Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi girls !

I know i don't post really often but i need to share my feelings.

I started crossdressing at a very young age. In fact, i can't remember not doing it. I know that for some people the desire to crossdress come and go but it is not the case for me. I can feel it increases, it becomes more and more stronger. Since my childhood it has become a big part of my life. I am now 21, almost 22, and i wonder who i really am. I used to think i was liking woman's clothes. However, as the time passes, i feel more and more disappointed everyday, having to change to male clothes which i am less and less comfortable with. Recently i dreamt a lot of me being a woman, i don't know if it has any meaning or not, but i am lost. I tried to figure out who i am and i failed. I almost cried unpacking my luggage (i have an appartement on my own) and seeing the male underwears and all the clothes i will have to wear daily. As time passes, i don't want to cut my hair short and manly, i want a more feminine one, i am reluctant of keeping hairs all over my body. I am not saying i want to transition, in fact i don't know, i don't know anything and that is the problem. If at least i knew, i could do something to be better with myself.
This week, my mom told me that she was "proud of her son", that i was "her little boy" and so on. I felt bad as i smiled awkwardly (she knows about my crossdressing). I am not comfortable with what society ask me to be and do. I am not comfortable with being called "him" etc... That terrifies me as i always told myself i was no more than a boy crossdressing, and now i don't know. I think i am afraid to face the truth (which i don't know for now).

I am sorry if i made some english mistakes. This is how i feel now.

Thank you for reading

Ringo

Well, it's definitely more than just crossdressing. But what more is difficult to tell at this distance. And also these things can change and morph. Although this is not the answer you seek, my feeling is you need to go and see a specialist.

If you're a student, do you have medical services associated with your college? That might be a way to start and then they could refer you. It's just so much better to have someone you see in person - and a professional - than doing it on the web.

But what could it possibly be ? Am i transsexual ?
I don't know if such medical services are available. I'm gonna look for that but i am a bit afraid of asking for such services. Did you see someone when you needed help ?

Thank you for your answer

You could be transsexual, but there are examples of people who think they might be that and it doesn't go that far. It sounds quite intense, what you're going through. Like it's putting quite a lot of pressure on you. So it's just the standard thing to say you need professional help.

I've got an analyst who I've seen for years. So that's how I (try to) deal with this stuff. It is hard to start - I personally felt I was putting myself down by doing it. But it was necessary (for me).

Well, yes, there's no day without thinking about it. And yes, a LOT of pressure.
How does it help ? I feel like if i see someone, i am considering myself ill.

You're in the process of discovering yourself. But that process is not easy and puts stress on you and your relationships with others (particularly your mother). It also drags you into a mental space you don't really know or understand.

If you go and see someone professional, he or she can help you with these issues because they've been specifically trained to deal with them and has experience with them. It's not about being sick.

This process is very difficult (i guess it is for everybody). It seems my mother isn't quite understanding what is going on, nor the other persons that know. This something i am keeping for myself because i am afraid to explain it.
I guess i should see someone, but is it expensive ? how does it "works" ? (if i may say so)

I'm hoping if it's done through your college that the French state will pay for it. It sounds to me like you need help and I believe a medical professional would see it that way.

Basically you talk. They listen. Then, after a while, the thing starts to get into some sort of perspective and you work out what you're going to do next.

My analyst costs me £105 a session but I'm hoping it'll get paid by the French state (which can also happen in the UK).

I'm hoping it too, otherwise i don't think i can afford it. I will take a look on the internet. I hope there are some professionnals specialised in gender issues in my town.

Does it make you feel better to speak to him/her ? How many times a week do you see him/her ?

I think it's pretty likely the French state will take care of it. I mean that's what they have the services there for, for people who can't afford to pay for it themselves. What you're going through is fairly well catered for in the UK on the National Health Service here and you can look up their services. I am hoping it's going to be the same in France.

I haven't seen my analyst since the Summer (I need to go and see him again). But at one point I was seeing my first analyst every day. Just seeing someone takes some of the strain off - but, if they're any good, they can start to help you see with clarity.

I have sent some emails to know how it works. There's no reason the French system would be different

Wouaw, everyday ? I hope they will be able to help me !

It's normal if i don't answer immediately, i'm going to bed. Thank you very much for your advice, i'll get the information about it. Good night !

If the state is paying, it won't be anything like that often.

You're welcome - Bonne Nuit.

Hi Ringo,
I think that Anthony has given some really great advice.

I will only add that you shouldn't let anyone make you think there is something "wrong" with you. I'm sure you've read back in the archives all the conversations that were had on that subject. But thinking that we are somehow "sick" or weird or abnormal or whatever is an issue that all of us struggle with. And I just don't think it's true that we suffer from an illness and that we need to be cured. But even if it were an illness, and supposing that you did want to be cured, you still should not feel guilty about it or somehow think it's your fault. None of us deliberately chose this, any more than we chose our eye color or height, or parents, or the place we were born.

Hopefully you can find a good analyst who will help you with your struggles, and you should eagerly take their help because that's what they are there for. I'm a firm believer in taking all the help I can get: when I'm shopping I always ask the sales associates for their advice on clothes; if I have legal matters I use the best lawyer I can find; if I had medical trouble I'd find the best specialist available for that; and if I needed a transmission in my car rebuilt I'd take to a good transmission shop. I think it just makes good sense to get help from the people who are experts on the subject.

And of course we are always here to share our stories and experiences, for whatever they may be worth.

But I'm curious. If you have now moved into your own apartment, then what is stopping you from wearing what ever you like? Lack of money usually stops all of us from buying everything we like, but it seems like you might be able to buy an outfit every now and then that you really want to wear. Over the years I have mostly stopped buying any male clothes, so that now I have more women's style clothes than men's. It could be that the only therapy you need is a really good shopping spree

Note that there are many who now identify as TS, but started out identifying as CD.

Being transgender (trans) can be complicated, and there is no one way to be trans.

The real complications come from worrying about others in our life, which causes us to question ourselves. Once you accept who you are, what anyone else says be damned, then going about and doing what you feel is right becomes easier. You no longer fight with yourself.

A good therapist will lead you to self discovery, they won't tell you what you are. That's your decision to make.

I can sit here and tell you, based on what you've said, you are TS, so start living your life that way. I could be wrong, with no consequences to me. A therapist doesn't have that luxury. They have people to answer to. That is why they will talk with you for as long as necessary for you to come to your own conclusion.

When you make that decision, then give it a chance. Don't fight it. Don't fight coming to an answer either.

Even if you've seen a therapist and then came to your decision that you are TS, the process doesn't end there. You'll still have to live in the chosen gender for at least a year or two, to ensure you've not made a mistake.

Even if you know you are TS and want to transition, you still have to go through a professional to obtain hormones, for example.

Of course, not everyone that transitions needs medical intervention, many just live the life they choose, which makes things easier for them.

Listen to Donna for she speaks the truth. As one who is currently in transition and just through the first month of my RLE I can understand your feelings and what goes through your mind most of the time. Yes you could be transsexual but that is not for me, Donna, or anyone else to say. As Donna said that is why there are therapists and why we go to them. You should seek out a licensed and trained therapist and go from there. Be open, honest and patient and things will become clear to you in your time. What is right for me may not be right for you or maybe it is. Only you and a qualified therapist can discover that. What ever your lot in life I wish you well and pray you find the strength and support I have been fortunate to find.