reality check: the dream is over, gone, dead.

[Bobby]

i shaved off my 20 year old beard to release the beautiful butterfly inside me. but, but, where's the classic beauty, the grand dame, the sophisticated woman? all i see is an old man [53]. so the beards growing back and i'll spend my time dressed at home never having lived the life i dreamed.

[Sarah Beth]

Before you do that think about it for minute. Your are seeing something you haven't seen in 20 years, its going to be different when you see it regardless. As for the classic the beauty its in there somewhere. If you look at the pictures of the folks on this site and other sites who are willing and able to show there faces you will see all kinds and shapes of faces and looks. If you have had a beard that long you haven't use makeup, you should try that and work with what you have and see what develops. I am not that great with makeup but I am getting better and I can surprise myself with how different I can make my self look. I'm 60 and I'm not going to be a beauty queen but there is something there and I enjoy that look much better than I did the one where I was dressed up with a wig on and mustache. I feel I look so much better clean shaven and with a little something to smooth out the wrinkles and to make my eyes pop out a bit.

[Carol Ann]

Bobby,
Hon you need to dream on as they make a stuff call "beard cover", but like all make up it takes time and pratice to master the art.

[Anthony Simon]

where's the classic beauty, the grand dame, the sophisticated woman? all i see is an old man [53].

53 isn't that old (I'm 60). So I'm just wondering how reliable your response is. It's true that male faces can age in such a way that, even with makeup, they'll never be passable.

Sure, you probably did need a reality check that shaving off your beard would turn you into some archetype of mature (or maybe youthful) female beauty, but that doesn't mean you want to be discarding the exercise just yet.

I didn't start using makeup till I was 56 - despite dressing up on and off throughout my life. I kept looking in the mirror and hoping to catch some - any - glimpse of a woman in it. Occasionally I did. But it got to the point where I just got fed up with that and bought some makeup.

That did help me look in the mirror and see a woman looking back - and it's such a tremendous satisafaction. I don't personally want to appear to be anything wonderful and beautiful, just passable is enough for me (and of course this doesn't come out very often when I take photos).

The thing is putting makeup on my face has allowed what elements of woman there are inside me to come out. They never would if I hadn't done that - and I've been clean-shaven most of my life.

True, if you want to achieve classic female beauty, forget it. A very, very few CDs do that. But there other, more achievable goals.

[Bobby]

thanks, i see photo's of beautiful tg/cd's and want to be as attractive. i can be happy only dressing at home, and maybe wear more fem. things out, not trying to be a woman, just being myself. i went from buying the silly short things only young woman can carry-off. to lbd, knee length skirts, dressy tops, etc. and it was a shock to not see a classy business woman in the mirror. in my mind i always wanted to be attractive and it's just not going to happen. thanks for the support.

[Anne Bonny]

Let me add my thoughts ... I am 56 and I can tell you that when I don my pretty wig, apply some gold hoops, and a little light make-up I have a remarkable similarity to my closest sister. I have always been clean shaven. Perhaps you just felt the difference was too great, I think you should give yourself time to get used to seeing yourself. Perhaps you are trying to cover up your face because you are not confident that you look handsome. Women appreciate a man who is clean shaven. I for one just feel poorly groomed if I let the 5 o'clock shadow show up, but I do have a light beard growth and do not feel I could grow much of a beard and or mustache anyway.
90% of feminine grooming to our face and head is all in our head anyway, it is in how your feel and not how you look to others that is important. If I feel prettier and kind of sexy and feminine in my head it is well worth the effort when I am in that spirit. I read a great book by Charles Anders called The Lazy Crossdresser which is a funny straightforward guide and in it you find that yes you can look like a girl and it's not really that hard. Haven't you seen those six foot five inch women with broad shoulders? There are many women who are much larger than we are. Geeze...I was on you tube the other day and there was this beautiful blonde Norwegian singer with long hair and a long evening gown on and she had a powerful and beautiful voice in the lower ranges for a woman. It struck me how easily it would be for her to change her appearance from Female to male (she would be horrified and insulted by such a thought I am sure). But the difference between being born a man or a woman is not all bone structure of softer skin, most of it is just hair style, length and cut, how it is fixed, and grooming some plucking of the eyebrows to reshape them, and a little light foundation, Mascara, and lipstick. Add some ear rings and you will be looking at yourself had you been born the opposite sex.
So don't be discouraged, it takes a little practice but not much...and Charles Anders states you don't even have to shave your beard if you don't want to.

[Anita]

Hi Bobby--
I'm not sure what you were expecting, and I don't mean that as a scolding. I need a little more information. What was the life you dreamed of? If it involved going out, then I would agree with Anthony that you can still get much satisfaction by 'blending in,' even if you aren't a classic beauty. Whether you go out or not, getting some outside help on makeup can really make a difference. I get the feeling that you might not get that far experimenting on your own with makeup, because you're already feeling pessimistic. You have to trust someone with your secret in order to get help with makeup and presentation, and you have to arrange to go to their place of business. That's asking a lot, but a person skilled with makeup can make a difference.

I don't think age has that much to do with this, either. It will not make you feel better that most of us who are answering here are older than you are, or that I began pursuing this 'dream' at age 50, and got results that amazed me. None of our stories are going to help if you've already closed the door, and I suspect you might have felt like doing that even if you were ten or fifteen years younger. One of our forum members just quit dressing, because she could no longer achieve the look she wanted for her photos. That's one extreme. You're saying that you'll still dress; but with no expectations. Maybe that will be the case. I wanted to at least voice an opinion.

[Paulette]

Bobby my dear, I know that feeling. I've lived it, and lived through it.

When I determined that I had to see myself in the mirror as a woman I had already decided that I wanted to look my age. The beautiful and desirable child of darkness that lived in my mind was long gone. I was 72 and I did not want to look like a psychotic Baby Jane. Women of my age somehow managed to look interesting and attractive. I should be able to do that, too.

I shaved my beard of almost 50 years, and then my chest. I stared in the mirror for a long time, not recognizing the man that was revealed, but getting used to him. After a few more days of looking I shaved again and asked for help from a close friend whose taste and discretion I trusted. We selected a dress and she helped me put on make-up and wig and chose accessories that matched.

Once again I did not recognize myself. It was definitely a woman in the mirror, but it was not "me."

My friend took some pictures of me while I was dressed, and we both went through them, pointing out which ones we liked best. It was fascinating but disappointing: none showed someone I really liked or thought of as attractive. I looked at them for a week or two and then I uploaded my best one as an avatar for this forum so I would see it every time I came here.

I came back every day and saw my picture in old posts, and every time I made a new post. After a few weeks I got used to the picture and seeing my feminine name next to it. Slowly the picture became me.

I practiced dressing and putting on make-up, and the transition became more normal. I could not become my dream image, but I could become me.

Please think of doing something like this yourself.

This has changed my life, and while I no longer expect miracles, I expect to recognize myself. And I like it.

[Bobby]

thanks everyone. yes, i thought i was ready to go out and be any attractive middle aged woman. i'll hang in there. i have thought of going to a day spa for a 'make-over'. called a bunch of salon's after shaving but they only do hair. only one spa adverticing make up locally. xoxoxo

[Martina Hall]

Don't give up, Bobby. Martina is four years older than you, and doing our thing is just plain fun. It is counter-productive to worry about not being a knockout, just be the best you can. There is only one RuPaul.

[Noeleena]

Hi,

Well im 66 different no hair up top. never had a beard 8 % hair if that over some on my body in other words nothing a normal women does not have ,because of my hormones and eperlating .

Now i never had a dream to look like a female or as many do a woman.

53 an old man what ya mean ..... grand dame sophisticated woman, ill add another a beautyfull woman. you know something im none of those , theres ....NO.... outward beauty nothing that would detect im a female nothing and your an old man at 53, your mirrors cracked or fogged over your too close you have to stand back stop breathing on it,

I know of and more men who would out dress and out class me any day i would not even try theres just no point i know when its game over ,and i dought very much theyed even wont to be around me ,
let alone walk down the street with or any where near me. you know i dont have that safe haven to crawl back to at the end of the day. or change in to a yea male personer

I still do my building yeap a chippe 47 years, dressed in shorts a tee top sun hat my pinny and framing up who'd even quess im a female apart from those who know me hey im a stroppy woman make no mistake yet just dont look like a female ,

Well can i say dont shut your self away. or hide we all have a beauty about us make no mistake there, how we show it or dissply it we all have our own ways just because you feel you dont measure up or dont look quite the part . think about this kid , think how she feels day after day im an issue in its self , yet i face my issues head on meet high ranking people and work with some, stand in front of ..... yea okay lots of people and talk to and with them allways in the public eye,

I do it yes i feel embarrised about how i look i have to keep going on comitess and lots more,

you know what if i shut myself away because of my looks id be worse than an old man..you know what i mean ==== maid , and i ant gona be that, never........id rather shoot myself i said im stroppy
well im one tough woman.

so just get out ...AND.... dam well enjoy your self looks or no.......concider your self told off....he he ....

...noeleena...

[Ginny Jones]

Hey Bobby - I'm 50 and when I got rid of the stubble initially I had the same response! I have found that it takes time to see what possible. looking after your skin makes a hell of a difference! Using moisturiser every day helps. I have been having laser treatment on my face and that black shadow has disappeared. The difference is amazing! So hang in there! Start playing with foundation. As already pointed out - beard cover makes a lot of difference - particularly orange (try Ben Nye Beard cover). You then cover that with foundation.

Once you get your eye in, it's amazing what you can achieve!

Hugs Ginny xxx

[Davita]

I shaved off my fur face after a couple of decades thinking that I would magically have lips. Guess what... Nope.

That first shave in so long was quite and eye opener, not scary not pretty... I was just different and now I was free to shave any time I wanted. When Davita isn't going out in public, I have a fur face. It takes all of two weeks to grow it back and needing a trim. I used to worry what would my in laws think of it coming and going, but now it's just something that happens.

[Erica S]

Bobby, do not give up your dream. Is it dressing like a woman that you desire? All of us here I am sure want to pass when we are fully in feminine mode. I finally made the leap that will help me I have recently shaved off my muschtace of 35years! I feels weird to be clean shaven but when I want to be dressed and made up this will be more convicing now I do not have facial hair. I hope you do not give up on your feminine side.

Hugs,

Erica

[Rikki]

Mine came off in 2003 after 23 years. It had turned pure white and I looked much younger, not to mention a bit more femme in wig and frills.

All the best,
Rikki