Crossdressers-Haven.com

As I've stated elsewhere, I love dressing up in things that I've seen GG wear.
Real clothes, for real women, allow me to feel as if I am not just a man putting on some random women's clothes.
Whenever I see a good looking woman, I no longer just look at what I can see of her body, but also very much what she is wearing, whether it enhances her figure, as female clothes are basically designed to do, or not.
Sometimes I get insanely jealous that women can just choose between skirts, dresses and pants, a gazillion types of shoes, all kinds of tops, amazing lingerie, accessories and make-up, while I can only do so in my own home in fear of being ridiculed.
They can dress and style their hair like a man and no one will bat an eyelid, while they often still look completely feminine to boot.
The reverse is just almost impossible.
Not fair.
Once in a while I see a woman wearing something that just looks so terrific and that would maybe suit me too, that all I want is to know what brand it is and where they bought it.

Yesterday I bumped into a woman who was wearing a gorgeous, pure white top, really smooth, that really followed her ample curves very well, while not showing off anything.
If she was wearing a bra, for once, I couldn't see it, if she wasn't, I couldn't see her nipples either.
It was hot, but classy at the same time and fortunately the encounter was as I was passing her, so I wasn't caught staring.
Once home, I went online and tried to find something similar, but gave up in frustration after about an hour or more.
I found only one item that maybe comparable, but I won't know for sure until I buy it and try it on and it is a bit more expensive than I'd like.

Earlier, while on holiday abroad, in one day I saw at least three women wearing the most beautiful dresses and one wearing amazingly hot shorts.
Once home, I ended up signing up to yet another new online store where they sold at least a few items that somewhat resembled what I saw, but one gorgeous powder blue dress still sticks in my mind and fills me with envy.

Have you, as a CD, ever noticed a random GG, or at least one who didn't know you are a CD, wear something that was an absolute must have for you?
What was it and how did you deal with it?
Did you try and find out what brand she was wearing by surreptitiously looking for a label, on pants for instance?
Or did you even have the nerve to ask her what it was she was wearing, even if it was while pretending to inquire for a friend or something?
What ruse did you use, if any?

Yet one more reason to be grateful if you have a friendly GG or understanding SO, so you can discuss things like that with them and maybe even enlist their aid.

Maybe I'm just old, but if something strikes about a girl's outfit and she is close enough to talk with like in an elevator or standing in a line -- whatever -- I'll comment and simply ask where she got it. Most women don't hesitate that I've talked to to accept the compliment and tell me where they got it. I can be drab and still get answers.

Now getting that stray comment back is always nice and once in a blue moon I'll get one. I remember once wandering loose in a casino; I forget what I was looking for, one of the staff came over and she just had to tell me she loved the wedges I was wearing. Most of any compliments I get are when I'm shopping and a stranger beside me might say something. Another interesting one I got was "you always smell so nice." This one came from a red cross techie and I'm there often donating fem or drab.

It probably doesn't help that I am barely able to hold a conversation with women on a good day, dressed as a man, even if it is only about the weather or something.
I have complimented a woman on her looks just once, I think. Ever.
The past few years, probably just coincidence, I've been a bit more outgoing in this respect, with varying results, but approaching strange women, in public, on something so personal?
I would think I would come off as creepy, if just because of how unsure and shy and uncomfortable I really am.

So, I think it is brave to just ask a question like that.

Thanks for taking the time to answer my question!

A casual compliment is usually accepted as just that, a compliment. Most men don't notice a nice outfit anyway. A difficult thing to get used to is a CD husband that eyes other women for what they are wearing, so I'm told.

Alexia wrote:Yesterday I bumped into a woman who was wearing a gorgeous, pure white top, really smooth, that really followed her ample curves very well, while not showing off anything.
If she was wearing a bra, for once, I couldn't see it, if she wasn't, I couldn't see her nipples either.

Really Alexia? Checking out a woman's nipples? Think again whether you are looking for CD hints or just another horny man.

Eileen

Not entirely sure if you're serious with that last remark, but.. Ouch?
If it was meant as a joke, you might want to use the appropriate emoticon, as I of course don't know you yet and it can be difficult to judge the tone of a remark otherwise.

In case you are serious..
I can kind of understand how you might get the wrong impression, but that wasn't what I was doing, as I said, I saw her just in passing and, well, she was really close by and I just happened to be facing her in such a way that I saw her top quite clearly.
It was only a few seconds or so that I saw her, nothing more, just as I got off a vehicle and she got on.
I did not consciously lower my eyes to glance at her in an inappropriate way, I don't like that sort of thing as I find it not very respectful to say the least and would be too shy to do so anyway, even if I did want to.
Often when I am around other guys and there are women around, they are the ones ogling them and I am the one looking the other way because I don't want to be a part of that.
Then they hassle me for not doing something that say is normal for all men, even though I feel very different about it.
For me, it is the eyes and I guess hair I am most interested in anyway.

But I know from experience that I normally would have seen some creases of a bra, or possibly nipples if she went braless, on something that close fitting, it was really hugging her body like a bathing suit or something.
So I wasn't looking at or for her nipples, I just made a mental note that I couldn't see anything at all underneath and that this was unusual.
The fabric itself also looked, I dunno, really smooth and shiny, like an artificial fiber of some sort?
So certainly not cotton or anything, maybe polyester or something similar or a blend with elasthan?
It made me think, wow, that looks good on her, I wonder, what is that made of, if it feels as nice as it looks.
It made me wonder where I could find it, because I need something like that, any similar top that I have is in black, not think, damn, wish I could've seen more of her boobs.
If I just wanted to see boobs, dressed or undressed, the internet is my friend, no need to stare at random women and a lot safer.

I didn't just want to look at her, I wanted to look like her.
I want to look and feel just as beautiful as her, I am jealous of her and not of any possible boyfriend she might have.
I don't have boobs, so I do my best to create the impression that I do, if only for myself, but many clothes just hang off my fake boobs, while I like it when they hug them a bit more tightly so I can see that round shape and pretend that, yes, there is something there, so I often look for clothes just like that.
It is frustrating to me to see a nice top like that, something that I would really want to have and be completely unable to take any real action to even find out what it is.

If I was just another horny man, would I have spent an hour or more trying just to find that kind of article of clothing or just gone home, fired up my favourite pr0n and gone to bed early as I had intended after a long and exhausting day and arriving back home after midnight?

If I am not a crossdresser, would I have ended up ordering yet more women's clothes as a result of that fruitless search because there was yet another sale dammit and I couldn't resist all those discounted items?
Would I have still spent 99% of my day so far wearing one or more articles of women's clothing, including the outfit I described in another topic?
Would I still be putting off making dinner, despite being hungry, just because that would require me having to at least remove my bra and pantyhose for fear of being seen by a neighbour passing by?
What would I be doing here, on a forum where even every reference to pr0n and such, or flirting, for that matter, is against the rules?
I could go on, but I've already posted a few other things on this forum, so, I'll leave it at that.

Yes, women and women's clothes excite me, which is a huge part of the deal for me, as I'm sure it is for many crossdressers.
I certainly think it started out as just a fetish for me, but it didn't and doesn't stop there.
Not even close.
I kind of wish it was that simple.

Part of me wishes I was brave enough to go outside dressed like a woman and one reason I am here is to determine whether to listen to that part, or deny it as it is inconvenient and scary.
Part of me is worried that this habit will come between me and any potential partner and that it may make it even more difficult for me to find someone to share my life with, so I need to figure out if it is really worth pursuing this further.
Part of me is questioning whether I absolutely need to be with a GG, or if maybe I've been wrong about my sexual orientation for all of my life.
I have always been so sure, 100% sure, that I was absolutely 100% heterosexual.
But now, I know I find crossdressers and transsexuals at least interesting.
So, maybe even certain men?
I've never been had any romantic feelings for them, but..
What does this all mean?
I don't know.
No. Not scary at all. Ahahah. Heh.

Also, I don't have a SO, so no need to take that into account.
If I had one, I would respect their feelings, first and foremost, you can count on it.
I would either stop, if I even could, or tell her about it when things got serious and not leave her to find out about this tendency far on her own.
I probably would at least need to explain at some point why I didn't have more in savings, where all that money went..
Would it be enough for me to go shopping for clothes with her and see how they looked on her, or would I still want to wear them myself as well?
I don't know.

So I need to figure this out and with questions like those, isn't this the right place to do that?

Well, that was enlightening in and of itself, I guess.
I think I've just confirmed to myself that I'm definitely way past this just being an fetish, in case I still had any doubts about that..
It feels weird typing all that, I've never discussed any of this extensively with anyone, only briefly with just the one close friend.

Anyway, I hope that clears up any possible misunderstanding on your part and I do apologize if I gave the wrong impression.
Women do deserve to be respected and I've always tried not to be one of those guys that have difficulty understanding that.

So. Now I need to find some answers for myself..

Or maybe go eat, that'd be good too.

The problem with complimenting a woman on her clothes is her taking it as boring pick-up attempt. I've got better at it - and often women do really like it. There's an odd floating in me, between rather a passive engagement with women - where I think "that works really well" - and a sexually infused one. It is possible for me to look at a woman in a flat way - and then next second, not. It actually happens to me quite a lot.

I'm not sure I could ask a woman where she got something, if only because I'd worry that the next thing I'd have to do was admit I'm a CD. Don't think I could do it.

Dear Alexia,

I want to apologize if I offended you, no malice was intended. Just so we understand each other, you seem a genuine CD looking for answers for lifelong questions. My husband is much in the same position, or was till a few years ago.

A woman with a Cd husband will tend to question her own sexuality. Am I pretty enough? A hundred other self doubt questions. Most of which have been resolved by now.

Myself, growing up extremely endowed, I doubt most of my High School boy friends even knew my name. I was the girl with the big tits and considered 'easy'. I'm comfortable with my breast size now and can joke about them now and then. Nobody knows what color my eyes are. A comment on noticing a woman's nipples seemed like a typical lewd male.

If you liked this women's top, tell her it looks very nice and might want to buy one for your girlfriend/ wife. Women enjoy a compliment without a glance at her tits. Believe me, we know.

Eileen

Anthony, that is exactly my point.
I have absolute no honest way to explain why I would be interested in finding out the brand, etcetera, of a certain article of clothing.
I don't like lying and am not very good at it anyway.
I dread the question of what I want with all that stuff.
I also don't really think it is very common for men to buy clothes for their girlfriends, wives, etcetera.
People who know me would also know I am single, so they wouldn't buy it for a second.
I have respect and admiration for those crossdressers who are far enough along that they don't care any more and are brave enough to do things like that, especially if they are at that point en drab, or not really 'out' yet and, like me, still very careful about keeping this side a secret.
So while I would be very curious sometimes, I would be far to afraid to be found out to, to risk getting caught.
When and if I tell someone, it will be on my terms.
Which is why I travel to a town over just to pick up packages with women's clothes.
The first few times, I was so afraid.
I had planned all kind of excuses and rehearsed them, but the questions never came.
Now I am four years further and no longer expecting them.
I wonder if they know or suspect something, but they have never asked, maybe they are too polite.
If not, they may start to if I go through with growing my hair out.
Either them, or the mailman who delivers other packages to my door.

As for seeing women in two ways, from the point of view of a heterosexual male and as a crossdresser, I understand that too.
I find myself doing both and lately, I catch myself mostly doing the latter.
All the time, I find myself checking what random women are wearing and if I would like to have something like that, or already do.
Basically, it is now a check to see if I have the right clothes.
One reason I buy a lot of clothes is that it allows me to mimic the GG I see in public, so that my clothing style is 'genuine' and not something a guy has randomly picked out.
When that intersects, stuff that I like and stuff that I see in public, that is often when I have to have it.
Especially if it helps to hide those parts of me that are not nearly feminine enough.

Eileen, I wasn't so much offended as a bit surprised.
Can you picture it?
Here I was sitting, fully dressed as a woman, from high heels to a hairclip.
Then you basically ask me if I am sure if I am a crossdresser?
Just picture it, can you imagine that?

Afterwards, after typing all that and finding myself saying a few things that surprised even me, I mostly thought it was funny, if not downright hysterical!
I should have taken a look behind me and then just written a reply amounting to the fact that I have about a store worth of women's clothes, most of which gets worn fairly regularly, so, yeah, I'm pretty sure about what I am.
But I understood how it might come across and I fully empathize with your situation as, umm, well endowed woman.
I've never been, or at least, never wanted to be, that kind of guy.
Sometimes hormones or instinct or whatever take over, but mostly I just turn away.
If the situation were reversed, would I like that to happen?
In the very long post about my first experiences, I recall a situation where, the only time I was ever outside while crossdressing, my fake boobs were groped.
I didn't like that very much, even though it was only plastic they were touching.
I can only imagine being treated like that all the time, like you're not even a person, it doesn't sound like fun at all.
So I spent a bit of time trying to correct that impression, I don't want to be associated with guys who act like that.
I never have and I never will.

As for your situation at home, again, not an easy position to be in.
But I wonder if you have anything to worry or be insecure about.
You're together because he chose you, right? Or rather, you both chose each other.
Him turning out to be a crossdresser doesn't change that and can't take that away from you.
And you're here because you at least try to understand and want to support him?
As long as that is the case, as long as both of you want to work out any issues, you can.
And that makes your husband a very lucky person, to have someone so understanding.
If I ever find someone, I hope they will be understanding too.
To really love someone, means not just to accept them as they are, but loving them exactly for being the kind of person they are, flaws and all.
I hope to find that someday, but it sounds to me like you two already have.

Alexia wrote:Have you, as a CD, ever noticed a random GG, or at least one who didn't know you are a CD, wear something that was an absolute must have for you?
What was it and how did you deal with it?
Did you try and find out what brand she was wearing by surreptitiously looking for a label, on pants for instance?
Or did you even have the nerve to ask her what it was she was wearing, even if it was while pretending to inquire for a friend or something?
What ruse did you use, if any?

I approach woman all the time when I take notice, and I always do it in the form a sincere compliment. When done appropriately there's no hint of a pickup line, or an inappropriate sexual reference. This goes for shoes, clothing, makeup, and hairstyles. Interestingly enough it generally seems to be regarding makeup lately. Perhaps that's because I've been doing a lot of experimenting with different shades of eye shadow and contouring with bronzers. Nevertheless, we all love compliments so don't be shy, tell others they look nice.

I've asked while riding an escalator in a store, but I've never stopped someone walking by.

I'll say something like, "I really like that sweater, mind if I ask where I can get one for my wife (girlfriend)?"

I will sometimes say " That is a really nice ______ .. where did you get it."
It works

I read an article a while ago that women, those that care about how they look, dress for other women. The article said that there is something innate in a woman's brain that sees other women as competition and they want to not only garner a male's attention, but to let other women know that they are "I Am Woman Hear Me Roar!"

Being a transwoman, to me it seems to come natural to be out shopping (not at WalMart) but in more upscale environments and almost immediately pick out those women who have put forth an effort in the appearance. We have again, an innate ability to "take a picture" in out minds, of another woman whose appearance impresses us. At home we "down load" this picture and overlay it on our own wardrobe to see if "it really works for us."

As far as asking about what another woman is wearing, yes, tell her you like whatever, that it looks good on her and where she got it. We like to know that our efforts are noticed, its a girl thing. I would of course never bring up "unmentionables," bra, panties, etc., anything that does not show! Hose, to me yes, I have seen some very sexy, appropriate hose and asked where she got them.

Moving right along,

GO FORTH, WOMAN -- AND BE!!!!!!

Virginia

Virginia we dress the way we do for different reasons depending on the situation. I like to think that I dress for myself but yes always with an eye to how I will look to others. Perfect examples of this is how I wear lacy undies and hide them from view yet I would never think of going out in public without my make up done.

Over the years I have had many women and yes a few men compliment me on what I had on and ask where I bought it. Personally I find complimentary and non threatening in most cases however make sure you do it in a way it can be taken as a compliment and not a threat. After all in today's society a woman can't be too careful.

I have complimented and asked many a GG as well as other CD's about what they have on. Back in the days when I did while in male drab I was a bit more careful in how I approached them but now that I pretty live 24/7 I am more nonchalant about it. Just the other day I was out grocery shopping and a GG in the line ahead of me had on a cute flowered top. As the line was long we struck up a conversatín and I asked her where she got that top and she very eagerly volunteered WalMart. I teased her I rarely shopped there for clothes and she said they were having a huge clearance on all their summer clothes. After taking my groceries home I went to the local WalMart and she as right. I ended up with 2 pairs of shorts, a sleeveless blouse, and a sundress for less than $20 total! I did find the top she had on but sadly all they had it in was a small. On well now I know to shop earlier in the season.