Hi, glad to find this forum

Carol B · Post by **Carol B** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 6:46 pm

I'm Carol and so glad to find this site. I was tracking another rather popular site, but trolls are rampant. Humans on the web need to moderated. Everything here seems warm and comfy and I need that now.

My wife found out about Carol about 10 years ago and we went through the usual. I tried to suppress it, but as we all know, it can't be that way. She (Carol) was discovered anew two years ago and the fireweorks flew again.

She is now trying to be understanding, but its a rough road. I try to tell her how I feel and she won't buy in to what I tell her.

I'm like many here. I don't even fully understand "why". How can I explain it to someone else who is even more confused?. She has done some research but has a very "black and white" view of things. It is apparent to most here that there are many places in between an occasional CD and a TS. Transgenderism is too complex for her right now. She recently asked if I was a TV or a TS and as I started to say neither (I consider myself CD), the conversation fell apart.

I hope to be able to talk to her more about it under the right conditions. We have a child together and due to my work situation, we live apart on the week days. Its a very rough situation.

It has been comforting reading the forum and seeing things about myself in so many posts. Thank you for being here.

Hugs,
Carol

Post by **DonnaT** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 7:21 pm

Welcome to the forum Carol. Maybe you can talk your wife into joining too. There is a special section for SO's here which is hidden from our view.

Dar · Post by **Dar** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 1:17 am

Carol,

There are some things that are tough to explain. As Donna said try to have your SO join and read the posts, she may find her own answers to her questions.

Carol B · Post by **Carol B** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 6:12 am

I've considered pointing her to this forum and the SO areas. I feel that she would head right for the CD section and freak out at the level of detail discussed.

Even the site Donna recommends, something as simple as CDs being referred to as "sisters" could upset her greatly right now.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 8:12 pm

HI Carol,
It isn't easy being is it?? I can only speak for myself, but I know several of my sisters here experience the same thing. We - WE are responsible for our own happiness! Me = Virginia = my happiness! I like me, I like Virginia, she = me makes me happy. I let "her" express herself whether or not I am dressed. The "gift" that I have and share with those I come in contact with makes me happy. It is a path that you have to seek out and some never find it, some find it and are afraid to take it and some continue on this "Magical Mystery Tour." I can not advise you on how to deal with your wife on this. You can get lots of GREAT suggestions here, but ultimately the decision will be yours/Carol's to make as to how important Carol is to you!
God Speed!
Virginia

Carol B · Post by **Carol B** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 8:28 pm

Virginia wrote:

I let "her" express herself whether or not I am dressed.

Its so true, I can not control it. Once at my job a woman that I work closely with said "You're such a girl!" to me. I forget the exact circumstance, but I could not believe she said it!

It felt really good and I could not discuss that one any further with her.

And YES Carol is very important to me.

Hugs,

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 8:33 pm

Hi Carol,

Bravo in trusting your SO with your secret identity.

It takes a very strong person to trust like you did, even if it takes a while.

Gracie

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Wed Sep 28, 2005 1:48 am

Hi Carol--
I was happy to hear that your femme self is important to you. It reminded me of how important mine is to me. I have lived an interesting life, but there was a middle-age depression starting to settle in, as a guy. Then I discovered I had a part of me that loved to dress up and go out, and the mid-life crisis that was starting disappeared. Not that I have no problems as a TG woman, but they're challenges--they aren't reasons to get depressed.

I have a CD friend in Martinsville, NJ, that I have visited a few times. We always go into New York for an evening when I'm there.

Darla · Post by **Darla** » Fri Sep 30, 2005 8:14 am

Welcome Carol.

Kyra · Post by **Kyra** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 4:56 pm

Hi Carol,
Welcome to the forum.

If I may be so bold, I would like to ask your SO join our ranks. I think (my opinion) she would gain much from the other GG's here. True, she might look at what we talk about and such, but the SO section is totally private. They can discuss whatever they want without retribution. It may help. Another thing you might try is professional counselling. I don't know what your situation is, but there are counsellors who may help. Just make sure you find one that has experience with Transgendered people, if you go that route.
In any case, you'll find total support from the people of this forum. We're like a big family here. There's lots to read, so take your time and don't be afraid to ask questions. Chances are, there's someone here who has experienced what you're dealing with. Everyone walks a different path in life, but I'll bet many of our members are familiar with the road you're on.

Glad to have you here.
Hugs,
Kyra

Carol B · Post by **Carol B** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 10:30 pm

Thank you All for the welcomes.

And thanks for the advice Kyra. When the time is right, I may point her here. I tried counseling at the SO'd insistance. We (the counselor and myself) had a good laugh over my wife's proclamation of "You need help because I can't take it anymore!" The SO refuses to part take in a joint session. I feel fine about Carol and all. I don't think I need that kind of help. No one is talking me out of it, which is what the SO would like to happen.

She (SO) has mellowed about it more recently and is almost at acceptance of the fact but not of the actions.

I enjoy the readings here and the warm comfies abound! The admins are great!

Thanks again to all.

Kristen · Post by **Kristen** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 11:23 pm

Carol, Welcome to the forum, Sorry to hear your wife is seeing so black and white. Wish I could give you some magic words to tell her. Listening is very difficult to master. Doesn't sound like she wants to hear.
I hope the best comes from being here, for all three of you. Take it one day at time, slow steading steps. Welcome,Welcome Weclome......Kristen