Okay, I thought I'd take a huge risk here and post something that has been on my mind the past few days. Perhaps no one will be able to respond and if that's the case, that's okay. I'm actually a social worker and have decided to do a study on this topic out in the community (not the TG community) to see what happens but thought I'd put it here first.
How would you feel, were you not crossdressers yourself, if you found (after 20 years, 5 years, before getting married or whatever) that your SO actually had a stash of Armani suits, man work clothes, strap on penis gear, boob binding materials and BVD's, announced that she wasn't going to shave her under arms or legs because it made her more comfortable, and that she wears BVD's under her clothes to work everyday, and that she is indeed a crossdressers? She likes to dress as often as she can, because it relaxes her, she's been doing it in secret since childhood and that she's a heterosexual women who loves having sex with men dressed as a man with all the gear on.
My guess is that most would run for the hills as far and as fast as they could go. And would not be able to just accept her as she is, love her unconditionally and stay by her side and participate in the activities of her dressing. That some would be too embarrassed for the rest of the world, let alone family and friends nor would most attend meetings to support the need to be a man or express the masculine side.
I guess part of what sent me to this zone is that we SO's are so frequently chastised for not being accepting enough. We're told that there's something "wrong" with us if we can't simply accept our loved one for the woman he is. Well, I think if the workboot were on the other foot it would be a whole different story. Would you accept that it's "just clothes"?
It's my guess that there would be no support list group because no man would be supportive enough to create such a group. And if he did, he may find two people in the world to talk to.
We are indeed special ladies. And I believe that our men were put in our lives because we are special. I get angry at times because it seems that some may take us for granted and get caught up in their own mental crap, forgetting what we may be going through by choosing to be a part of their lives. And for once, can this be about US and not THEM. Can the issue of our position be discussed without us having to hear, "well, you have no idea what it's like for us!"
I don't want to provoke argument, I'm just digging for thoughts and information. It seems whenever I try to get information like this, it gets turned into something about how difficult it is for CD'rs. I aknowledge how hard it is and has been all of your lives. With that said. Any input or feedback? I've just been wondering how my own husband would respond if he were to come home from work to find me sitting around the house with boy clothes and parts or how he would feel to "find" these types of things in my closet. He'll only get defensive if I ask him. I hope that's not what happens here.
Kay(SO)
Workboot On The Other Foot
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Kay(SO)
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Beauty
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Hi Kay,
I'm really going to write this and think about my wife during the whole thing. I'm actually re-reading what I typed now and I really got into this being about her only. I honestly can tell you when I wrote what I wrote below I imagined my wife doing these things and I was responding like I just found out.
If she were hiding this from me and I found out all of a sudden, I'd be depressed/hurt because she had been keeping a secret from me. I imagine that would turn to anger the more I found out. If she progressed to a point where she wanted to grow her hair long (on her arms and legs) I guess I'd have to see how I'd feel, but I doubt I'd be jumping up and down. I'd wonder what else she hadn't told me.
I definitely would reach out to others who were going through the same thing for sure. I totally believe you that the support for this would be hard to find.
I wouldn't mind her wearing what ever undies she wanted to wear. I wouldn't mind her taping her breasts, but I would want to know why she was doing this. I would want to know why she took so long to tell me, if she didn't tell me up front.
If she told me she'd been repressing this since childhood I imagine I'd feel sorry for her and that would make me feel like I wanted to comfort her, but I doubt that would eventually be battled by my thoughts of trust. Trust is a big one for me.
Anyone who chastises an SO should really look into themselves more and find out what defense mechanism is kicking off to keep them from doing an introspective look at who they are. It is not natural (in the way we are raised sense) for a man to dress as a woman or a woman to dress like a man (including undies). So how anyone could think, "just get over it" lol.. is kind of mind boggling.
I think I've heard more praise for SOs that I've heard negative comments, but the negative comments are usually way louder and far more defensive and they tend to be remembered more than the supporters. I remember when I was a teenager and gals would go, "Men are this and that." and I'd go, "Well, I'm not." I'd get the, "Yes, but you're different." answer and hug. That made me feel good, but at the same time the gals still dated the same guys they complained about. Guys do the same thing to, but I wasn't a girl. I kind of think it's because the loudest mouth gets listened to the most in these heated exchanges.
I can't say it isn't hard being a CD'r, but I can totally control the urge to bring it up in this post since it's just one thread asking "What would I do if..."
Love did a real live test of this for Halloween and her hubby about freaked. So I think it's fair to say quite a few (not sure if it's the majority) would say, "I'm outta here" I wouldn't though because I'm in love with my wife and that includes who she is on the inside too, but not telling me would definitely damage the part of me that said I love all of her because she kept a huge part of who she was hidden from me. This wasn't fair to me and made me marry her thinking she was something else. Again, trust is big for me, so I don't know what I'd totally do, but I wouldn't run for the hills.
I really can't remove myself from being a CD'r, but I did my best when I answered. I hope you believe me.
Beauty
I'm really going to write this and think about my wife during the whole thing. I'm actually re-reading what I typed now and I really got into this being about her only. I honestly can tell you when I wrote what I wrote below I imagined my wife doing these things and I was responding like I just found out.
If she were hiding this from me and I found out all of a sudden, I'd be depressed/hurt because she had been keeping a secret from me. I imagine that would turn to anger the more I found out. If she progressed to a point where she wanted to grow her hair long (on her arms and legs) I guess I'd have to see how I'd feel, but I doubt I'd be jumping up and down. I'd wonder what else she hadn't told me.
I definitely would reach out to others who were going through the same thing for sure. I totally believe you that the support for this would be hard to find.
I wouldn't mind her wearing what ever undies she wanted to wear. I wouldn't mind her taping her breasts, but I would want to know why she was doing this. I would want to know why she took so long to tell me, if she didn't tell me up front.
If she told me she'd been repressing this since childhood I imagine I'd feel sorry for her and that would make me feel like I wanted to comfort her, but I doubt that would eventually be battled by my thoughts of trust. Trust is a big one for me.
Anyone who chastises an SO should really look into themselves more and find out what defense mechanism is kicking off to keep them from doing an introspective look at who they are. It is not natural (in the way we are raised sense) for a man to dress as a woman or a woman to dress like a man (including undies). So how anyone could think, "just get over it" lol.. is kind of mind boggling.
I think I've heard more praise for SOs that I've heard negative comments, but the negative comments are usually way louder and far more defensive and they tend to be remembered more than the supporters. I remember when I was a teenager and gals would go, "Men are this and that." and I'd go, "Well, I'm not." I'd get the, "Yes, but you're different." answer and hug. That made me feel good, but at the same time the gals still dated the same guys they complained about. Guys do the same thing to, but I wasn't a girl.
I kind of think it's because the loudest mouth gets listened to the most in these heated exchanges.I can't say it isn't hard being a CD'r, but I can totally control the urge to bring it up in this post since it's just one thread asking "What would I do if..."
Love did a real live test of this for Halloween and her hubby about freaked.
So I think it's fair to say quite a few (not sure if it's the majority) would say, "I'm outta here" I wouldn't though because I'm in love with my wife and that includes who she is on the inside too, but not telling me would definitely damage the part of me that said I love all of her because she kept a huge part of who she was hidden from me. This wasn't fair to me and made me marry her thinking she was something else. Again, trust is big for me, so I don't know what I'd totally do, but I wouldn't run for the hills.I really can't remove myself from being a CD'r, but I did my best when I answered. I hope you believe me.
Beauty
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DonnaT
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I "think" I'm open minded enough to accept it, but being CD so long I can't really be sure can I. However, I'm pretty liberal. for example, I see nothing wrong with same sex couples or same sex marriage.
I probably would have been shocked, but I didn't fall in love with my wife based on looks or femininity, and just can't imagine life without her.
Would I have put 'limitations' on her dressing like she has me? Probably, but I would be open minded enough to not restrict something she felt she really needed to do.
And of course, I'd be with her where ever she wanted to go enhomme, especially to protect her.
I probably would have been shocked, but I didn't fall in love with my wife based on looks or femininity, and just can't imagine life without her.
Would I have put 'limitations' on her dressing like she has me? Probably, but I would be open minded enough to not restrict something she felt she really needed to do.
And of course, I'd be with her where ever she wanted to go enhomme, especially to protect her.
DonnaT
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Loretta Ann
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Hi Kay,
Bravo to you for posting this. I can not do your post justice being that I am a cross-dresser, and like it or not that influences the way I think about this.
What I can tell you is that I do not go the full nine yards with my cross-dressing. That is I don't go into the make up part of it other than occasionally some lipstick, and often a wig. So I would have a very difficult time if a wife of mine were to want to have a beard.
I would not have a problem with the trust issue (again given my own circumstances) I can understand way one would keep such a thing private. In fact that is one of the blessing my situation has provided for me. It has taught me that only in a perfect world would we be able to be honest about everything. So I have had to learn not to expect it from others. And with that wall being removed I have way more friends of my choosing than ever was possible before.
For me loving another as they are needs to include the fact that we are less than perfect in all areas. When I discover that someone has not told me the truth (which happens quite frequently). What I focus on is where do we go from here, as opposed to attempting to right a wrong, that is in the past and can not be changed.
I believe most people will be honest with you once the obstacles are removed, and there are situations where an SO is unable to remove all of them, as some (of the obstacles) survive as a result of the lies one believes.
However the part of your post that I want to high light is:
Both SOs and Cders have this extra load (if you will) for a special reason. We have a rich destiny that includes this thing that has burdened our lives. It is only as we become able to stop fighting with our maker (whoever was/is responsible for us being as we are) that we will be able to make recognizable progress towards that end.
There is a reason why you girls chose to marry the person yon you did. after all he is different than most other men. There was/is something within you that influenced your decision to marry him.
Being special does not necessarily mean it will be easy, there is a price to pay for that privilege. And not all of us are willing to pay that price, that is required in order to reach our goal.
Kay you have great insight. Blessings to you woman.
Love Darlene.
Bravo to you for posting this. I can not do your post justice being that I am a cross-dresser, and like it or not that influences the way I think about this.
What I can tell you is that I do not go the full nine yards with my cross-dressing. That is I don't go into the make up part of it other than occasionally some lipstick, and often a wig. So I would have a very difficult time if a wife of mine were to want to have a beard.
I would not have a problem with the trust issue (again given my own circumstances) I can understand way one would keep such a thing private. In fact that is one of the blessing my situation has provided for me. It has taught me that only in a perfect world would we be able to be honest about everything. So I have had to learn not to expect it from others. And with that wall being removed I have way more friends of my choosing than ever was possible before.
For me loving another as they are needs to include the fact that we are less than perfect in all areas. When I discover that someone has not told me the truth (which happens quite frequently). What I focus on is where do we go from here, as opposed to attempting to right a wrong, that is in the past and can not be changed.
I believe most people will be honest with you once the obstacles are removed, and there are situations where an SO is unable to remove all of them, as some (of the obstacles) survive as a result of the lies one believes.
However the part of your post that I want to high light is:
That is one healthy out look, and correct in my opinion. and that is what you have in common with the rest of us here.We are indeed special ladies. And I believe that our men were put in our lives because we are special.
Both SOs and Cders have this extra load (if you will) for a special reason. We have a rich destiny that includes this thing that has burdened our lives. It is only as we become able to stop fighting with our maker (whoever was/is responsible for us being as we are) that we will be able to make recognizable progress towards that end.
There is a reason why you girls chose to marry the person yon you did. after all he is different than most other men. There was/is something within you that influenced your decision to marry him.
Being special does not necessarily mean it will be easy, there is a price to pay for that privilege. And not all of us are willing to pay that price, that is required in order to reach our goal.
Kay you have great insight. Blessings to you woman.
Love Darlene.
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Absaroka
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I think that this is an excellent topic.
I can't possibly improve on the replies already here.
I do want to say that I agree almost totally with Beauty on everything she said.
The fact is also that although women don't seem to like to crossdress a whole lot (although I do know one who prefers mens underwear) there ae other ways to change "the rules" that sometimes men are subjected to. When i think of a good example I will be sure to post it..........
Thanks for your topic
Andrea
I can't possibly improve on the replies already here.
I do want to say that I agree almost totally with Beauty on everything she said.
The fact is also that although women don't seem to like to crossdress a whole lot (although I do know one who prefers mens underwear) there ae other ways to change "the rules" that sometimes men are subjected to. When i think of a good example I will be sure to post it..........
Thanks for your topic
Andrea
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
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CJ
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Hi all,
Hmmm... that's a tough one, Kay.
As Darlene said, our actually being CD's will certainly colour our thinking on this. But I'll try, anyway.
Although I consider myself and open, loving, and tolerant person, I have to admit that I can't tell for sure whether or not I'd succumb to the NIMBY syndrome, if this cropped up and hit so close to home. I'm sure that, at first, I would freak out. Totally. Especially if she announced this after x number of years into our marriage or relationship. But, then, eventually, being who I am, I believe I'd become intensely curious. I'd want to find out why she feels the need to do this. Not so much because I'd be trying to tame my own demons regarding her desires but more because I wouldn't pass up this opportunity to know more about this person whom I love and share my life with. I'd get informed (assuming there was anything actually out there about this). Of course, as time went on and it became clearer to me just how much this is a part of her, I think I'd probably feel hurt that she felt she couldn't trust me enough to share this with me long before she actually did. Although not particularly paranoid, I guess I also couldn't help but wonder what else is going on with her that I don't know about. Probably, I'd feel not a little bit insecure. For one thing, I doubt I'd let a "phallic toy" anywhere within 10 feet of me.
Really, I'm not sure what would happen in the long run. I guess I'd feel queasy about our future together. I don't want to be partnered to a man; I want to be partnered to a woman. I wouldn't exclude the possibility of our still living together in a more or less Platonic fashion, though--as friends, more than as lovers. Of course, this implies that I could do without having my sexual needs met in the context of this relationship. This, too, is something I'm not sure I'd be able to do. One thing I would do, for certain, is to make absolutely damn sure that our communications channels were as wide open as can possibly be. All in all, my "rating" of our marriage or relationship would probably go down a notch or two (or six or seven, if she actually started taking androgen or testosterone).
Hmmm... Not a pretty picture. Is this what you're going through?
CJ
Hmmm... that's a tough one, Kay.
As Darlene said, our actually being CD's will certainly colour our thinking on this. But I'll try, anyway.
Although I consider myself and open, loving, and tolerant person, I have to admit that I can't tell for sure whether or not I'd succumb to the NIMBY syndrome, if this cropped up and hit so close to home. I'm sure that, at first, I would freak out. Totally. Especially if she announced this after x number of years into our marriage or relationship. But, then, eventually, being who I am, I believe I'd become intensely curious. I'd want to find out why she feels the need to do this. Not so much because I'd be trying to tame my own demons regarding her desires but more because I wouldn't pass up this opportunity to know more about this person whom I love and share my life with. I'd get informed (assuming there was anything actually out there about this). Of course, as time went on and it became clearer to me just how much this is a part of her, I think I'd probably feel hurt that she felt she couldn't trust me enough to share this with me long before she actually did. Although not particularly paranoid, I guess I also couldn't help but wonder what else is going on with her that I don't know about. Probably, I'd feel not a little bit insecure. For one thing, I doubt I'd let a "phallic toy" anywhere within 10 feet of me.
Really, I'm not sure what would happen in the long run. I guess I'd feel queasy about our future together. I don't want to be partnered to a man; I want to be partnered to a woman. I wouldn't exclude the possibility of our still living together in a more or less Platonic fashion, though--as friends, more than as lovers. Of course, this implies that I could do without having my sexual needs met in the context of this relationship. This, too, is something I'm not sure I'd be able to do. One thing I would do, for certain, is to make absolutely damn sure that our communications channels were as wide open as can possibly be. All in all, my "rating" of our marriage or relationship would probably go down a notch or two (or six or seven, if she actually started taking androgen or testosterone).
Hmmm...
Not a pretty picture. Is this what you're going through?CJ
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Kay(SO)
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Fabulous replies! This is so wonderful. I just got on my computer this morning and woke up to all of these thoughtful, wonderful replies to a difficult question. I do realize that it's a difficult one to answer, especially since being CD'rs it would affect your thought process but the point is that you TRIED to think about it and did a great job at that!
CJ, no it's not's what I'm going through. It's just the way I am and the way my brain works. Sometimes I get into these really weird complex modes and start thinking about the strangest things. It's partly the social worker in me and partly just me. I need to ask the hard questions and take risks in order to learn more about others and myself.
A applaud
you all for stepping up to the plate and doing a fine job. I'm going to try to save all of your answers to re-read later.
The only thing going on here is our difficulty communicating about many things but we're working on it. We've been talking alot and telling each other what we want and need and it's getting better. Thanks again to all!
Kay(SO)
CJ, no it's not's what I'm going through. It's just the way I am and the way my brain works. Sometimes I get into these really weird complex modes and start thinking about the strangest things. It's partly the social worker in me and partly just me. I need to ask the hard questions and take risks in order to learn more about others and myself.
A applaud
you all for stepping up to the plate and doing a fine job. I'm going to try to save all of your answers to re-read later. The only thing going on here is our difficulty communicating about many things but we're working on it. We've been talking alot and telling each other what we want and need and it's getting better. Thanks again to all!
Kay(SO)
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Aeryn
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Re: Workboot On The Other Foot
Kay(SO) wrote:Okay, I thought I'd take a huge risk here and post something that has been on my mind the past few days. Perhaps no one will be able to respond and if that's the case, that's okay. I'm actually a social worker and have decided to do a study on this topic out in the community (not the TG community) to see what happens but thought I'd put it here first. Kay(SO)
Kay,
Being a fellow social worker I have to ask the following questions about your proposed research:
What is the purpose of your study? What do you hope to advance through this study?
How are you choosing subjects and what kind of sample size are you shooting for?
Based on the topic, I assume the study is qualitative and not quantitative. How are you collecting your data? Questionnaire? Interview? Both?
Are you intending to get the study published? I'd love to read it.
aeryn
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Carolynn
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Hi Kay!!
Fantastic topic, and the kind of questions I have felt need to be asked to open up communication between CDr and SO. CDs need to think about the shoe on the other foot, and what their reactions would be in order to have some understanding of the reactions their bombshell demands give their SO. I have always suspected that the majority would be on the side of running away.
Hope I'm wrong.
Do you think it would be bad for couples with a CDing issue to try a "swap week", in role as well as dress? Not sure quite how it could work (maybe a vacation or something), but would it not be interesting? Or how about going to the cd and gay friendly clubs as a couple for a few months, both enhomme? It might not really work, as the SO would not feel the compulsion of the CD to dress, but it might open a few eyes to the stresses involved. And, maybe the SO would get a good idea of the insecurities their SO feels stepping out as their alter egos.
And of course, that still doesn't really address the question of a wife or GF being a F2M CDr and getting support from a husband as the M2F CDr seems to expect from his spouse. I know of no one in the former situation. I do know 7 people who are F2M TS. Five of these have been married, have 2 or more kids, tried their everlovin' best to be good little girls after being "tomboys", choked on it every day of their lives, and are now divorced and some far along the road to transition while others are just starting. From the time they told their hubbies, there was no, none, nunga, zero, zip support or understanding for them from the hubby or his family, and only partial support from their own parents. Yet many M2Fs have expected that support from their wives, and been terribly hurt when it was not forthcoming.
Incidently, that boy-juice is frightening stuff. I have known two of the younger F2M TS' for 6 months. Both have been on tetosterone for 7 weeks. In that short span, I observed the following effects as of last Monday night: Voices deeper; more agressive in vocal expression; attitudes more ridged (more quick to argue and their attitudes solidify around their percieved point); one is more possessive of a GF that has been with him for a year, and they are having some adjustment troubles because he is not communicating with her with the freedom he did prior to testosterone. The older ones (on the juice longer) seem more male than I have ever been, and I had to practice at it harder and still don't know why males do half the crap they do.
Fantastic topic, and the kind of questions I have felt need to be asked to open up communication between CDr and SO. CDs need to think about the shoe on the other foot, and what their reactions would be in order to have some understanding of the reactions their bombshell demands give their SO. I have always suspected that the majority would be on the side of running away.
Hope I'm wrong. Do you think it would be bad for couples with a CDing issue to try a "swap week", in role as well as dress? Not sure quite how it could work (maybe a vacation or something), but would it not be interesting?
Or how about going to the cd and gay friendly clubs as a couple for a few months, both enhomme? It might not really work, as the SO would not feel the compulsion of the CD to dress, but it might open a few eyes to the stresses involved. And, maybe the SO would get a good idea of the insecurities their SO feels stepping out as their alter egos.And of course, that still doesn't really address the question of a wife or GF being a F2M CDr and getting support from a husband as the M2F CDr seems to expect from his spouse. I know of no one in the former situation. I do know 7 people who are F2M TS. Five of these have been married, have 2 or more kids, tried their everlovin' best to be good little girls after being "tomboys", choked on it every day of their lives, and are now divorced and some far along the road to transition while others are just starting. From the time they told their hubbies, there was no, none, nunga, zero, zip support or understanding for them from the hubby or his family, and only partial support from their own parents. Yet many M2Fs have expected that support from their wives, and been terribly hurt when it was not forthcoming.
Incidently, that boy-juice is frightening stuff. I have known two of the younger F2M TS' for 6 months. Both have been on tetosterone for 7 weeks. In that short span, I observed the following effects as of last Monday night: Voices deeper; more agressive in vocal expression; attitudes more ridged (more quick to argue and their attitudes solidify around their percieved point); one is more possessive of a GF that has been with him for a year, and they are having some adjustment troubles because he is not communicating with her with the freedom he did prior to testosterone. The older ones (on the juice longer) seem more male than I have ever been, and I had to practice at it harder and still don't know why males do half the crap they do.
"It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
David Weber – In Fury Born
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Georgia(SO)
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workboot on other foot
Hi. I'm Georgia(so) and just sorta poking around in these forums on my first day. Interesting thread. But I'm really curious - had none of the CDs thought about this before Kay asked the question? Each of the answers were so carefully thought out, that it sounds as if this was the first time it had ever occured to them to walk that mile in their SOs shoes.
-g
-g
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Loretta Ann
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Shannon
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Re: Workboot On The Other Foot
Well Kay, I for one would be TOTALLY THRILLED if that happened......Kay(SO) wrote:How would you feel, were you not crossdressers yourself, if you found (after 20 years, 5 years, before getting married or whatever) that your SO actually had a stash of Armani suits, man work clothes, strap on penis gear, boob binding materials and BVD's, announced that she wasn't going to shave her under arms or legs because it made her more comfortable, and that she wears BVD's under her clothes to work everyday, and that she is indeed a crossdressers? She likes to dress as often as she can, because it relaxes her, she's been doing it in secret since childhood and that she's a heterosexual women who loves having sex with men dressed as a man with all the gear on.
And dispited this comment of yours...
Kay(SO) wrote:I get angry at times because it seems that some may take us for granted and get caught up in their own mental crap, forgetting what we may be going through by choosing to be a part of their lives. And for once, can this be about US and not THEM. Can the issue of our position be discussed without us having to hear, "well, you have no idea what it's like for us!"
I will dare to say the reason....
Cause then maybe my wife could feel the
shame, reqret, fear and embrasesment that I feel EVERYDAY for doing what I have done.....
And hopefully I could feel what she is experiencing....
Sorry if I violated your "can this be about US and not THEM" rule... not my intention.
Shannon
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Virginia
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- Location: Strange Magic Hill
I will try to be brief. First since most here know my domestic situation, my SO does not have a "male bone in her body." She is the most feminine female I have ever know - which attributes to our situation, but that aside.
Please indulge me, an article in today's Sunday paper by Maureen Dowd references some research that has come to light, that women are so much more complex than us lowly males (not from the article) but like the difference between an ox cart and the Space Shuttle. We are worlds apart, given that and a lot of you on this forum have read and some scoffed at my premise that we/crossdressers may be the next phase in human evolution, and that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." A true (and I beg my sisters here not to take exception to this) a true crossdresser seems to more likely identify with our female travelers on this "trip around the sun." We tend to be able to see/ feel/ emphatize more than our non-cd brethren. Jeff Foxworthy pretty much sums it up about men being simply creatures, "All we want is a beer and to see something naked."
Now how does all that affect your premise of a FtoM spouse? Well it would, in my humble opinion, be easier for a male crossdresser to accept than your "standard issue, hardleg!"
BUT if pressed, I think I would have trouble dealing with it!! To what extent, difficult to say. My initial response would be setting limitations on her until we worked out the details. Would I react the way my spouse has NO WAY! Humans are such intricate creatures, we all have our own story to tell, our own crosses to bear and we have a responsibility to our "fellow travelers" on this veil of tears to make their journey better if we can!
Just one struggling girl's opinion,
Love ya,
Virginia
Please indulge me, an article in today's Sunday paper by Maureen Dowd references some research that has come to light, that women are so much more complex than us lowly males (not from the article) but like the difference between an ox cart and the Space Shuttle. We are worlds apart, given that and a lot of you on this forum have read and some scoffed at my premise that we/crossdressers may be the next phase in human evolution, and that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." A true (and I beg my sisters here not to take exception to this) a true crossdresser seems to more likely identify with our female travelers on this "trip around the sun." We tend to be able to see/ feel/ emphatize more than our non-cd brethren. Jeff Foxworthy pretty much sums it up about men being simply creatures, "All we want is a beer and to see something naked."
Now how does all that affect your premise of a FtoM spouse? Well it would, in my humble opinion, be easier for a male crossdresser to accept than your "standard issue, hardleg!"
BUT if pressed, I think I would have trouble dealing with it!! To what extent, difficult to say. My initial response would be setting limitations on her until we worked out the details. Would I react the way my spouse has NO WAY! Humans are such intricate creatures, we all have our own story to tell, our own crosses to bear and we have a responsibility to our "fellow travelers" on this veil of tears to make their journey better if we can!
Just one struggling girl's opinion,
Love ya,
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Kay(SO)
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- Posts: 294
- Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2003 9:03 am
- Location: North Carolina
Aeryn,
Sorry it took so long to adknowledge this post! Somehow it slipped by me. I'll try to answer some of the questions you posed. I plan to use the study in a book I'm writing about the different perceptions CD'rs and their SO's have in an effort for both to gain a better understanding of each other and their positions/perspectives. I will probably have an intern do the research at NC State or UNC for me since I do not have nearly the time. Plus, it's the one things I've always hated (research). I havent' yet decided on the sample size but the candidates will be heterosexual, non-cding, married males between the ages of 25-65. They will be interviewed and there will be a questionnaire. Do you have any thoughts on the number we should use? Anyway, thanks for the interest. I'll keep you posted.
Kay(SO)
Sorry it took so long to adknowledge this post! Somehow it slipped by me. I'll try to answer some of the questions you posed. I plan to use the study in a book I'm writing about the different perceptions CD'rs and their SO's have in an effort for both to gain a better understanding of each other and their positions/perspectives. I will probably have an intern do the research at NC State or UNC for me since I do not have nearly the time. Plus, it's the one things I've always hated (research). I havent' yet decided on the sample size but the candidates will be heterosexual, non-cding, married males between the ages of 25-65. They will be interviewed and there will be a questionnaire. Do you have any thoughts on the number we should use? Anyway, thanks for the interest. I'll keep you posted.
Kay(SO)