Crossdressers-Haven.com

I believe that the power to achieve perfection does lie deep within each of us. But, unburdening ourselves of all of the negatives heaped upon us by others and even ourselves throughout our lifetimes is difficult. And it is that which we must do in order to achieve the clarity of vision within ourselves to find and touch that power. As long as there is the slightest doubt, that goal will not be achieved.

But each of us, in our day to day lives, are able to tap into at least some of that power. If I walk out of my house on Monday morning, totally convinced that I will be employed by the end of the day, then I will be. If there is even the slightest hint of doubt, I will not.

So, when you find yourself thinking "I cannot do..." try turning that around to become "I can do...". To borrow a line from Lawrence Fishburn in "The Matrix", "Don't think you can, know you can".

The more we do that, the closer we come to achieving our goals. I, for one, have a very long way to go.

However, it is also my belief that, at some point on the path to that goal, we reach a point where we become comfortable with ourselves. Enough so that we begin to experience what some call "love of self".

It has been stated many times that one cannot truely love another until one can love one's self. But, can we really love ourselves if we have not conquered all of our imperfections?

You state boldly--even provocatively--Kathy. You've pitched a fair ball across the plate, and I'm happy to take a swing.

Nothing is wrong with recognizing and remedying our imperfections: we often profit from doing so. But we are born imperfect and will die so. Beyond a certain point, the pursuit of perfection is simply neurotic--like constantly preparing for an examination one never intends to take. The closest any of us will come to "conquering" our imperfections is remedying the few that are critical and chalking the rest up to just being human. Efforts significantly beyond that amount to little more than a glorified--and, of course, counterproductive--attempt to avoid life. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change: human imperfection--in particular, my own--is just such a thing.

Yours,
Celia

Hello all.

CJ asked; Could be that loving ourselves encompasses even our inability to adequately do so, no?

CJ when I first read this my initial response was no. Upon a second reading I began to understand what it is that you are saying. What you have just said has given me the closet reason for why am a cross-dresser to date. I think that my cross-dressing provides away that I can love myself due to my inability to adequately love myself under my own power. "How beautiful, talk about a blessing. " I don't know if you will be able to realize how much that statement has helped me. I feel so fortunate to be on the same forum as the likes of you.

CJ . . . ? Looks like I missed something. That'll teach me for leaving my computer.

-Celia

Hi all,

Thanks, Darlene. As I've said many times before, in very much the same context, the feeling is mutual.

I'm learning to become.

Celia,

No, you didn't miss anything; what Darlene quoted was the extent of my post (in another section of the forum--I assume Beauty moved us around... of course, we all know she has the power to move us! )

Love,
CJ

Hi all,

Beauty did not move us, I posted it here, because Kathy sort of moved the post over here. And CJ. had posted this following her thread, and I thought it probably should be kept together.

Hi girls,

CDKathy wrote
To borrow a line from Lawrence Fishburn in "The Matrix", "Don't think you can, know you can".

I have lived my life by what I have always called "counting on having good luck" And you really have to believe it. You must have no doubts. I won't use a lot of space here by telling you some of my stories, but I have really had some great things happen to me, because I beleived they would. My brother says it is divine intervention, but there are some things in life where I just know I don't have to worry, even really important things, because I am going to have great luck.

There is an interpretation of quantum mechanics that is commonly referred to as the "many worlds" interpretation. It says that for any event where the outcome has more than one posibility, all posibilties are realized and the universe is continually fracturing into these posibilities. The biggest problem with this theory is just that is is counterintuitive. Mathmatically it works just as well as other interpretations, but does not give special status to the observer. Because all posibilities are realized, we are experiencing all the posibilities in different worlds that have no way of knowing that any other world exists. It is my beleif that what world you realize in your concious mind has a lot to do with what outcome you expect. If you expect negative things, you end up living the life of you in the negative, and vice-versa. So yes, you must know the outcome, not think it.

Most of the worlds top physicists now recognize this theory as being the one most likely to be correct. It also explains people who seem to always have either good or bad luck. Try it, and you will see what I mean.

Here is a link that explains the theory in detail, if nothing else you may find it quite interesting.

http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/qm-manyworlds/

Love Always,
Elizabeth

Hi all,

Elizabeth,

Funny that you should mention that. I'm currently reading a science-fiction novel called The Man Who Turned Into Himself, by David Ambrose, where the main character is "shuffled," very much against his own will, through the different branches of this quantum tree while yet retaining his primary identity. As you can imagine, it creates havoc in his mind as well as in the lives of those around him (he has a lot of difficulty convincing his entourage that he's not suffering from some form of mental illness). So far, it's quite an enjoyable read.

As to whether or not our thoughts can ever allow us to gain access to that tree, well, that remains to be seen. I understand what you're saying, though. It's like inviting the universe to be gentle and kind toward us. I agree that we should do so, regardless of the results.

Love,
CJ

CDKathy wrote:It has been stated many times that one cannot truely love another until one can love one's self. But, can we really love ourselves if we have not conquered all of our imperfections?

Great topic Kathy!

My way of conquering my imperfections is to accept that they are a part of who I am and they are what makes me me. If it weren't for my "imperfections" I would not be myself. I am a perfectionist on some things but not all. I don't sweat the small stuff. I am only a perfectionist when it comes to things that affect my way of life or things I love doing. Everything else I just do the best I can and figure that's good enough. I know I'm not perfect by a long shot but I'm the best me I can be.

Hugs,
Stef

Hi All,

As usual, some interesting and thoughtful posts.

Celia, I have to agree that, if one becomes obsessed with the quest for perfection then that is definitely a bad thing. But to keep our minds open in our day to day lives and, as we find ourselves acting or reacting in an inappropriate manner, stop and take note so that we may adjust our path would make the quest a manageable thing.

To a degree, I take issue with the statement that we are born imperfect. Rather, I believe that is the one instant in time when we are as close to perfection as we will ever be regardless of whatever challenges our physical bodies may present us. As soon as we start to interact with others around us, we start to receive negative feedback. That is when the imperfection begins.

And when we die, perhaps some of us will lose that final veil of doubt and look upon that light that shines within, if only for a moment.

In our everyday lives, whether you call it the power of positive thinking, quantum mechanics or whatever, like Elizabeth, I too have experienced this too often to chalk it up to luck. But it is getting rid of the self doubt that makes utilizing this "power" so difficult. That is why I loved that line from The Matrix so much. When you stop telling yourself that you can't achieve your goal and start telling yourself that you can, it isn't long before you find that you know you can.

And so it goes with loving one's self. If you can take your thinking away from "I can't love myself because I am too imperfect" and change your thinking to "I can love myself, even though I may have some imperfections" then you will soon find that you do love yourself. You know that you have some imperfections but they have now become manageable. They no longer consume all of your time and energy and now you are able to reach out to others.

Susan, these thoughts have been developing in my mind for a long time. Many months before joining this forum, in fact. In the discussion thread What are we as crossdressers I felt something of an undercurrent that stirred my thoughts even more in this direction.

Since joining this forum and reading many of the posts as well as participating in discussions like these, I have felt that many of the issues that we as crossdressers face actually transcend crossdressing and go to the core of how we look at ourselves as people. If, by examining issues like this, we can become more accepting of ourselves, then perhaps we can help others to accept us as well. Worts and all.

Hi all,

Perhaps we become more perfect, precisely, whenever we allow ourselves to love ourselves, imperfections and all. Just thinking out loud, here.

It's because of the holes (windows, doors) in a house that the light is allowed in when it's bright outside and that the light is allowed to shine out when it's dark outside. Patching those holes up is counterproductive.

I agree with Kathy; these issues transcend the transgender condition.

Love,
CJ

Hi CJ!!! I really like that idea!!!!!!!

I would like to share my thoughts on : Loving oneself.
I think that self-doubt and that unique self-propelled darkness that we can " think" ourselves into are an important part of becoming who we are. I think that the------ " slings and arrrows of outrageous fortune "---as its been put---are an important part of being alive.

Only they can set the stage for suffering/compassion.---its the waltz of those two--that I watch with the most fascination.



I think that experiencing loss is perhaps the main thread-of humanity that we share with any person--anywhere.

and understanding the lie
and realizing how selfish we can all become
and how beautifully imperfect we are---and how RETROSPECT COUNTS when realizing our imperfections!

and how it can be tough all over.



I have been thinking on this topic while I have been working in my garden.

So much of loving oneself --for me--is wanting to believe my drives and reactions and dreams are springing forth from <<<--the world-->>. Not my ready-choices---but that feeling of your instincts--know what I mean?

When I see the tiny tendrils on the pea-vines reaching out into space and delicately wrap around sticks --to brace themselves--I can't help but think of this worlds design.

I am most confident when I feel I'm designed by a wise world too.

This morning I saw two seperate pea-plants whose tendrils met in open-space---I look closer and its like they are joined. Just at the ends--bracing together for more growth.

simple things that gives me faith in this life's design, which I need.

Sometimes circumstances of life are heartbreaking. Poverty's cycles--greed and cruelty. WAR. It's hard for a lot of people---in other places less rich and safe than the Western part of this world where I live.
Perhaps part of me wishes to point out the luxury of these ideas we can share on internal-struggle. I feel lucky for your company. All of you seem so kind.We are lucky for this place AND especially eachother.

I think that saying you CAN"T love someone else until you love yourself---might be backwards.

I think the real path to self points first to others.



Like the theme in Arthurian Holy Grail---compassion to another was the key to the grail. Or rather the ACT of compassion.---Fischer King too borrowed that.




It all happens so slowly and steady with these plants. no big flash. just growing a little bit by bit

-- with help from the earth-water- and of course the SUN!!!

Good night my friends!

------8) Tea-cake

Hi you all,

CJ stated that; Perhaps we become more perfect, precisely, whenever we allow ourselves to love ourselves, imperfections and all. Just thinking out loud, here.

I like the way you think. The need that I had to be perfect is one imperfection that I could not approve of. I too used to be a perfectionist, and would accept nothing less than that from myself. Looking back I now see just how much I bullied myself. I was treating myself worse than I treated others, because if I attempted to treat others like I was treating myself, I would have gotten bobbed in the head. I didn't need others to pick on me I was doing a good enough job of that by myself.

I now aim for perfection realizing that I will never reach that goal, and in most of the things I take on I manage to come about as close to perfection as anyone else, and I am quite satisfied with that.

Hi all,

Tea-Cake,
Darlene,
Kathy,
All of you here, even those I haven't had the pleasure of exchanging with,

I just wanted to let you know that I really do love you all.

The breeze of your souls caresses me;
The warmth of your hearts keeps me cozy;
The gentle rain of your thoughts and ideas keeps the soil of my own mind fertile.

Thanks. (I'm actually crying now, believe it or not...)

Love,
CJ

Awwwww There are to be found here, How sweet CJ.