She found my makeup

[JoAnnDallas]

Wife was looking for one of those heat wraps for me and found my makeup. She asked whos it was and I said it was mine. She then asked when I started wearing makeup. I said when I came to Dallas. The same time I shaved my beard and stated using anti-winkle products to try and make myself look younger. I didn't tell her that I only wore makeup at that time en fem. It has only been recently that I started wearing makeup and lipstick in drab. So she let it go at that. That Monday, she gets up about the same time I am leaving for work, comes up to me and asks if I'm wearing my makeup. I said yes I am. She looks at my face closely and says "that is a good shade for you. It blends in very well." Then she goes into the kitchen. I guess she thinks I'm vain or something. At least she did not get all freaked out about it. It has been three days now and no more reaction. Whew....

[Ronnie M]

oh kay.......so uh,.......what's your next step? don't keep me guessing now. ya just got me interested.

lemme know what happens huh?

ronnie in Wi

[Virginia]

JoAnn,
Honey, you are walking on thin ice so to speak! It has been broached here many, many times about whether or not to tell the "truth," about our "gift." Some of our sisters have told and some live under the constant fear of "being found out!"
I have said before that there may come a point that JoAnn will have to get made-up, dress her best and stand in front of that full-length mirror by herself and look herself in the eye and determine, "What is this lady worth to me? How much am I willing to do for her?"
No it is not easy. You can continue to live in fear of getting caught, you can try and repress the "urge," suppress it, ignore it and purge. You will not be the first or the last to have to make this decision, but it would appear and hopefully you know - It does not EVER go away!
It comes to the place where you have to decide what makes you happy? If it comes out that JoAnn is that important to you, above all else, yes, it can get ugly, it can hurt, but again, "what is she worth to you?"
I hate to seem so blunt, but that is the bottom line. You may get lucky and never "get caught" if in fact that is the route you choose, but you have to prepare yourself for the eventuality that your wife may walk in on JoAnn -- then what???
We can only give you alternatives. You will have to make the final decision as to what you want to do! There are enough different results by your sisters here so the road you travel has been travelled by others. Yes, some have gotten away with hiding it and survived, others have faced it and found their SO is accepting in various forms and others have seen their SO go screaming into the night and sought legal restitution from this "insanity" that has been fostered upon them! (moi)
We are here for you, don't take the fact that you think you "dodged a bullet" this time too lightly! There may be more bullets coming your way.
Love,
Virginia

[Jill S]

Why do I think we will hear more about this later? I just hope she's not the snoppy kind who might find more stuff. Good luck how ever it turns out.

[DonnaT]

Seems to me she knows, JoAnn. You shave your body, legs and arms, and wear makeup, yet she says nothing.

Could be that she doesn't care, or she doesn't want to address it, since she has MS and may not want the added stress.

But if she doesn't know, then I would suggest not telling her, as it seems that stress can make the symptoms of MS worse.

You may want to ask her what she really thinks about the makeup.

[JoAnnDallas]

Well so far no problems. It took me 50+ years (2005) to finially get the courage enough start going out en fem in the daylight and even more courge to start (2006) meeting other CDers like oursleves. Now I am a member of Tri-Ess (2007) and have gone to meeting dressed. I was stupid to leave my makeup where it could be found. One of the reasons I can get away with as much as I do, is wife and I don't normally snoop into each other.
SilverLady(SO) and DonnaT both have good points, but it is common for those of us that are in the closet to be somewhat of a coward in this respect. I was ready to tell all and answer questions, but she surprised me in accepting that I wear makeup. We did have another conversation about me wearing makeup Monday night. She simple stated that since it is not noticeable that I can wear some makeup and it did make me look a little younger by softing my face.
Only time will tell if and/or when the dreadful day comes about.

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hey, JoAnn -

You know that I'm of the opinion that you (the CD'er) owe it to your SO to be up-front and honest about being CD. I know that there are many ways this could turn out - from totally accepting to 'get me the heck out of here' - but it also relieves your fear and pressure of being 'caught'. The SO has the right to decide if she wants to continue the relationship, and to what degree. To not tell her is just outright lying, and a double-standard, IMHO.

I'm sorry to hear that your SO has MS, but I don't think the news about "JoAnn" will cause her too much stress or anxiety. I agree with Donna, it sounds like she already has an idea that you're CD, and that she's at least somewhat accepting because of her comments regarding the makeup, and it appears that you know that she knows, too, based on your comments. Why don't you just come right out and tell her - you just might be surprised at her level of knowledge and acceptance!

Whatever you decide, we'll all be here for you!

- SL