Better To Be A Woman? Rejected Less By Opposite Sex

[Loretta Ann]

CJ wrote;
when it comes to how best to understand the opposite sex. Really, there's nothing to "understand."

CJ. One of the books that I have read was entitled "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus".

In it I learned a lot that helped me better understand women. So much so that I as I began to observe men and women, husbands and wives, in conversation. I was able to test out what I had learned by saying to the woman "this is how I see how you see what has just taken place, Am I correct"? They always responded that is correct. I never got a negative response. Not even once...ever.

I experimented on more than one woman, and received a positive answer every time.

I would like to suggest there may be room to question some of your convictions, regarding the statement you made above.

Love Darlene.

[Beauty]

Yikes.

In 1 of my 20 little paragraphs I referred to you CJ and the dating thing.

Sorry that it read like I was kind of going over old stuff with you again. I really wasn't it was about rejection and was a post to Merinda.

John Gray's book Venus and Mars stuff I swore I'd never pick that book up, but I ended up being humbled by how complex women are when they think and feel. He taught me things about women I knew, but didn't understand. I read the first 5 chapters then it started turning into advice about things I didn't agree with, so I didn't finish it. He gave opinions. I honestly didn't mean to call this author my guide for anything, but he did make very insightful points like, letting a woman talk without giving any advice. I'd always thought when a gal was talking about a problem they wanted a solution, but I learned from Mr. Gray that not giving a solution and qualifying that I heard what they said was like, "whoa! She's really happier." I did this with my women friends and my wife. It was such an eye opening event. I was totally amazed. Another thing I learned was no matter how many times they ask, "Do I look fat?" you should stay positive and not get aggravated that they ask ever few hours. Hmm? Maybe I should read more since he was so on and I learned that women are different and not like men.

The stuff about dating I've gotten from women themselves (how to approach them so you don't get rejected). It was one gal who taught me how to be myself and not change around them.

You said you were happy that I was honest, but me thinks me spoketh too mucheth. Our history of debating the dating thing is old. I didn't want to rehash it and I thought I'd stayed clear enough of it and talked more about rejection (less that one paragraph). I guess not though. I will not even tread lightly around the subject as it seems to be an opened wound. I accept full responsibility for my ignorance and I am super sorry you felt you had to defend who you are again.

Since I felt comfy we were past that I took liberties to not over explain things. I should have taken even more time because I even hinted about it and it was a topic that was hot before. The whole fiasco was a major error on my part.

I actually thought it was ok after I didn't read anything negative about my post from others. Especially because of Jassimine(SO) saying we both made good points and Darlene's post that put things we said together. I even thought I was in the clear when I read the thing about me being open minded. But your post seemed to say we are different in lots of ways, or that's what I read, but I think you're a feminist and I'm not and that is our biggest difference.

Although I had the confidence to approach women I never did it. Similarity. I just wasn't ever lonely again after I was taught what to do. I haven't ever approached a woman for a date since my school episode where I was laughed at. Women only approached me. Another Similarity. I've let someone know I'm interested in them, but I had to know they liked me before I shared any feelings with them. I've dated 5 women my whole life and all of them made the first move (Another similarity. ) I was rather clueless they even liked me. My wife and I were introduced.

As I look back maybe it seems like the things I was saying were ways I'd gotten to date women, but they were really things I'd learned from women.

brb .. I have to look up the word desideratum Ahhh.. ok it means something desired as essential. Cool. Learning is so awesome!

I was being open and honest about rejection not about dating. Sorry my words seemed like they were trying to get at you by bringing up an issue that expired with our last thread regarding predators.

So again, since I was the one who opened Pandora's box in the forum, I felt it would only be fair to apologize here too. I absolutely promise I meant my post to be primarily about rejection for Merinda to let her know I really related with her. The dating thing was just something I mentioned in passing and I should have been more attentive to how it may have been taken.

I hope you feel my apology is sincere and if you re-read my post you can see how it's more towards rejection and not towards the dating thing. Even if it does read better I'm still sorry CJ.

Beauty

[Merinda]

CJ,

I wouldn't freak out on you or any of the other girls their replies have been just great , I read Beauty's story and I relate to that .

I can well relate to what Jasmine brought up in relation to girls going for bad guys---
I once asked a work collegue out on a date , she said that she would consider it because she had just broke up with her boyfriend , later in the week she told me that she couldn't go out with me because she had just got back together with the boyfriend.
I asked her if he was going to give her a black eye to match the other black eye that she recieved from him previously ?? , no answer.
Better to get bashed by a violent boyfriend than to be seen in public with someone like me.

I wonder if she's still going back for more

Like Jasmine said , I cannot understand this attraction to be beat up in a relationship.

Once again thanks for the great replies girls

[CJ]

Hi all,

Beauty,

Really, I swear, there's absolutely no need to apologize. If anyone should, it's me. You know, I realize a have a chip on my shoulder with this one. It's just that I've seen too many men (and too many crossdressers) say things about women that, if I were a woman, would freak me out and tick me off. But that's just me.

Merinda,

This is what I love about this place. We're all able to talk about these things and share our experiences without fear of, yes, being rejected. I send many hugs, from the Great White North to the Land Down Under.

Darlene,

You're right, of course. When I'm fired up, I sometimes make pompous statements. I guess I was being "spiritual" when I said that. Understanding is crucial... in some contexts. As Einstein once said, "A moment spent in understanding is worth a lifetime spent in awe."

Jassmine,

I've also seen what you describe. But I'll put it to you that it's a two-way street; many men "stick with" women who "damage" them (although perhaps in a different way). "Bad girls," I guess. On either side, there seems to be some form of co-dependency involved. Another argument, maybe, for the necessity of being at ease and emotionally secure within yourself as a condition for healthy relationships.

Love,
CJ

[Loretta Ann]

"A moment spent in understanding is worth a lifetime spent in awe."

CJ. I would just like to say that "There are times when understanding can cause one to spend some time in awe."

And that has been demonstrated here in your reply. There is far too much good in you to let, something like happened here stand in your way.