Obsessing

[Kay(SO)]

Hey,

I was talking to someone and thinking and decided that I wanted to ask some CD'rs here a question. Do you feel that there are times when you obsess about dressing? When/If this happens, how soon afterward to you usually dress? Thanks for replying in advance.

Kay(SO)

[DonnaT]

Sure, I'll obsess about it at times, especially if I haven't been able to dress for a spell. I usually relieve the pressure to dress when my son's not home (some mornings when he manages to find work), but usually have to wait until a weekend.

It's not a conscious obsession, just an internal feeling of need that builds over time.

[Beauty]

Hi Kay,

If I oppress my dressing, oh yes I will obsess about it eventually. I've noticed that there are pockets of us who behave the same way. For some when it starts becoming an obsession they decide to dress just to get it over with and they don't dress again for a while.

Another behavior I've noticed with us is when some of us get that obsessive compulsion to dress it will go in looong cycle of dressing everyday and then it falls off completely.

I've seen a group of us who when they suppress dressing the urges become overtly sexual and they dress sexually and relieve themselves and then have guilt and may eventually purge. (I don't feel this is the only reason why people purge)

Others are compelled sexually only with dressing and so I can't speak for that side. Though I feel compelled to admit I thought when I was in my teens and early 20s it was sexual too, but I learned it wasn't after I met my wife (then girlfriend) I used sex as a way to justify my dressing. I can't say that about everyone because I know I'm still evolving and I know I've taken steps further than wearing femme clothing. So my personal opinions about phases is different then lots of CD'rs here. They aren't going to have laser hair removal. They are going to dress only.

My journey isn't over, but it will not end up in SRS. Which is a segue into my final thingy (that I can think of right now) which is those who I've noticed obsess about dressing alot more because in real life they'd really prefer to dress this way always. So the perception it's an obsession is actually misinterpreted because they aren't obsessed they just want to be themselves. For some this means transitioning or living every day as a TG'd person (non-op).

I will look forward to reading this thread with great interest. These are the things I've either noticed or experienced about obssesion with regard to CD'ing. I hope it made sense.

Reminder: Please keep the topics very close to answering Kay's question. If you have a question about something someone else is saying feel free to start a new thread about that or please communicate in PMs.

Beauty

[Virginia]

Wow! actually makes one stop and think about the times I dress and the emotions/feelings that do go along with it. I know when I buy a new piece of clothing or get a new item in the mail, I can hardly wait to try them on and see how they look with various blouses and/or skirts, shoes, boots, etc. I can not, from my perspective, say it is an obsession, it is just Virginia' excitement in wearing new items. I also get the same feelings when I buy new make-up, eye shadow and lip stick to try them and see how Virginia looks as a blonde or brunette and in various outfits. I can't really say it is an obsession. It just feels right and it feels good. Would it be considered an obsession if I bought a new skirt(which I recently did) and was excited about trying it on and things kept coming up that prevented me from trying it? I did not "come unglued" so to speak and it was late evening before things calmed down enough that I was able to try it. I thought about it a lot and how cute it looked on the hanger and I was excited about wearing it, but it was not (to me) an all consuming desire that I would have "chuck everything" just to try on a new skirt..
What Virginia does obsess about it when she is getting ready to go out that she looks her absolute best! That is her obsession, to look as pretty as possible.
So I guess Virginia position is she does not obsess about when she will dress or how often, she does obsess about how she wants to look when she does dress.
Just this girl's position.
Love,
Virginia

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Kay,

I dress every day, but if I did not do that I am sure that it would not be long before it would excessively preoccupy my mind . And anything that does that to me I search for a way to take care of it ASAP. As I don't like having things like that keeping me from being able to focus on the other things in life that are important to me.

Love Darlene.

[Dixie Darling]

Virginia said:

So I guess Virginia position is she does not obsess about when she will dress or how often, she does obsess about how she wants to look when she does dress.

I would guess that that's because Virgina has sufficient opportunities to dress during the week/month. If there IS an obcession for me, it's the opposite of Virginia's. That is to say I obcess about WHEN I'll have the opportunity and how often - THEN the obcession changes to wanting everything to look and feel perfect once the dressing is completed.

Dixie

[Sally]

Hello Kay,

When I was younger and before I 'came out', I certainly did build up inside with anxiety if I couldn't 'dress'. It did indeed go in cycles where the need would abate for a time then build up again to what could only be termed a crescendo, if for some reason for a prolonged period I couldn't 'dress'.

During these times the need would preoccupy my whole being to the extent it would haunt me if I couldn't immediately find the time and place to 'dress'. By dressing I don't mean I would have to present in the complete ensemble, the situation would be relieved simply by being able to wear something such as a skirt and top or a pair of girls jeans and top etc.

This situation was completely relieved when I 'came out' to my wife and family, then later started my transition, even though now I will in all probability never complete my transition, the clothing is secondary to other deeper issues, probably due to the fact I have the freedom to be dressed in female garb of some sort 24/7. What the clothing mainly achieves for me now is that it ameliorates the desire to complete my transition. I mainly dress for comfort and just the fact that the tracky pants and top were intended for a female is enough to make the situation better.

Kind Regards.

Sally.

[Stef]

Hi Kay!

I have found that in times when life presents situations to where I can't dress that the longer I go without being able to express myself the more I obsess about it. On the other hand when I am able to dress whenever I want to my obsession is little to none.

When I am obsessing, it usually manifests itself as me scouring clothing catalogs or looking at online clothing shops for clothing and I usually go on a buying spree the first chance I get so that when I do get the chance to dress again I will have a wide variety of clothes to choose from. Alot of times those purchases end up never getting worn cause they looked much better on me in my mind than in real life. LOL Whereas when I am getting out on a regular basis my purchases are much more practical.

Hugs,
Stef

[Anita]

Hi Kay-
I CDed as a teen, but it was nothing like what it became as an adult. I quit at 17, for 32 years.

When it begin to come back at 49, I had to decide what I would do about it. After 8 months or so, I went out and bought all the clothing and accessories in about a two-week period.

This beginning phase was obsessive! It drove me nuts, and I'm single--I could dress whenever I wanted. But for a month or so, it was just amazing to me that this "woman" was RIGHT THERE, and I'd never seen her before. I dressed and undressed more than I liked.

I started going out almost immediately. For me, going out for long periods of time helped diminish whatever urgency I was feeling. Still, it took about four months for the novelty to wear off.

Now I never feel what I would call "obsession." I'm glad, too, because it has a compulsive feeling to it that I dislike. Knowing that I can go out whenever I need to helps keep that at bay. If I were being restricted in any way, I'm sure I'd start obsessing about it.

It seems like it is a first stage that many of us go through when we start. After that, our paths become different.

[Kay(SO)]

Wow! I have to say that I am overwhelmed by all of the responses I got here and I want to thank all of you. I know for my husband, if he can't dress for awhile he begins to obsess about it (which is the thought process where it runs through his mind over and over again throughout the day or days). The thing that I completely for got about until I saw someone mention it here is all of the things that trigger the obsessive thoughts such as smells, seeing certain women or clothing, etc... then dressing becomes a compulsion for him (the dressing itself to relieve the obsessive thinking). And I can almost here the big sigh of relief when this happens. I was just curious as to how many others this also applied to. Thanks again, you are all angels and I'm grateful. You gals are so wonderful and the responses were thoughtful, articulate and great!

Hugs,

Kay(SO)

[Phylis Anne]

dear kay i have read what some of the other girls have said about obsessive dressing.i for one have been dressein on and off since i can remember.and like a lot of other girls as soon as i bought something i would go home and try it on .today in our more open society i as a cd can go into any dress or lingerie shop and try on any garment to see how it fits .and i do this as either in guy mode or enfemme.i also am buying my clothing as phylis and noy a person who buys something and secretly wears it behind closed doors.since i came out i have been buying my clothing for my femme side and making sure i look good when i go out in public.as i live in new york city this means riding on the subway and every one is looking at you. all my love phylis anne

[CJ]

Hi all,

Interesting question, Kay.

In my case, I wouldn't say I'm obssessed with dressing, despite my owning an extensive female wardrobe and a fairly large collection of shoes (which are more the result of my not having purged in many, many years).

I seldom dress fully en femme (three to five times a year) and I don't even partially dress all that often either. I think there may be several reasons for this, not the least of which is the fact that I have a fairly low sex drive. I'm just not very preoccupied by sexual tension and release (I imagine you'll catch the assumption, here, that I generally associate crossdressing with sexual activity). Of course, this may have a lot to do with the fact that I'm single and, therefore, don't often find myself in sexual situations as much as, say, a married CD. No, not even in "auto-erotic" sexual sitations. Maybe this would all change if I were partnered, I don't know and can't say for sure.

Another reason I don't seem to obssess too much about dressing up has to do with my spiritual inclinations. As far back as my early 20's, I've been in contact with various forms of spirituality, many of which encouraged the "transmutation" of libido into psychological and emotional energy and power. Thus, my true obssession has become the pursuit of knowledge and wisdom; sexuality--even "bridled" sexuality--I often felt was a hindrance to this. Today, I've mellowed a little bit and have come to see sexuality as a positive force for wholeness and spiritual evolution. But old habits die hard.

And, to be absolutely honest, it could be that there's simply a part of me that hasn't yet fully accepted the fact that I am who--and what--I am. I'm constantly searching that part of myself out in an effort to free myself from a lingering "fear of the body." What I figure is this: my sexuality is unusual and occasionally distressing to me; my sexuality expresses itself through my body; if I can manage to somehow "diminish" my relationship to my own body, my "unusualness" and distress will lessen. Hence, I don't obssess about dressing.

But this is all theory based on my own partial and imperfectly accomplished "self-excavation." I need to do much more soul-searching before I can say whether this is truly the case or not.

Still, having said all this, there are times when creativity, introspection (or even wild, adventurous abandon) just don't cut it; I need to reacquaint myself with my sexual side. This is when thoughts of crossdressing intrude. How long after this will it take me to dress? Well, it depends. How long does it take to put on a pair of pantyhose and a silky nightie? Seriously, when I start thinking about dressing up, I'll usually do it within the hour if I'm at home, and that very night if I'm at work. And, yes, such thoughts tend to vanish very soon after I've found some "relief." (This makes me think there's a likelihood that crossdressing is a mild form of obssessive-compulsive disorder, where thoughts of dressing--say, to express a usually repressed femininity--are the obssessions and the act of dressing is the compulsive behaviour that leads to a relief from those obssessions.)

Lately, I've been trying to pinpoint what the triggers are that set me thinking about dressing up. I think they're many but, as with anything else regarding sexual arousal, the conditions and mood and setting and dispositions have to be just right. I've often tried to dress when one of these factors was absent and, well... nothing. Not the slightest increase in heartbeat, let alone blood flow. Of course, there are times when dressing is not sexual, anyway; going out, say, to a restaurant. These are social occasions in which my libido rests on a back burner.

All in all, I'm still a bit of a mystery to myself. But, then, aren't we all?

Love,
CJ

[Beauty]

Hi CJ,

Sorry to interrupt this thread to say this, but OMG! That post was so well written, open and honest. Lots of CD'rs won't say what you just said about their CD'ing "seeming" to revolve or be based heavily around sexuality. Or if they do one second you're getting an education the next second you're reading smut.

I think you did a perfect job at talking about a very adult topic in a very respectable manner.

Beauty

[Kay(SO)]

I couldn't agree with you more Beauty. I was just going to say WOW. I know my husband sort of denies the fact that some of his feelings when it comes to dressing are directly related to sexual gratification. This is one reason I get weirded out at times and feel left out if I'm not a part of it. As most of you know, my hubby goes on little business adventures monthly, to a hotel, with my permission to dress. I trust that he's alone, sitting there playing games on his laptop or watching sports on TV while getting dressed or already dressed. But then my mind wanders off to the sexual part of it and feel a bit bothered. On days when I'm not feeling secure my mind will wander momentarily to the internet on his laptop and who he may be communicating with, or to the fact that since I'm not there he could easily have someone else there, male or female for that matter. Most women wouldn't even begin to have this arrangement with their mate but most of the time I'm okay with it. We have kids here, can't take enough time off to go together, or get rid of them so I have offered him this time to himself. I only feel resentful when I realize that I do not get the same opportunity to get away from the three of them! Sorry for the tangent and going off topic. My point was that CJ, your post was excellent and it obviously managed to provoke even more thought in me. Thanks for sharing part of your soul and spirit with me,

Kay(SO)

[CJ]

Hi all,

Beauty, Kay,

Thanks for the compliments and kind thoughts.

This kind of searching and exploration and exchange is what, to me, the forum is about.

I don't often discuss these things with my friends. Even my partners never really had access to my musings on the subject of who I really am and why I do the things I do (even though, in all other respects, I'm open and honest with them about my CD'ing). I feel the forum is not only a safe place to do so but that some good can actually come from "exposing" myself that way.

Something I'm still trying to work out is the nature of the connection between my sexuality and my need to be seen as female. Someone once told me that all crosdressers are exhibitionists at heart. Well, I tried to refute that until my mascara ran but my behaviour seemed to indicate otherwise. I had to admit she had a point. Why the feeling of "naughtiness" or the undeniable thrill at the risk of being discovered if not for this exhibitionistic streak? I don't know; I'm still working on that one.

As to the "obssession" of dressing, I noticed (and have mentioned elsewhere on this forum) that, since having found this particular outlet (the forum, I mean), my need to dress up has considerably diminished. Maybe my presence and participation on the forum has funneled my emotions and unruly desires through my "intellectualizing" filter (something those close to me often accuse me of doing). That's quite possible. That, and the fact that "Christina" has become "normalized," in a way, through my having fully come out to my friends, colleagues, and family over the past year or so (again, the forum's influence). In other words, yes, obssessions lessen the more I stop repressing who I am and the more I find opportunity to express my true nature (in normal conversations and social exchanges if not in actual outings).

I have to say I find your situation a difficult one, Kay. Being cut off from each other in so essential an aspect of your relationship definitely can't be easy. Admittedly, if your respective sexual desires are somewhat incompatible, I'm hard-pressed to imagine any other course of action than the one you're currently engaged in. Still, it can contribute to each of you feeling alone, even together. If I were you--for your own sanity and peace of mind--I'd try to work out some arrangement with your DH where you could go off on occasion for a day or two and just be with your own soul. "Re-sourcing" ourselves can do a world of good. Your hubby does it; you should have the opportunity to do it as well. Just my two cent's worth, anyway.

Love,
CJ