Nyoka's Dressing

Nyoka · Post by **Nyoka** » Fri Aug 20, 2004 11:12 pm

I think my crossdressing are tied in with my childhood self gratification practice in some way.

When I was younger before teenage years I would do that and fantasize of having sex as a boy with girls.

I dont remember if at that age my fantasies sometimes consist of me been a girl, but my first climax I was fantasising of having sex as a boy with a girl, one of my cousin she was older than me.

As time went on I continued gratifying myself and fantasising of me been a girl doing it with a boy, and sometimes with a girl with me as a boy.

Then as time went on I started putting on my sisters panties in the bathroom, then tryin on her makeups, wigs skirts etc. with instant erections, then fantasizing of having sex with a female and sometimes me as a female with a male.

It so happened that I went out of town on some casual affairs, and was staying at this house, there I find all the privacy in the world .

At this place I happened to run into a whole bunch of female clothes left behind by the previous tenants, then here comes the urges, so I gladly obliged, while in these clothes I had the same reaction down there.

It was during this time about three years ago that I actually become aware and conscious of the topic of crossing and transgenderism.

Clad in these female clothes at this place I did things that I have never did before (and it feel so good) I lounged around the house, on the back porch go to bed in nighties.

At the moment I am at the stage where I am feeling the urge to go out dressed-up.

So far I have been out dress in my car wearing only a dress and panties, no makeups, wigs shoes etc.and at the park at night, alone.

At the end of and during my dressed-up sessions and girl rituals I always tapped it off with fantasizing of me been a guy with a girl, or me as a girl with a guy or with a girl.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sat Aug 21, 2004 7:27 am

Nyoka,
Needless to say a lot of your sisters here started somewhat the same way. Not quite understanding what was happening with themselves, but noticing a nice warm inner glow when dressed, or getting dressed or even considering the feminine aspects of their existence. As you struggle through the various stages of crossdressing, you may reach a point where you are satisfied with yor life and choose not to consider and other chages or understanding of the whys that go along with this "lifestyle." There is nothing wrong with that, but i would suggest that you take a few minutes and read the following article (again indifference to my sister Marta/ yes it is somewhat incomplete), but it is a starting point for those who wish to delve furthur into this "gift" we have been given
Nyoka, if you find time to read it, let us know what you think about it:
Virginia
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepage ... /anima.htm

Tracy · Post by **Tracy** » Sat Aug 21, 2004 8:08 am

I just got done reading that and it's given me a lot of insight into my own self.

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Sat Aug 21, 2004 8:50 am

Nyoka,

Thanks for sharing that with us. I really appreciate your openess and honesty. Being honest with ourselves has a lot to do with how we feel about ourselves and our crossdressing.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Rebecca · Post by **Rebecca** » Sat Aug 21, 2004 10:03 am

Hi Nyoka,

It's already been said and I do agree, your honesty will help you through lifes journey.

I also found Virginia's Anima link interesting, and although, as Marda says it's incomplete, it certainly does give a direction to look into.

Thanks for sharing your story

Keep on posting, Nyoka

Love
Rebecca xxx

Nyoka · Post by **Nyoka** » Sat Aug 21, 2004 8:26 pm

Hey Girls,

Thanks for your friendly feed-backs as always.

Hey Virginia, thanks girl for the link.

I have read it before somewhere on line, but surly with more insights this time around.

In reality there are a crossdresser in many males that doesn't actually crossdress.

I think the deference with those that
actually crossdress (whether they are in the closet or out)
and those that doesn't is a
matter of been honest with ones feelings.As well as bold enought to do whats appealing
to you even thought society your friends etc. might redicule it.

Some people are naturally more adventurous and brave than others.
Some people will take risk to do what they enjoyed and some will not even thought they both have the same passions.

You can never really tell a crossdresser simply by the way they dress.
Some of this and more is exactly what
"Jung's Anima Theory and How it Relates to Crossdressing"
is getting at...lots more to say, I will continue to post on the subject.

*Hugs*

Nyoka · Post by **Nyoka** » Sat Aug 21, 2004 8:32 pm

Cant believe what I did today.I cant believe I was so brave.

I dont know what got into me today, I suddendly got up and decided that I need a shoes (a female one of course) so I got in my car went to
payless got me a women-size-11,
black, 3 inch heels, open-toes, strap around the ankles shoes,
and a male sneekers(to sort of save face

) with it.

Went to the check-out, there was three girls at the check-out
and about three other shoppers in there.

Nobody says anything or act strange. I pay for my shoes
picked up my bag say thank you back
to the check-out girl, and that was it. It was my first time buying a female article of clothing
in person. I am so proud of myself

.

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Sat Aug 21, 2004 11:59 pm

Nyoka,

You wrote; I think the deference with those that actually cross-dress (whether they are in the closet or out) and those that doesn't is a matter of been honest with ones feelings.As well as bold enough to do whats appealing to you even thought society your friends etc. might ridicule it.

If I were to go out dressed and become all sweaty in womens clothes it would gross me out. I Dress about 95% of the time, and that is done in my home. It is enough to meet my needs.

Some have needs that are different than mine, and can only satisfy them by going out dressed, but I do not understand those needs. We do not all fit into the same box.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Mon Aug 23, 2004 7:24 am

Hi Nyoka,

I'm with everyone else. I am glad you felt ok to be so open and honest here. As you can see it even helped one person look into their-self.

Please be careful out there when going out en-femme. It sounds like you were, but monitor bravery with safety. We're all one angry person away from being harmed. As TG'd folks our odds are a lot higher.

Regardless, thanks for telling us about yourself!

It was great to read about your beginnings.

Beauty

CJ · Post by CJ » Mon Aug 23, 2004 7:40 am

Hi all,

Nyoka,

Congrats on the shoe purchase, girl!

What a rush that must've been for you! First purchases are always fondly remembered (even if they didn't turn out to be easy). Bravo for your bravery, indeed!

Love,
CJ

Wendy Seymone · Post by **Wendy Seymone** » Wed Aug 25, 2004 3:07 am

Way to go Nyoka!!

Hugs,
Wendy

Nyoka · Post by **Nyoka** » Sun Aug 29, 2004 7:02 am

Hi Ladies

Thanks for all the wonderfull feedbacks

Sorry for taking so long to return.

CJ, yes it was quite a rush, I was very exited even thought a little nervous.
Thanks.

Beauty, your advise are well taken and apreciated, Thanks girlfriend

Darlene, yes some of us needs are defferent, some of us are satisefied
by dressing in our home, while some feels the need and desire to go out.

What I am trying to say, is that we who dress explore our desire to dress, while some might feel
the same need and desire but doesn't, because someone say its"wrong"

I wrote that because I thought that you might miss the point in the section that you quote, but I could be wrong. *Hugs*

Hi Wendy, Thanks, yes girl **Way to go**

Thanks girls, Hugs,

Sorry about possible wrong spelling etc. I didn't spell check.Shame on me.

Kristen · Post by **Kristen** » Sun Aug 29, 2004 9:44 am

Nyoka, New shoes ?!! I like buying shoes more than anything else. Are you on your way to buying a whole outfit? I like it when you go up to the counter and get no reaction. I am working to go to a store while completely enfem. I just get so nervous my voice even quivers just going thru a drive thru fast food place dressed. So I do have some selfimage issues yet. Getting better at it. Just need to relax and enjoy. Hope you have fun with the new shoes. ............Kristen

Nyoka · Post by **Nyoka** » Fri Sep 03, 2004 8:18 am

Hey Kristen,

Oh yes I am really thinking on buying a whole outfit, or some outfits.
I would definitely like to go shopping enfem, but I know what you meen about the nervousness,
I was nervous when buying the shoes. I walk around in the park not far from me in them, and OH what a feeling.

I saw a guy there walking around in his birthday suit. He didn't seem to mind a soul.

Just when you might thought that you are extreme you ran into someone way ahead.

*Hugs*

Amelie-Laveau · Post by **Amelie-Laveau** » Fri Sep 03, 2004 2:43 pm

Good for you Nyoka, I missed the begining of this thread, but you seem to be enjoying your shopping. Sometimes buying the clothes can have a thrill like wearing them, There's the same tension, fear and a gratify feeling at the end when all works out well.
Once again go for it, be sure to live your life the way you want.

Love Amelie

PS- Where is this park you go to, it sounds like a lot of fun.Lol