The cross-dressers cure.

[Lorna]

I do not want acceptance from the masses, because the masses are asses.

And that is just my opinion, that is the way I see it.

Right on the money, honey!!!

[Elizabeth]

Hi Darlene,
I basically consider a "cure" to be unlikely. I was trying to say that is the only cure I would be interested in. The one where everyone else has to change, not me. I would not want to give up this part of me.
Love always,
Elizabeth

[Loretta Ann]

Elizabeth wrote; the only cure I would be interested in. The one where everyone else has to change, not me.

Although I certainly understand how it is that you feel that way, that is a carbon copy of the attitude that the masses have about us.

And I guess I am not content to remain there. I consider my life worth enjoying, and have chosen an alternative that enables me to do just that. Call that a cure...or what ever you like, but it works for me.

[Gelinda]

As some of the literature that everyone as point out to me to read says, We have periods we go thru, and in the end we are one with ourselves. Periods of mainly male and some female, then half and half, and then the blending period starts, and then we are one. I just wish I could figure out witch I am in and how to accelerate the process. Gee.

[Aislin]

Why do I need a Cure?

Is something wrong? Has my reality intruded on yours again? And was it your choice?

Very interesting thread, begs a comment if not a puzzlement Thanks for posting it.

Is it an illness I would want to cure? I have an addictive personality. to be addicted to the other sexes clothes could be misconetrued as deviant. Deviant only to the current norms of society. Since I have never fit in society it may be better to revolt in this way, instead of refing my practical understanding of explosives and particle physics. Would you rather have me find a nonleathal way to spend money possibly shocking you on the street, or finding satisfaction in causing irrepairable harm to scores of others.

Sometimes I get off on tangents.

Still no regrets. Besides silk and nylon feel so much better then dungarees and broad cloth. (what is broad cloth, and if i wear it will I be closer to being a broad?)

Aislin

[Loretta Ann]

I guess the cure if you can call it that, boils down to this. Do we want to focus on trying to get society to accept us so that we can be happy? (some day?) Or is it possible for us to live our lives loving ourselves now?

Frankly I have spent far to much time in the past attempting to change others, and conditions so that I might be able to be happy about who I am and enjoy my life some day.

Well for me that "some day" has arrived, it is called today.

To quote another poster from a different thread

I read once that Sigmund Freud's problem was that he defined
"normal" as whatever conformed to the values and customs of middle-
class Vienna at the beginning of the 20th century.
.
Not much has changed, has it? Only the date and the geography.

I do not want this to escalate into anyone having to feel that they need to prove who is right, or wrong. I think I have said enough here to make my point. It has provided food for thought, and I will trust that each one of us are intelligent enough to draw our own conclusions. Thanks to every one who has contributed to this thread.

[Kersten Lee]

Hi All!

It sure is nice to have a little time to write again. We are currently
under threats of tornados again with hard rain and 70 mile per hour winds.

I enjoy all of your company!

Aislen, we all know you are fine. I'm so glad you are so happy and confident.
No one here thinks any of us are in a need of a cure because
we all love to cross dress in varying degrees. A cross dresser and minister
of a church for all sorts of good people, used to always sign out with,
our mileage may vary.

It seems that I may be the odd girl out again. I am that quote of Darlene's.
I know of what it speaks. From constant child abuse I have been an
unhappy person all my life. The older I got and as bad things happened
to me, cross dressing became my only temporary happiness in life.
I was control by dressing the same as an alcoholic or a drug addict living
for the next high. I have learned to handle my problems in different ways.
Dressing is not a stresser for me anymore. I shop, get my toes
polished, and dress at home everynight. I dress and go out when
things fall into place for me and I feel feminine. Sometimes it is stronger
and sometimes not so much.

I used to let fear of other people stop me from going out. Something bad
could happen to anyone of us whether dressed or not. But I have a
healthy fear now, as a woman should, to be smart and careful not to tempt
fate. That line changes from time to time for most of us. That line will also
be different from cd to cd.

Darlene, I love your questions as we all expand our horizons.

Hugs,
Kersten

[Gelinda]

Kersten, I just moved from Scottsbluff at the end of Feb. I loved it there other than the wind. It never stops. One day i will go back as I have a lot of friends there. Gee

[Aislin]

Is cross dressing an addiction?

Hmmmmmm. I believe some aspects of it are.

In the preceeding posts of the last week, there have been references to addictive traits. From the lady who purged over a year ago and is now finding himself attracted to womens styles and clothes at the mall, to those experiencing lifestyle and relationship changes. The ladies much like myself who will begin the hunt for that special outfit, Searching for just the right style and size.

Having purged more times than I care to acknowledge, it feels like the multiple times I quit before becoming sober. somehow I just kept coming back to the Drugs and alcohol. While those were destructive behaviors that needed to change, and were related to my mental health. I was not happy conforming to societies standards.

Something I did not realize untill now: Every time I purged led to another bout of binge drinking. wow an unasked for revelation. Feeling a little Angry, Sad and confused. The psychologists preach a gentler kinder world while holding onto their own social and ethical mores. Preaching peace and the greater good of social justice while maintaing a shadow scientific protected view of the world. I ask you then, if I live my beliefs, finding happyness in my existence, do I lead life with my head in the clouds addicted to those things that make me ,Me?

No!

I have wants, needs and desires. Having accepted "those things I cannot change", I have discovered a new life, Aislin. Able to broach the subjects that intrest me while maintaing the facade of being the manily man. Instead of accepting Aislin's beliefs as a part of me, she has developed into a public persona of those traits desired by society in women. In her desire to get out I crossdress manifesting her identity to the world.

As an addiction she would not exist. I embrace her and that part of me that wants to be softer and kinder without being judged. Aislin is my response to the social stimulii that try to predefine social standing by judging actions. To have this mask saves us from being judged as effeminate man, being pigeonholed in societies classifications as some one less than human.

The bottom line here is this: By being a Crossdresser I continually strive to develop all aspects of humanity, becomming a total human not a sociologic enuch. I am addicted to learning everything thing I can while on this journey. Cross dressing is a tool to my inner awaking allowing the ability to experience the total human condition.

Yes I have walked a mile in your shoes, and I liked it!

Aislin

[Kersten Lee]

Good for you Aislin!

Kersten

[Anita]

Hi Aislin--
Nicely put! I also did not want to deal with life as an effeminate man--that did NOT appeal to me at all! So I could be sensitive or gentle up to a point, and then I'd hit this wall, and I'd be stuck. To remain a competent man, I couldn't go any further.

For about 3 decades, this didn't bother me much, because every sensitive man I knew faced the same limitations We didn't even talk about it; we knew the rules, and played by them. So we were more sensitive than the average man might be, but we were still "men."

But came a time in my forties when that didn't cut it anymore, and I had no idea how to get around it. I never even thought of CDing, but that's what became the solution to a problem that I wasn't even aware was bothering me.

So as extreme as it may be, it's a lot easier to be a crossdresser than it is to be seen as an effeminate man! I get respect as a CD, and I can't see any other way that I could be more sensitive, and still expect that. So that's one reason why CDing is a big plus, to me. It solved some long-standing problems.
A

[Loretta Ann]

Following is an edited copy from a PM that I received from one of our Sisters this morning, who gave me permission to post it if I thought it would be useful.

We are all individuals, but amongst us certain characterizations may group us together under smaller subheadings. Sharing with others, I see girls with the same feelings as I. I would never go back to being the way I felt about myself and the torchered need to dress. It never could completely fill my soul. Now I dress to be lovely like a morning flower.

The self doubt, pain, the need to dress for sexual release, the doubt if what I was doing was right, the question am I really a terrible pervert, will a God hate me for doing and being who I am, the worry everyday --will that one wrong person find out about me and try to ruin my life... is 90% behind me now.

Going out the door dressed and walking on dark streets at night to feel I was part of the universe while I was shaking from the adrenalin rush, wasn't near the joy I feel now just going in drab and getting a pedicure and getting my toes polished in colors that I love.
I have dressed completely and gone to the video store to buy cds and rent movies three times in the last 2 months. Each time men and women asked if they could help me find anything. They may have been curious, maybe they didn't care how I was dressed, but I feel the me inside and like who I am. They treated me with respect and kindness. I have nothing else I need. I now have the acceptance I have craved for.

For all of us to arrive at the place where there is "nothing else I need," should in my opinion be our destination. And that is the cure (if you want to call it that) that I am talking about. This person has arrived there some what different to way I have, and I see nothing wrong with that. For instance I do not feel the need to go out Cross-dressed, but others do.

[Elizabeth]

Darlene,

I think that this is right on the money. That is how I feel exactly, except I have never gone out in public. But it is not because I don't have the desire to. I am looking to get to this same place. That would be a cure for me.
Love always,
Elizabeth

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

In all the crossdresser propaganda I have seen on tv and in print over the years, I have never seen or heard anyone say "I used to be a crossdresser, and I am glad I quit" For me, the more I do, the more I want to do. I have been forced to not dress, but I have never thought I wanted to stop for any reason other than social consequences. I do it because it makes me feel great. It is like putting on a Superman suit. I guess when it stops feeling that way, my desire will subside, but in the 31 years I have been crossdressing, it never has.
Love always,
Elizabeth

[Kathy]

“What I need to do is to work on incorporating the best traits of my female personality with the best traits of my male personality so that both sides can become one and live as one. But to do that will require society to change its view of what it is to be MALE as well as what it means to be FEMALE. The current "rules of society" are obsolete in the 21st century and I would like to live [long enough] to see them change.”

That is a quote from a posting I made on a different forum earlier this evening. In the context of this thread, what I said there would constitute my “cure”.

I have been dressing for nearly four decades since I was around 5 or 6. At first, I only knew that I liked the feeling of wearing my sister’s clothes. Way too young to have any concept of why this should be wrong. I just knew it felt good.

As I entered into my teen years, it became an avenue for sexual gratification. As others have said, it got out of control. Also, early in this phase, I was caught, dressed in my sister’s clothes, by my parents. They took me to see a psychiatrist to find out what was “wrong with me and can it be cured”. That is when I started fighting against the feelings and the “binging and purging” began. For nearly 30 years this went on. I’d get the uncontrollable urge to dress then the feeling of “No, this is wrong” over and over again. I never stopped to try to find out why this was happening. Looking back on it, as Aislin mentioned in one of her posts, it certainly manifested like an addiction.

Mind you that during this time I had no girlfriends, no SO, nobody to talk to about this. No support group of any kind. It was a very lonely period in my life.

I have no clear memory of what caused that period to subside. Perhaps it was the opening of the internet and the startup of web based search engines. But I found myself in a position to start looking up material on the subject. Most of it was junk but there were a few pieces here and there that helped me start to make some sense of what was going on in my head.

Gradually, I began to realize that I was no longer dressing for sexual release but for emotional release. I could wear lingerie under my guy clothes for days at a time without sexual feelings of any kind. I just felt more relaxed if I had something feminine on my body. Then, one day, out of the blue, the name Kathy popped into my head and she has been with me for nearly eight years now. But it was only about eighteen months ago, after reading a couple of good books about crossdressing, that I really began accepting Kathy into my life and nurturing her.

During those past months, I have given much consideration to what it is that my dressing means. What is Kathy’s role in my life?

When I am Kathy, I am more compassionate, more forgiving, more emotional. I could go on but you know where I’m going with this. It is my female attributes that I am forced by society to suppress.

I need to be able to bring those traits out in my MALE persona. For that to happen, society must accept the fact that it is not only OK for males to express female traits but also NECESSARY for that to happen. Women are allowed to express their male attributes when the need arises and society doesn't even notice. It is time for the double standard to be eradicated.

Darlene wrote “Universal acceptance is something that in my opinion falls into the category of one of the things that we/I can not change.

I don't care how many Laws one manages to change, it will not become a reality Ever!!!”

Well, I do not and can not agree with that statement. Society can be changed through education, not mandates and, I believe that education has already started. But if we want society to accept us as we want to be, then we had better make sure we have accepted ourselves first.

And that is where I see the greatest value of forums such as this one.

You people are terrific and I’m glad to have found you.