A common lady

[Robyn]

I can take the time to get all dolled up, and when doing so I can basically blend in (unless you stop to have a conversation with me). But woman generally aren’t wearing nice clothes to the grocery store, Target, the drug store, etc. Although most ladies take the time to avoid being frumpy, they don’t have to go to the extent that I do to look feminine. Finding a common look that makes me feel pretty is one thing, but actually appearing feminine is another.

I know, for many this doesn’t matter as you’re simply comfortable with who you are. Some CDs never go out of the house, others are comfortable wearing a combination of men's and woman’s outer clothing, while others prefer to simply wear woman’s undergarments covered by their male garb. We're all different, and that's a beautiful thing, but my needs are such that I dress to complete myself as a lady from top to bottom. Finding a combination of not overdressing and still feeling like I’m presenting myself as a female has proven to be difficult.

[OliviaM]

Hi Robyn. I haven't seen a picture where you didn't feminine, and when one of my GG's looked at the last picture u posted she that really looked like a woman. But I do know what you mean about finding that right look.
I also liked what you said in giving a range on the CD spectrum. Where ever we are on that scale we are all trying to be and look as feminine as we can. So I guess we have to over think and take the extra time to accomplish the goal. And I think you r doing a great job. Talk soon.

Olivia

[Noeleena]

Hi,

A commoner, how common can one be, ill take it as being in only how you dress as that seems to be what your saying about,

some ?s, whats not included ,= voice, manerisims how you act around people or interact with people, both male and female. how you walk, your facial expressions .

then presenting as a female or woman = as feminine. is difficult, why,

Okay im trying to see this from your stand point ,as I,v said I cant not being a male so I would struggle with that . any way ill try,

how you dress looks good and convincing . so those other details I,v said is part of your issue ,am I close , now heres where ill change details you are looking at only how you dress is that so.

Okay if that is so this is where it could be the issue , how you think how you are hard wired, and how you see your self . maybe ,??? can you think as - like a woman do you know how to,

I don't know how to think as a male so if you reverse it and asked me id say no way how can I im not hard wired as a male never was ,yet I can do many things males can even talk in their language to a point if as an ie , cars trucks farm gear and building in the building sector yes no issue there and I was trained by men to act or react to how I did things with out having to think it first .....what do I do .......what do I do , I just did it , or if you like male talk ...FIX IT.....

as a female I think as one interact as one talk as and like one Mentally and Emotionally and do as one , now did I have to learn to do this was I trained to be like or be a female you answer that .

What I did do was to grow into being a woman did I look at other women and follow or copy them ...no...im my own person I don't dress as a copy of other women I dress in my style I design and make many of my clothes for myself and not to follow fashion or some trendy style ,

yet I get lovely comments on how I look or pretty .

Okay I know many as I,v said can and do dress far lovelier and better than I and no doubt carry it off in a way that would make me look rubbish ,

To night I went to our Timaru Scottish soc meeting over 130 we had a lovely meal and entertainment was lovely as well and I talked with others, from our soc there were 7 of us and some from Oamaru our other soc , who I know and my clothes for the night were much the same as my photo on here,

Okay last ? lets say you are or were able to come with me to any one of the many meetings or do,s I attend, would you be comfortable being with me or going to one spos your answer would be youd feel uncomfortable and not be able to interact as I do with others in a free and open way ,

...noeleena...

[Carol Ann]

Oh Carol Ann loves to get all dressed up but mostly on a Sunday now when women still dress for church

Other then that I find blending in a lot more excepting when going to the store or where ever, now it's winter and cold most everywhere so I find jeans and a long sleeve top work out very well with a touch of lipstick I am off

[Robyn]

Hi Noeleena,

You truly are your own person, and you’re very comfortable with who you are. I admire that very much. Also, I’d be thrilled and honored to go with you to one of your meetings, but you’re right, I would probably be uncomfortable. Even as a male I tend to be reserved in social settings and don’t interact as freely as others. I’m well-liked by all my peers, and I’m always invited to be part of the group, but I tend to be cautious and composed in social outings. Nevertheless, my low-key personality seems to always be accepted.

So yes, I’m referring only to the way one dresses. Common meaning typical in this case. For example, while at the grocery store if one of the shoppers was pushing her cart down the aisle in a wedding gown she would draw more attention than the gal in jeans and sandals. And you’re absolutely right; voice and mannerisms are critical, but that’s a bigger hurdle that’ll take much longer for me to overcome.

I’m definitely wired as a male. I am a guy, and I don’t wish to change that, but I also have a feminine side which I express through clothing (for the most part). Being able to present myself as a female “part time” fulfills me emotionally and spiritually. My difficulty is finding my comfort level. Getting to the point that is seemingly so easy for some, like yourself is not quite that easy for me. My goal is to blend in. In fact, not being noticed at all would be ideal for me. :-)

[Robyn]

Carol Anne, you’re awesome! I look at you and am in awe of your entire persona. You truly are a lady, and I hope to be at your level one day.

[Heather W]

Yes part of the fun of being a girl is getting all dolled up but I do agree with you Robyn, fitting in is more important. Heather loves her skirts and hhels but for the grocery store, Target, etc. it is usually jeans and my riding boots. I find if I dress to fit the situation I never seem to draw attention to myself, well maybe a little.

[Anita]

Robyn wrote:

Although most ladies take the time to avoid being frumpy, they don’t have to go to the extent that I do to look feminine. Finding a common look that makes me feel pretty is one thing, but actually appearing feminine is another.

This issue used to bother me, and I never came up with any great solutions. I want to blend in, and most times I do. At the same time, I need more feminine cues than the average woman does. Older women often wear shorter hair; I find that difficult to pull off, because my face is not 'soft' at all, and the longer hair helps offset it. I don't want to wear heavy nightclub makeup down to the grocery store, but I need to have more for daytime than my sisters would. I can't easily wear jeans or sweats--I need women's pants that are clearly not for men; one pair is very baggy in a way that men's pants are not, and the other pair have wide-spaced stripes, which is also not something men's pants have.

There is some 'critical mass' of femme cues that I need to have, and it's always a game to find out what I can leave out on a given day.

[Diana Michelle]

Congratulations Robyn on understanding that we women don't get all dolled to run to pick up an half gallon of milk and a loaf of bread. I know back when I used to work in an office everyday wearing skirted suits I would feel a bit out of place stopping at the grocery store on my way home from work even after my surgery. I think you have an excellent grasp of how women dress and how we want to appear to the world. Enjoy your femininity and keep us informed of your adventures.

[Toni_Lynn_P]

We're all different, and that's a beautiful thing,

As Major Frank Burns of MASH said "Individuality is good thing, as long as we all do it together "

Seriously -- maybe it one of the things that occur with getting older, but one gets to a point where to a certain extent, the thrill is gone. Well, not gone, but rather replaced with a deep and far more satisfying thrill - the thrill of being who you are.

Its a bit like love. When we first meet our soul mate we experience emotional love and all goo-goo eyes over them. We then marry and day to day life sets in and that emotional love wanes. A far greater and longer lasting thing replaces it, something that is very strong, for emotional love is like a bubble, a love that endures.

So it is with our crossdressing -- eventually we reach a state that is good for as people. I think that state is to just be who we are, and that is a realisation that dressing to the 9s to get milk isn't what GGs do.

Hugs

Toni-Lynn

[Carole Hill]

Hi Robyn.

Like you, if I am going to be en femme, it is all the way. This is true whether I will be going out or staying home. Since I now live alone and spend about 90% of my time en femme I do not feel as if I have to be really dressed up when I go out. Even so, I will probably be better dressed than most of the women I see.

I am an older woman so I do not feel any pressure to be really "hot". The life of a CD is much easier then. This also means that I
am less likely to be "studied" by others. I seem to have found a good "blend" as I am always treated as a lady when I am out in public.

[Robyn]

Okay ladies, thanks for the input. It looks like I may have to look for a pair of pants. Don't take the sad face wrong, for I see so many of you looking absolutely feminine in pants; however, it's kind of ironic... my SO will tell you, long before I came out I always said "if I was a girl I'd only wear skirts and dresses", lol. Now I just have another fashion hurdle to overcome, slacks.

[Noeleena]

Hi Robyn.

To grow into being who you are, or, to get to that place where you should be .

Im certinly not going to say i have allways been as open as i am as for meetings and many people around me was not where i wonted to be , yet i was forced in some situstions to be there as i had a job to do over all i hated it as i had no confidence in my self lacked self esteem and self worth and hated how i looked and i dont mean the clothes i wore though hated them as well ,

had you come with me to meetings years ago some 50 to 20 years ago youd have to find me i.d be gone i never felt at home and i felt out of it some times i wished i was not there ,

So how i am now is very ..very ...different nothing like i was , some of my learning was to be good for myself ,so i could help others who were like i was ,

To be...as ...out going as i am to be inviting and talkitve and wellcoming has taken time a lot in fact ,

so i understand how you feel as people know i have stood in front of many 1000.s of people and talked to them and to come to that place of being able to do that was a major .

In 1963 i was asked ==forced == to get up in front of 60 people from one of the groups i went to ,

Oh...... how i Hated and wished i,d never been asked i could not read properly or speak as others could , aged 17, i stumbled through it , so after that i learned real quick if i know i was going to be asked again i was gone,

what changed what was different for myself i knew i was going to be put in this position and i was ....ready.... and not before , and knew i could speak from my heart other wise ,i would fail ,

Some times when we are pushed we are not ready nthere does come a time and we know its time ,

so dont dispare of details not being right at the moment and dont think oh dear i have to do this or that and being out of sorts because of maybe being asked , or feel your presured .

I have to becarefull of others as i have people work for myself in different groups and i have the final say in matters so i m aware of what its like for those who are or have been like myself years ago ,

When your in positions as i am i tell you i have to be so carefull,

Okay lighter moment , not being noticed or blending sounds good to me and i know many would rather it be that way,

This KID .....Well now i would find that so funny i,d be thinking to my self what do you mean OH ,,,you,d best not come any where with me with 1500 people you get so well known and if with me youd be put in front of so many people ,

One meeting there were 400 people and i was in front of all of them. well i had my job to do no time to think about it ,

and an evening would be here have one of my camaras and get some shots id have you working for me , and youd not have time to blend in , what ya say one night with me youd not ever be blending in again , ya ya i know just me being me ......

...noeleena...

[Ralitsa]

usually I will prefer a skirt or dress to slacks as well, which often leads me to wearing them in somewhat marginal circumstances.

But today I decided to wear my new capris. I bought them last weekend - they were on sale, they are size 6, and they fit what else can I say? And, if I say so myself, they look good on me. So this morning as I was walking into the local coffee shop, I was thinking how happy I am to be wearing an outfit that fits great, feels good, and looks nice.

So sometimes a pant or capri can be as much fun as a skirt or dress.

[Carol Ann]

WOW you are going out wearing capris in that cold you got up there in WI?