Feeling Like A Woman

[Nicci]

I'm "late to the party", coming out of the shadows of denial, shame and deceit at age 60. As I opened my mind and body to walk the walk, I quickly learned there is a lot of difference between how women are perceived, and how men are perceived ..and a lot of it has to do with image. As I slowly and carefully became comfortable with dressing as a woman, I found that my senses were awakened by small things..like my pleated skirt swishing against my legs as I walked, which promoted my pleasure in the act.
Progressing, I found myself increasingly striving to simply enjoy the various sensations associated with dressing as girl. The more I put into it, the more I got out of it...but I "crossed the Rubicon" at some point and the actions associated with looking like a woman and the image of the person I saw in the mirror fostered an awareness I had never possessed as "him". Eventually I became more comfortable in the role I was playing , finding emotions and perceptions changing in direct proportion to my increased immersion in refining "looking like a woman", to try to make me "feel" like one. It was a vicious cycle, and I became very emotionally critical of the "person" I was becoming.
I will probably never "know" what a woman feels like...an insurmountable anatomical impossibility.
In actuality, the closest I will ever get is engaging in a trans-gender Hormone program, that mimics the physiological and psychological composition of a girl going thru puberty, over the course of years of Hormones and Counseling , at some point reaching a personal equilibrium. I've considered it...I'm vain, I want to "be all I can be" , but the real-World reality is that many doors opening inside me, sustain my inner drive to excel at deriving the pleasure and satisfaction of looking, acting and thinking "feminine".
Today, this is good enough...for me I am learning a lot about the long-hidden "feminine" side of me, and I have decided to enjoy the ride...wherever it leads me. Maybe being "happy" with my feminine "self" is close enough to "feeling" like a woman. Aren't "feelings" compositely relational to perspective ????
Nicci

[Suzanne]

I used to liken the attraction of dressing and presenting as a woman to hill-walking..
Looking up, you see the brow of a hill and you struggle upwards towards it.. However, once there, you look up only to see the next hill.. and the next - and so it goes on.
I started off with a pair of lace panties, then came a bra, stockings, a slip, a skirt etc etc.. But just as I acquired the latest piece of feminine finery, I'd become aware that my outfit wasn't quite complete.. and that I needed a handbag (purse for US readers), or a wig, or earrings or .. well, you get the picture. It never stops.. and I always felt driven to improve my appearance by notches.. I had a woman friend who managed a bra shop and she always said to me that if I got the details right, the overall look would follow. That means a ladies watch, manicured nails, no hair where there shouldn't be any, scarves, matching jewellery.. the list is endless.. It's called 'grooming'. If one day I'd be in a position to live full-time as a woman, perfecting my feminine 'grooming' would be a full time job!
I agree with Nicci though that although we can't quite reach that 100% female stage, we could have a lot of fun trying..

[Martha G]

We may never reach the full feeling as a woman does,but the dressing, mannerisms and with the possibly of one day being a woman full time ( dressing only) gives one a great feeling and a goal to go for.

[Emily]

This is a great topic, and one that I have pondered on many occasions.

What does it feel like to be a woman? I'll never know for sure, but I'll try my best to maybe one day feel as close to that elusive feeling as much as possible. In the meantime, I am happy feeling lady-like and feminine.

Suzanne brings up a good point though. It's something else that I have been wondering about:

I started off with a pair of lace panties, then came a bra, stockings, a slip, a skirt etc etc.. But just as I acquired the latest piece of feminine finery, I'd become aware that my outfit wasn't quite complete.. and that I needed a handbag (purse for US readers), or a wig, or earrings or .. well, you get the picture. It never stops..

It doesn't stop!

Funny how for whatever reason (known or unknown) that we need to moving up to that next level.

I'm in a place now where I feel a need to get out into the world, yet at the same time, I'm scarred to death about doing it! I've tried (unsuccessfully) a couple of times, but it's still there - this burning need. Maybe that's the ultimate feeling? Going out as women do, dressed up, looking fabulous, proclaiming to the world without hesitation: "it's me - here I am!"?

[Davita]

Lexi said,

Maybe that's the ultimate feeling? Going out as women do, dressed up, looking fabulous, proclaiming to the world without hesitation: "it's me - here I am!"?

Is this what it is to feel like a woman? Being dressed up to go out? Looking fabulous? Then I pity so many GGs that don't always dress up and that don't always look fabulous. BUT, I bet they feel like women. Girls... it's not your outsides, it's your insides. You can look womanly, you can act womanly, you can sound it. You can do lots of womanly things, but if your mind isn't "geared" the right way, then ??? You might be able to understand what is it like to be a woman in some respects like interacting with the world around them.

With this said, I feel like this woman; I know how I feel. I know other women and how they feel about themselves when they tell me.

[Martha G]

[quote="Davita".

With this said, I feel like this woman; I know how I feel. I know other women and how they feel about themselves when they tell me.[/quote]

Yes,I adore dressing and turning myself into an attractive mature woman. I also enjoy acting very effeminate and developing woman like gestures. My voice also is almost womanlike - but need to practice making it a little more feminine.

And I do make an attractive and very passable woman when dressed !

So like Davita, I know how this woman feels.

And this CD feels great bringing out her feminine side.

If chances ever arise, I would enjoy being a woman full time (dressing only)

I love dressing and acting as a woman!

[Suzanne]

And also, you have to wonder why people (mostly men I'm guessing) have such strong reactions to men dressed as women..
To me, it's just the nicest feeling.. and nothing to get uptight about. After all, it only directly affects the person doing the crossdressing..
I think it makes us gentler, more relaxed individuals who are nicer to be with.
If there is such a thing as a pre-disposition to crossdressing - the crossdressing gene? - it's something we're born with.. but unlike many other birth defects, this partickler one comes with a lot of baggage..

[CharLee]

Susanne,

You're a prolific writer and I enjoy reading your story, but I wonder if it is all true. By that I mean how you can remember every little detail that went on, what was spoken and so forth. I know how nervous it is to be fully dressed and out for the first time, but what a delightful and exhilarating feeling it gives you. And how you enjoy being accepted as a woman that you never want to revert back into drab.

I myself have had that experience and am of the mindset that I would love to transition but unfortunately for me that is not an option due to the fact my wife would go for it. But in her defense, she has accepted that fact and doesn't complain or ask me to change when I am dressed, so I can enjoy being the woman I want to be.

In any event, I'm glad you had that experience and hope that you still are going forth in being Susanne now.

[Suzanne]

For CharLee:

I added this note early on in my story:

I should add that virtually all (99%) of this story is true. There was a Julia at the first place I worked and she was exactly as I described. The supporting detail comes from various episodes in my TG life that I've glued together.

Crossdressing has been part of my life for better or worse for 50+ years. As I said above, in that lifetime of dressing, all these episodes - and more - happened. The one exception is that character of Julia. She did exist - but Julia wasn't her name. I had the Mother of All Crushes on her. but sadly that's as far as it went. However, all the rest of my crossdressing experiences happened as written - but not accompanied by the same person.

In the interest of brevity, I merged all of them together and called her Julia. The dialogue is what I would have said. Obviously, 50 years on, it's not going to be word for word what I would have said at the time but I think it captures the sense of what happened. And the story captures only a fraction of what happened.

Along the way, I had some excruciatingly embarrassing moments. F'rinstance, I once discovered a ladies fashion shop that stocked the kind of clothes I liked. I remember going in there one time - after walking up and down outside at least 10 times (!) - and the lady knew that I was buying for myself. She had a lovely cocktail style dress that I liked.. I always used to carry a bag with me with shoes, plus I'd wear tights under my trousers. (always prepared!) She said I could try it on and I took it into the single changing room. I remember standing in front of the mirror in the changing room turning this way and that when I heard the shop door open as a customer came in.

I thought I'd wait there until she left - but after 5mins or so, there was a tap on the changing room door. it was the shop owner asking if I could come out as the lady wanted to try something on..

I changed back into drab and came out carrying the dress on its hanger. Yikes, there were 2 women customers together and I felt my face glowing hot enough to fry an egg.. The silence hung heavy as I paid and left.

Think that was my most embarrassing moment.

This could be a good subject for a new thread!

[Martina Hall]

Getting back to Suzanne's Tuesday question, just because you and I are tolerant, does not necessarily apply to everybody out there. Sometimes people wonder about a "gay gene", a CD gene, etc. What about an intolerance gene?

[Diana Michelle]

Intolerance gene? Interesting idea and perhaps a great way for some to justify their actions however IMHO it doesn't really hold water. Intolerance is a learned response influenced by parents, environment and those we associate with, peer pressure if you prefer. I for one don't believe we should give bigots a pass based on a lame excuse that they were born that way. It is no better than the judge that gave the one teenager probation for driving drunk and killing several people because he was "too spoiled" to understand his actions.

[Martina Hall]

Agreed. Just thought I would throw it out there. My alleged relatives are mostly intolerant, but not all of them.
BTW, what happened with that Affluenza Demon punk? Disappeared from the news suddenly.

[Davita]

the affluent butt is now in adult jail in the good ol' USA

[Martina Hall]

Thanks for the update, Davita. If and when he is loose again, let's hope the news folks tell us, so I can stay off the highways. And sidewalks.

[Davita]

Ya know? I don't think petticoat training would have done him poop since his mom ain't so swift either.

Here's another take on the feeling like a woman question. Myself, I didn't get the "mommy" gene or the "chocolate" gene, but am I any less a woman? I say no; not every woman got both and a lot of woman only got one if at all.