Crossdressers-Haven.com

I guess I'm one of those for whom full cross-dressing kicked in a little later in life, and came on in stages. I don't have any clear memory of feeling out of place growing up, but then my parents never made a big deal of anything. If I had feminine habits they simply wouldn't have made a fuss over it. Looking back my childhood feels more androgynous than anything.

Things started to change around puberty. I found myself identifying with women more than men. They were my best friends, the people I confided in, and those I admired most for their empathy and gentle nature. Silky shirts, long hair and other borderline socially-acceptable choices were first steps - but an early girlfriend stepped things up when she playfully suggested that I wear her panties to work. I was hooked, and there was no turning back.

I started to amass quite the lingerie collection and it was nice to have a secret way of feeling more like myself. Underwear was expression enough for the next few years, occasionally including a bra and/or stockings if I thought I could get away with it. I dropped hints with girlfriends along the way, and while I never got a bad reaction I didn't exactly see signs of encouragement, either … until I started dating a bisexual woman who was clearly fascinated by the idea that maybe she didn't have to compromise for a change. I had my fumbling first steps with makeup, jewelry, and my outerwear collection went from one skirt to a few simple outfits. I even worked up the courage to attend a Halloween party completely dressed. The relationship didn't last, but the feeling of freedom did - I just didn't have anyone to share it with.

When my wife and I started dating I let her discover my lingerie habits right from the beginning, and as usual it wasn’t a big deal. It took me a few years to introduce her to Kimberly properly, but she responded to it more as role-playing than “this is me.” Still, I felt it was an important step before we were married. This past year has been the real breakthrough, starting with a discussion about my considering buying breast forms and a wig (why did I wait so long?) and sharing insights from some of the usual titles by Miss Vera and Helen Boyd. Not only was she encouraging, she started giving me fashion tips and has advanced my makeup skills considerably. I feel like the luckiest girl alive, and every day I do my best to let her know how special she makes me feel.

That wasn't so late in life. I know one person that started when in their early 70's.

And I agree, you've been quite lucky with it all. Shows that it pays somethimes to be up-front about it.

DonnaT wrote:That wasn't so late in life. I know one person that started when in their early 70's.

It's all relative, I guess. I've just heard so many stories recently from people who knew when they were kids and who had parents who understood and were supportive. I guess that's a more recent trend, and comes with better access to information and changing societal attitudes.

And I agree, you've been quite lucky with it all. Shows that it pays sometimes to be up-front about it.

Absolutely! I suspect it helps that I have always looked for committed relationships, and one of the things that attracts me to someone in the first place is their open-mindedness. Even so, I'm amazed that I have never had a really negative reaction from a girlfriend, nor have I ever had someone betray me after entrusting them with my secret.

As you said: I believe that this is at least partly due to my being very up-front about this part of myself - to the extent that I understand enough of it to explain.

Kimberly,

I really liked your story especially of the acceptance by your wife. I have been slowly giving more hints on a continuous basis, hoping some day I can dress in front of her beyond my nightgowns, panties and occasional bra.

I did show her my breast forms once hoping she would encourage me to show her them when I had them on, but that has never happened.

Last week we went to Vegas together and we bought jewelry, me a necklace and earings and her several pairs. I've hinted I dress up during the day at work (I work out of the house).

Some day ....

I'm sure your wife needs to work things out at her own pace - it sounds like she's actively engaging and accepting some aspects of your femme self, and with time and open communication comes understanding. We certainly still have our bumpy spots, but talking about them makes everything easier.

We haven't yet gotten in sync about shopping together. I guess it's because I first started shopping for women's clothing under the pretense that it was for my SO, and when she's with me I get much more self-conscious about it because the pretense falls apart. Clearly it's time to stop feeling I need to justify who I'm shopping for!

Kimberly thanks for the background. You are very lucky to have a wife that is accepting and support you. It is not always an easy thing for the SO's as thoughts go through our mind such as, is he gay?, will he want to fully transtion, etc. The biggest issue for most of us is the feeling of betrayal if we are not told up front. Then the issue comes up, "What else is he lying or hiding?"

Keep participating and experimenting with your look.

Lisa(SO) wrote:You are very lucky to have a wife that is accepting and supports you. It is not always an easy thing for the SO's ...

Oh yes. I'm very well aware of how special she is, and I think she knows it! I've encouraged her to come and visit the forum when she has time, but admittedly I'm likely to devote more time to it than she is. I'm sure there will be times when it feels like she needs to talk to someone else who understands.

Keep participating and experimenting with your look.

Absolutely! I'm sure I'll have times when I'm more active than others, but I always have time to play with my wardrobe, makeup, and hair. Today, for example, saw a flurry of wardrobe activity. I've put aside a few avatar images with different looks for future use and have updated my avatar to showcase my favorite long wig.