. Gotta go CJ. I have to wash the frosting out of my hair again! Hugs


Love
Jeannie

Jeannie,
Honey, step back, take a big breathe, and read what your sisters have written. We are all different, why we are blessed with this gift and how we choose to use it is as varied as the colors of the rainbow. Just to discover that we have such a gift is the thing that puts us in the universe where we exist. How we accept it, understand it, express it, share it is going to have as much diversity as there is from one person to the next.
Let it go, honey. Jeannie by herself should be enough woman to keep you yourself guessing for quite a while, so before you begin to try and psychoanalysis your sisters here, try and firgure out Jeannie and that could take a lifetime.
We are simply here to help each other on our own "Magical Mystery Tour!"
not to try and figure out who is who and who does what for what reason.
As I have said before, look deep into that big mirror in front of you when you are dressed and see who is looking back and then try and determine what they want out of life!!!! If you can answer that then you are on your way to finding yourself/Jeannie.
Good luck and good hunting, honey!
Virginia

Sorry ladies. Little Jeannie can be a little B---- sometimes and last night was one of those times.I know we are all differant and I was in the NPA- mode. Narcissism reared it's pretty head! I'm back on track Virginia. Train wrecks happen and I've been in too many to mention. Virginia. I finally figured out how to get some pictures in the photo gallery. I have some photos of little Jeannie back in the day. Make sure you have eatin before you look! Hugs

Love
Jeannie

We crossdress because its a thing we LIKE to do. Is that a good point?

jeannie,

While I don't agree with what you posted about not being hetrosexual or your reason for it, I do think that in some cases tg's havn't taken the time to get in touch with who they really are and what it all means in general.

I personally didn't really start to look deeply at who and what I am until I had an alnight discussion with my wife about the subject. Some of her questions really made me stop and think about my life and it's direction. No I don't get an erotic thrill from being dressed and I really don't think that I ever have. I do enjoy dressing a little sexy once in a while but not slutty and for sure not for sexual perposes. I am for sure hetrosexual and I know this for sure because I have tried having a male lover when I was young and I didn't care for it. So why then do I dress? Because I feel most comfortable when I am wearing the clothes that my heart tells me I should have been wearing my entire life.

I consider myself to be a two-spirit person blessed with the ability to bridge the gap between the two halves of the human existance. And as such I have no desire to be just one or the other. For me to do that would be to deny myself some of the ability that the Great Spirit gave me.

Yes I am part Native American and during my research of the tg lifestyle I have discovered that many of the tribes including my own did respect the idea of the two-spirit person or the third sex and infact most of the two-spirit people were very highly placed within the tribe as a result of being what they were.

My wife has seen first hand the difference in me when I have the chance to allow Anna to control my life for a while and she has herself said that she can see the difference in me both during and after. For me the act it's self brings an inner peace that nothing else has the ability to bring to my life.

anna

dressing as a woman makes me feel freer and more at ease with myself and more accepting of others.

This journey toward womanhood, if it's more than just a thrill, is like peeling the onion; as layers and layers of falsity fall away. I love to see what feelings will come next, embrace them, and then move on...

....we're all different, all the time.

chrissie

My answer has always been the same... NO i don't know and no I don't care to know.... because if I did know it wouldn't change a thing.... So for me at least it isn't worth the time and effort and cost to find out something that will no have any effect on my life....lives... hehe

Love Karren

uh,..coz I'm not all there?

uh,..the village idiot?

uh,..plain wacked out and should be put away?
------
ok,..I give up,...the survey says;
=================================
wellllllllllllll
I am NOT a shrink,..and sigmund was not always on-target.
MY excuse?

I thought I answered that in MY Beginnings,,,,,,but here goes,...


growing up an only child, means not having siblings older than I was.
so my feelings did not arise from an older over bearing sister that was a dominatrix in the making.
and my mother was not what ya would call a foo foo female. so that is out.
there's 2 strikes!
and at the age I started dressing up,..I was far far too young to think about puberty or know what it was yet.

it just came natural to me.
I see in my newsletters, people blasting away at news items, of kids being too young for sex changes,....but dammit,...I wish to holy hell MY elders DID change me from boy to girl. it would have saved me these last 54 yrs of pain!!!!!!!

I do NOT know how else to say it for you.
I have had these feelings akin to birds flying south and bears hibernating.
it is JUST instinct to me. me in a skirt....

does this help answer? I'm trying...........

ronnie in Wi