Crossdressers-Haven.com

First time? Hard to pinpoint it. I spilled a lot of beans in my intro post so won't repeat that here.

Some insignificant dress up play in both parenst cloths as a child, but that was just a kid being a kid

There was the opportunistic trying on of some female garment that was available and fit during my adult life. Some use of nail polish when home alone. No big deal.

There was the grab of the cross dressers hall pass in high school: doing theater. Class skits at pep rallies. This was just part of the slap stick, a parody. But, at least I got to wear a dress and try to walk in heels. But that was just the class clown twisting his ankle for the school to see.

The birth of Kelly, my femme side, happened much later. I seized the opportunity to book a day of femininity at a local make over service. The first hour I was terrified because I was still that class clown putting on girl stuff. Then one time I looked in the mirror and didn’t see the clown. I saw Kelly. The rest of the day, I had a lot of fun. At the end of the day I could truly say that for the first time all the desires I could never quite get rid of had been satisfied (at least temporarily). [The next day I plunged into a angst filled pink fog, but I want to be upbeat here and will save that for other posts].

It was magical. But really it was just the opposite of a good illusion. A stage magician makes the audience believe that he has turned something ordinary into extraordinary. What happened is that the audience (me) believed that the extraordinary (a dude in women’s trappings) was the ordinary (a woman). A not terribly attractive woman, perhaps. But we can work on that, and have fun doing it.

I learned a couple things.

First, for me it is the whole package. Underdressing or sporting some jewelry or mowing the lawn while wearing lipstick is not going to placate my needs. I got to get completely decked out.

Second, it is important for me to pass. Even if I am the only one that will see me. When I do that, then I am happy.

Kelly, I agree on the all-or-nothing business. Putting on a garment or two, or mascara, nail polish, is not sufficient. Not for sleeping, ( Nude is the only way to go ).
I just don't bother unless I am going totally fem, and going out somewhere. And finding the time for that is the problem.

Yep, Martina, you describe me well. I want to get out fem and interact with the world. Yes, the times to do it are too few and far between. But, I'm looking forward to the next opportunity. I will make it fun or it won't be worth it. That's what a girl wants, isn't it, to have fun.

Glad to know that someone else has the same attitude. I was afraid that I was an outlier in a community of outliers.

Kelly

Here is one thing fun to do completely tarted up: Go to the thrift store at the Church School on Sat. and browse around. Sometimes I actually find useful stuff for very little $$$. Of course, the best part of it is the looks Martina gets from the frump-a-lump types, nuns, priests, etc. I usually wear a pretty short skirt or dress, ( a no-brainer with nice legs ) stiletto heels, appropriate padding, and totally pass to most people.
It is an interesting study of people I don't know, of people in general. They look at you differently, speak to you differently, if they think they are talking to a man or woman. Sometimes it is revealing.
Once, on a very warm summer day, I went downtown in hot weather semi-harlot mode. A woman much younger than me was getting out of a car, and she looked at me walking them legs down the sidewalk with the unmistakable vibe of LUST in her eyes. At that moment, I sure read HER. Martina has had a few lesbian and Bi friends, and they never gave me a look like that, because they knew me. The stranger who did not know me looked at me the way us horny man-devils look at a Looker.
I don't know what to make of that, anybody have any ideas?

Martina Hall wrote:Once, on a very warm summer day, I went downtown in hot weather semi-harlot mode. A woman much younger than me was getting out of a car, and she looked at me walking them legs down the sidewalk with the unmistakable vibe of LUST in her eyes. At that moment, I sure read HER. Martina has had a few lesbian and Bi friends, and they never gave me a look like that, because they knew me. The stranger who did not know me looked at me the way us horny man-devils look at a Looker.
I don't know what to make of that, anybody have any ideas?

It might have been because she didn't know you. Like it can be easy to reveal things to strangers because you're never going to see them again. The lack of comeback means you have license.

The other thing is, if you were in semi-harlot mode, you would presenting as sex object somewhat. So a lustful response is kind of appropriate.

After that I don't know, but my best guess is she read you as a CD and was turned on. From what microscopic experience (non CD-related) I have of that kind of look, it can be empowering to a woman to give it.

Kelly wrote:First, for me it is the whole package. Underdressing or sporting some jewelry or mowing the lawn while wearing lipstick is not going to placate my needs. I got to get completely decked out.

Well....Don't rule it out. It might not suit you now and things change. Like I never thought I'd do underdressing - and then I found I needed it a couple of weeks ago.

Second, it is important for me to pass. Even if I am the only one that will see me. When I do that, then I am happy.

Yup, that is close to how I feel. I want to look in the mirror and see a woman looking back. But, even with that, things can change...

The amount of confidence you are projecting is probably off the charts. While you’re at the Church Store you are saying, “Here I am”, “I look great”, “I dare you to read me”.

When you encountered the younger woman, you were the alpha, she was the beta. Was the vibe in her eyes lust or was it envy? Was it fear after checking out the competition?

Maybe she was lesbian and it was lust. That would be a rush. At least the first couple of times. Kind of makes you come to terms with what a GG has to deal with each day.

You make a good point, Anthony. If you don't change your dead.

Yes, I have learned some things out there. Like why women don't appreciate stares, whistles, indecent come-ons, etc.

It's a little scary sometimes, when I see or hear some dolt yell at a woman, 'hey baby' or similar, that guy doesn't know that that particular woman would now not give him the time of day if he saved the world. When I see a good- looking woman, I know not to stare. And now I know why.
Martina will still show off the legs on occasion. Can't help it.

I have never wanted to wear a skirt. That is, as an adult. I do wear heels and skinny jeans all the time. This get some of these looks from guys but almost never from women. Skinny pants show off a great pair of legs.
We just went through a very hot weather season when I had to forego the bra that has become a need for me since my breasts are developing do to my advancing years. I can't tell you how delighted I am to be able to wear a bra again.

I haven't warn full makeup since it turned hot but will gradually return to it now that the summer seems to be over. The eye makeup is a must , even in hot weather.

Rhanda

Martina,
Spent the day with the fam at the county fair. Had a great time. While waiting in line for some carnival ride you anecdote popped into my mind.

There are countless story arcs that can be applied to a cross dresser. One such arc goes like this:

Chapter 1: The birth of the cross dresser.

Chapter 2: The cross dresser starts going out en femme and is meeting some success. [I’m still in the early pages of Chapter 2].

Chapter 3: The cross dresser becomes very good at passing. Her skills combined with natural attributes, e.g. great legs, make her successfully attractive.

Chapter 4: The cross dress becomes an object of desire.

Capters 5 and beyond can go many directions. But, theses first four bring home some realizations for both the protagonist and the reader. Your later post speaks to this. An awareness of what a GG has to go through every day of her life. An elevated level of respect for her.

You also suggest a heightened understanding of understanding vulnerability. At least I hope so. I enjoy reading what you posts, sis, and want you around to post more. Stay safe.

For the reader (at least me) there are is a realization. Be careful what you wish for, you might end up in a situation you’re not equipped to handle. (but a set of legs to die for does sound pretty darn good ).

Kelly

Yes, Kelly, every CD needs to be careful ( " out there "). You never know when the unexpected may happen. I could tell you more stories, having been en femme and in public numerous times. I will save some of the good ones for later posts. Suffice it to say, funny happens, and so does terrifying. Whenever possible, go with a friend. A good understanding GG friend is the best, as even an accepting straight male friend will be reluctant. Chivalry sometimes only shows when we men expect to " get lucky " ??
Anyway, you could be out alone and have a creep hit on you, then what? It's good to have a plan. And
(normal) clothes handy in case your clutch fails 1.5 miles from home. This really happened to me. Called a tow truck, rode with these men back to the house, in uneasy silence.
Hope I didn't scare y'all.

Hmmm, not to say that a girl shouldn't be careful, but I think it's not as bad as most fear. I've been just everywhere in skirts, dresses, and anything else and have not had any significant trouble. Sure, there have been comments, stares, rude people, and all that but I've never actually felt in danger. I find that often people are more accomodating, friendly, and polite than they would be otherwise.
So of course take all appropriate precautions, but don't let fear hold you back. It's very liberating to embrace this part of yourself and to go public!