Hi

[Chantelle]

When feeling more secure, I promise to properly introduce myself. I apologize to all of you because I know this is unfair of me. In particular, I apologize to you Beauty (as I sent you an email a few days ago without any real introduction).

Although CDing has its benefits, it also has many drawbacks (guilt, stigma, isolation, possible suspicion from family members and friends, heightened levels of internalized fear, suicide etc, etc). For a time, I wondered whether some kind of electro-shock therapy could just “fry” this out of my brain. Can you believe that? It was only at this point (in my early 20's, I am now in my 30's OMG ) that I considered how much might have to be “fried” and whether I would be a better person if this were done (assuming it is possible to do).

I know that these are naive (and perhaps dogmatic) questions, but why can’t a person just stop? What might happen if a person does stop (any experiences)? I have long wondered whether this is best understood as an addiction or a weakness? What makes me INSANE is that I keep asking, “why can’t I just accept that masculinity and femininity are really arbitrary, culturally defined and even self-defined thereby making CDing unnecessary?” Does that make sense? Have other people had such thoughts/questions?

Upon reflection, this is a really loaded post that makes me come across as a rather unhappy, tortured soul (oops) when in reality most people regard me as quite happy, well adjusted and confident. Thank you in advance to all who read and respond.

[Marda]

Hi Chantelle
Welcome here
Truthfully, I'm only a few weeks ahead of you in my own "self-release" ...
However, I'm also pretty experienced at surviving ... but that doesn't say I haven't felt "tortured" for most of the last 30 years ...
What I try to keep low profile (yeah ... like here where millions can SEE ... is the fact that I'm a suicide survivor ... less than 2 yrs ago, the attempt was real and serious but accidental ... the survival was "Miraculous" ... I'm now a "Success Story" at a Mental Health Services Centre ...
What's the *Greatest Miracle* to *Me* these days ??? ...
The fact that *None* of my medical / professional support people know I'm an "Androgynous" (CD) Human Being & *PROUD OF IT*
"Seek Emergency Medical Help if you *think you want to *Harm Yourself*" ... there's no need for your death ... you may be upset and disoriented ... the world may call you "sick" ... but in many ways, you are (my words) a "Gender Identity Explorer" ...
think about the *Bravery* of those who sailed the open seas centuries ago to discover that Earth was *Not Flat* ... look at the stars and think of Galileo Galilei and the abuse he suffered for challenging "conventional wisdom" ... listen to some Mozart and think about Amadeus' story
Once again ... I've said too much

Love / Marda

[Virginia]

Uh! Uh! Uh! I get to take the first shot at this! First WELCOME to the "Answer-ship!" Chantelle!! The old adage among this group is "Girl, you ain't alone!!!" A lot of us have been, are or soon will realize that we are travelling the same road you are, so here goes. All my sisters know what is coming next: READ CARL JUNG considered by many to be the father of modern psychology, his "Crossdressing/Anima Theory" opened my eyes and I think it has helped a lot of our sisters here find an easier path!
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepage ... /anima.htm
There are a lot of posts here at this site and to read all of them could take a while - a long while, but there are some very brilliant observations made by many of the ladies here. Yes, we have had purges, and even a divorce or two over this. I will be blunt, you need to make sure this is you! That you are truly a crossdresser, this takes some very indepth self-evaluation. For a lot of us crossdressing is just the exterior. AS you will find out from Jung if it is a part of you it goes much, much deeper AND if you have THIS GIFT AND IT IS A GIFT!!! CHANTELLE IT AIN'T EVER, EVER GONNA GO AWAY!! Now you can repress it or supress it, but it is part of you and you will take it with you to the grave!! Those of us at this site who have let the Anima (Jung's term) come to fruition in our lives would not let it be any other way!!! This gift will give you insight into things you never dreamed possible! To have empathy of others, to love unconditionally, to develop a gentleness to your self as well as others. things that the male ego, id, or what ever just will not let you be!! If that is what you want and again deep deep self-evaluation then I say, "Welcome to Chantelle's Magical Mystery Tour." your gonna love it!!!!!
If you decide that it isn't for you, perhaps a wise decision and think how much you have learned just by introducing yourself to us. We are normal, well-adjusted, intelligent, hard working (mostly) family folk with children and grandchildren, it is just that we this gift and most of us want to share it with anyone and everyone. The gift of love, respect, empathy, gentleness and the desire to make this a better world for everyone.
God Bless you and may SHE speed you on your journey and if your road is with us. Welcome to the rest of your life!!
Love,
Deborah

[Virginia]

Marda!! Were did you come from hon?? Here I think I get the first shot and you do! I ain't complainin' you done good as always, guess I am just a slow typist - I know I am a slow thinker.
Love ya, darlin!
Deborah

[Chantelle]

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for the responses! I knew I came across too despondent. I am not suicidal or anything, but sometimes it is just difficult to handle. I have tried very hard to be a so-called "perfect person" and sometimes feel as though this is a "character flaw". I will read the Jung article Deborah...thanx.

[Rebecca]

Hi Chantelle,

A big welcome to the forum, I think you will like it here.

Regarding your questions, can you imagine being able to express yourself as you truly desire, as you feel inside. Being able to express your feminine side when it is needed ? If there was a magic wand to give you this would you choose to give it up ?

If you are anything like me then answering that question will give you the answer as to why you can't give it up. It is simply there, for whatever reason and can't be denied. That sounds bad if you are fighting it. Stop fighting it, accept it and then it's time to learn how to live with it.

You will find loads of support here, a wealth of info from people who are in the thick of things, love, courage, heartache, joy and even times when somebody is in a bit of a mood.

But you will not be alone

Love
Rebecca xxx

[Marda]

Hi All,

Excuse me plz ... but I *understand* the Jung material referred to to be "philosophically" incomplete and consequently misleading ...

I do *appreciate* the basic concepts outlined ... but imho this material, without further investigation and serious "extra-dimensional" contemplation leads to "gender identity *Fragmentation*" as opposed to "GI *Integration*"

I also admire the *spirit* in which all support is offered and wish *not* to be seen as *critical* in any other than the intellectual sense ... which to me is all about *Not* resting with a particular set of "psychological" inquiries and assertions ...

The most slack I can cut Mr.Jung at this stage is something akin to one of Edison's "failed" attempts in *light bulb* development ... certainly something to learn from ... but a far cry from anything to *run with*


Love / Marda

[Virginia]

Marda,
You are as usual correct, BUT for me it was a starting point, something to get my mind around as a basic answer to "what the hell is wrong with me?" I think that most if not all the girls who have read Jung's Anima theory understand that it is only a starting point and that you have to develop your own understanding of "Yes I am who I am." Incidently you know you blew my mind with your inference that perhaps "we" as males are not as in charge as we would like to think. That it is only the Anima letting us think we have the upper hand! I am still working on that and will be for a long time.
Love ya,
Deborah

[Dixie Darling]

Hello Chantelle. I haven’t posted any messages or replies in quite a LONG time, but I still make the rounds and read all I can when I have the time.

Your question (“Why can’t I just STOP crossdressing?”) has been asked hundreds of times in as many places and there are, as of yet, NO answers as to why some of us simply MUST crossdress. The best explanation available (my opinion here) is that of the hormone wash theory. Mind you that this is ONLY a theory, but one I’ve seen discussed at length in a lot of places and it’s the only one I’ve ever seen that makes logical sense.

Basically, near the end of the first trimester of pregnancy the developing child receives a massive “wash” of hormones. This is a natural occurrence in any developing fetus. However, this “wash” is of utmost importance and determines such things as the color of the eyes, hair, skin tone, etc. Literally HUNDREDS of genetic factors that will be present when the child is born. Most important at this time is what the gender of the child will be. As I understand it, up to this point in time, it could go either way and this massive hormone wash is the determining factor as to which way it WILL go. It’s also at this critical point when “wiring errors” can occur and that’s why there is a theory that it’s at this precise time when the seeds for the propensity of crossdress are planted.

These “seeds” can lie dormant for several years, but in MOST cases they usually manifest their presence and begin to grow between the ages of 6 and 12 years of age. Although I have a few CD friends who never had any desire to dress as women until in their 40s or 50s.

So in a nutshell, my opinion is that crossdressers are BORN that way. We don’t have a choice about it any more than we do as to what color our eyes will be, whether we’ll be right or left handed, or what color our hair will be. The thing to do is to learn to ACCEPT that fact and know that there’s no getting rid of the desire. Regardless of what society in general thinks, it’s NOT a matter of choice – it’s a NEED that we have that demands fulfillment. What’s depressing about this need is that society sees it as something perverse and demeaning when in reality it’s a totally harmless activity that is a threat to no one. Furthermore, we don’t require a partner to fulfill this need (although it IS an advantage to have an accepting spouse and/or like minded friends with whom to socialize and discuss common interests). Personally, I’d rather have THIS harmless need as opposed to one which is acquired and self destructing such as drugs or alcohol.

So, Chantelle, I guess what I’m telling you here is to try to accept the fact that you were BORN a crossdresser and you will always BE one. The sooner you accept yourself, the sooner you can begin to enjoy this ‘gift’ you’ve been given. There’s a lot of no-nonsense information on accepting yourself (and also information for your wife or girlfriend if you have one) on my web site. Feel free to visit it and have her do the same. It’s “G” rated so you won’t find anything there that will embarrass you or her. The address is: http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd . You can also fee free to email me if you’d like. There’s a link to my email on the site.

Hugs,
Dixie Darling

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Chantelle,

First let me You on board this ship.

As usual my Sis. Deb. has been very complete with the information she has provided. you will find her one of our kinder souls on board this boat.

I would just like to respond to your questions;

why can’t a person just stop? What might happen if a person does stop (any experiences)? I have long wondered whether this is best understood as an addiction or a weakness?

I stopped for eight years, and it is my belief that it hurt me, contributing to a medical condition, that has rendered me unemployable, forcing me into early retirement.

Although I believe that anything taken to the extremes can become an addiction, it is my belief that it is nether an addiction or a weakness, but instead something that needs to be accepted and embraced. which then allows it to be recognized as a strength.

I think that is probably the key as to whether for you it will be a weakness or a strength. And that is some what dependent upon your living conditions. Pertaining to whether one is married or not, and if married is probably dependent upon how accepting your family is of you.

Cross-dressing for many is a stress reliever (it certainly is for me), and I believe the more stress one has to deal with the more intense there need to cross-dress will be. Acceptance by family or ones self can not help but add more stress to the equation. Ones inability to relieve stress (in a non destructive way) is in my opinion is the major enemy that causes addictions.

Therefore cross-dressing as long as it is not hurting someone can be a friend and/or a strength. If it hurts someone it can quite easily be seen as an enemy, or a weakness.

PS Dixie's post appeared as I was witting mine.

[Jassmine(SO)]

Howdy Chantelle,

I too want to wish you a warm welcome

You have indeed found a wonderful place here

As to your questions, I wish to add to the other GREAT replies:

Know thyself and to thine own self be true

*Hugs & Love*

[CJ]

Why does a rose smell so sweet?

Why is the sky so blue?

I don't know but, regardless, I'll unfurl my wings and glide through its warm expanse.

Welcome to the forum, Chantelle.

The answer you seek, if answer there is, lies within you. What you'll find here is a safe place to explore yourself as you address the question.

It's a mystery to me, too, why a person such as myself, who's accepting of all elements that consitute her, both feminine and masculine and all points in between, should feel this need to present as either a man or a woman. I've come to accept this seeming division as part of who I am--my own blue sky.

I hope you have fun poking around the forum and meeting new people. Maybe somewhere down the line, you'll meet yourself, too, and it'll feel as though you're doing so for the very first time.

I look forward to hearing more from you soon.

Love,
CJ

[Chantelle]

I just wanted to thank you all for being so patient with me. I am not sure why I was so nervous to post. I am out with my SO (though I have never gone out in public...6' too tall ). She is really great and I am thinking of asking her to take a look at this site.

I am struck by the fact that there are others in this situation.

I must also say that I get a real vicarious kick out of looking at some of the pics people have posted. I smile every time I look at one. I guess that I have been so self-restrained and conscientious (y'know anal), that I totally want to laugh or cry at the way people seem so open about it. It removes some of the stigma for some reason. I don't know how to express myself properly about this, but it is kind of a victory for me you know? Good for you and thank you so much!

[Marda]

Hi Chantelle
That's *Great* !!!
Now you won't be too nervous when the tech crews show up at your place on Sunday to install the WebCam_NetLink to the forum ...

This is *Soo Kooool* ... your very own *Reality "TV" Show* ... and you don't even have to remember any lines ...
but I guess Beauty told you all that stuff when you signed the contract ...

Bravo Girl ... J_Lo ain't got nothin' on *You* !!!

ttfn / Marda

[Gaven McLaren]

Hello Chantelle,
Welcome to the board and do not worry about those feelings. I have had them and before I found this baord I was just starting to accept myself as a crossdresser. I do have to ask where did you get your name? I ask because that is also my niece's name.