Please, you do not have to read this!

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Mon Jan 31, 2005 1:46 pm

Am I more or less than I seem to myself?? I try a step back and objectively look at myself - Damnit, I don't see some sociopathic pervert that I think my wife, and her family and now evidently my daughter seem to think I am. Love asks if our SO's accept or reject our CD'ing. For those of you with (and I add a third qualifier) SO's who accept or tolerate CD'ing do you know why they do??? Have you ever ask yourself why does my spouse "put up" with me? Is it because they love you as a human being? Possibly (no offense intended) but they feel they can live with the quirk as they could not do any better?? Are they just living in shock of the fact that their husband likes to dress in woman's clothing? Are they secretly praying that "it" will go away? I can only assume that those of you who have SO's who accept or tolerate this 'gift" that they have done some reading/reasearch or simply accept the primise that you or "it" is not dangerous and they deal with it from a prespective of education /knowledge/study/research?? My wife refuses to learn/read/educate herself about it and refuses to really discuss it and when I point out that her own father, a retired minister use to dress in full feminine "battle dress" every Holloween and my statement ("How many times does it take?" (to be considered a crossdresser) just tends to piss her off!
My new TG friend, - you know the old saying "Truth is stranger than fiction!" I would only venture to say that most of us would not have survived the life long tramma that this young lady has been through. When she told me her story, you would have thought any of us would be crying like a baby, but I was sooooooo shocked/awed/amazed that I still can not get my mind around all of it. So when I related to my inlaws that due to extinuating circumstance for her that I had asked if she wanted to spend Christmas dinner with us and the responses that I got from this "supposedly God-fearing religious pious, holier-than-thou family just blew my mind. You did what? How could you? Are you nuts? Invite "one of those" to dinner? I guess it is a convenience thing huh??? And they wonder why I don't go to church????? You only haul God off the shelf when it is for you convenience huh??!!
I don't think I love my wife any more! Yes I was very involved when she had her illness, brain swelling, surgery and all, yes I cared, I did all the things as would be expected of a loving and caring husband, probably more! and what do I get in response - You could have done more! You did not do what was expected, you don't care!!! for them (my wife and her family) perception is reality but God help their reality - I do not know what planet they were on for this but it was not this one!!!
Well girls I have ranted and rambled and I apologize to anyone who may have read this far. I will conclude with this! I know in my heart of hearts that I am a nice person!! My history proves it, so if in fact my being a crossdresser is the sole cause for the demise of a 28 year marrige then so be it! As I have said and many of you have dealt with this issue too!! I am Virginia and she is me and we are stuck with each other and I love her and she loves me and its "first star to the right and straight on 'till morning!"
God Bless all of you and be gentle to each other!'
Love,
Virgina

Carolynn · Post by **Carolynn** » Mon Jan 31, 2005 2:49 pm

Virginia, YOU ARE A NICE PERSON! YOU HAVE WORTH, DIGNITY AND A RIGHT TO RESPECT!

You need not doubt that. It appears that your family and in-laws lack a basic respect for others that permits individuality and caring for others that are different. Yes, many people use religion as a justification for hate and prejudice, and therefore show their ignorance of basic human values. Forget them!!! Just take good care of YOU, and allow yourself to be "selfish" for yourself. Putting family and others first is the thing that so many of us TG people are so good at, out of guilt or whatever, and that guilt is never far below the surface and easily activated by someone calling you selfish. (I know this first hand, and it has take three months of therapy for me to admit it.) Guilt is often the first weapon in an unbalanced arsenal when you come out to the family. It appears from what you have written that no one in your family will stand with you, but they seem past masters at being selfish for themselves. Remember, do what you must for yourself and Virginia; you deserve better because you are a nice and worthwhile person.

Love, Carolynn

Gelinda · Post by **Gelinda** » Mon Jan 31, 2005 5:32 pm

Virginia:;

I do not know what it is like to lose your wife, I am afraid of what will happen when my wife and I are living in the same house again. But you are good people and caring which is not what your wife is going to miss out a special person.

So do not get a crazy ideas in that head of yours, if you do call me.

Gelinda.

Post by **DonnaT** » Mon Jan 31, 2005 6:22 pm

Virginia

I agree with Carolynn.

You've been a pillar while coping with your wife's illness and intolerance of your CDing.

I know I couldn't hold back from letting my wife see me dressed if she made such a request. And even now with your wife's desire for divorce, you respect her wishes not to see Virginia. I'd be so p****d I'd be dressed at home all the time. Heck, I'd even invite friends over who had seen me dressed, particularly T-girls. I don't know how you do it, but am proud to know you.

You say you don't think you love her any more, but I doubt that, or you wouldn't worry about whether she saw you as Virginia.

I wonder how much influence your in-laws had on her decision. I imagine quite a lot. Did they not like you for some reason other than being a CD?

My in-laws told my soon to be wife that she shouldn't have anything to do with me just because I was Catholic and they were Baptist. Luckily she didn't have much love for her dad and did not listen to them.

And I guess your saving her life because of your concern over the way you found her when the illness had her confused, that counts for nothing with them? Do your wife, daughter and the rest even realize you saved her life?

She's made her choice, and now's the time for you to take care of you.

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Mon Jan 31, 2005 11:45 pm

Virginia,

There is something wrong, "Very wrong" You are asking the right questions hon.

In my opinion they is a skeleton in someone's closet, and it ain't yours. Someone has a secret that you are not aware of.

Being a CDer can get in the way of seeing this, as it causes one to focus on attempting to get the other person to see it from the right perspective. And serves to distract one from looking for other reasons.

It is more than her illness. It has to be with everyone else against you.

I Know 28 years is a long time hon, and there is going to be hurt involved. She is so persistent, so determined. Get out hon. Don't waste any more time. Time spent on trying to fix this is time lost on what ever time you have left for your life from this point on.

There is life after divorce, you will smile again, This to shall pass. you just need to get with it Sweetie.

Wishing you well dear.
Love Darlene.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Wed Feb 02, 2005 11:51 am

You girls are wonderful and your love and concern makes me cry, I wish we all lived in the same area and could actually meet, hug and share.
Moving right along, however. Please understand I do not wish to ask you ladies to be my "shrink" and since I have been to two in the past year and "leveled with them" and was told I am "OK" and I assumed as much, I will only tell you briefly the lates episode.
Last night, Tuesday, my wife decided to go to a job fair held locally at a well-known insurance company. While standing in line she had an attack. an episode, a fainting spell - whatever!!?? Anyway she hit the floor and the ambulance was called and off to the ER she went. Who is the first person she had the hospital call -- could it be me? Why yes!!! Not her mother or her father, her soon to be "EX". Why me I asked ? she had no explanation? She is on extended leave from her job which pays $32,000+ and in this area that is big money! She thinks no one there likes her which is just not true! They miss her and care about her, but she will not accept it for some unknown reason! Now I find out she has told my son and daughter that I have made no plans for them in my will - like she has any idea what I have or plan to do! I told her this morning the same thing that I told my son "Do you hear that whistling sound??" "That is the proverbial 2x4 and it is going to hit you right between the eyes!" It hit him even when I told him he needed to duck - Kids! they just won't listen! Now I have passed this sage advise on to my wife and all she does is become very defensive!
It is my considered opinion that she can not make it on her own and I feel sorry for her about that! I guess that that is my guilt that she can not make it on her own especially with her medical situation and the fact that that 2x4 is gonna crash into her like she can not believe and listen to me??? NO she thinks I am some kind of idiot! I am trying to let it go and we will see what happens. I am not cold and unfeeling, but I am letting it go as best I can and if my situation helps anyone else or I can help any ladies out there with my experience PM me or just post and we will talk!
Love you all for all your love and concern!
Virginia

Dixie Darling · Post by **Dixie Darling** » Wed Feb 02, 2005 1:01 pm

Virginia,

Please email me. Believe me - you're not alone in the situation you have with your wife. I'd like to correspond with you about it, but privately.

Dixie Darling -- senorita_cd@yahoo.com
Web Site -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd