Hello from a Newbie

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Sat Nov 05, 2005 9:51 pm

First, I want to thank Zippy who introduced me to the Forum!

Well, what to say? I'm a gw who is married to a much older man (68 to my 43), and I have a couple of friends who are cd - Zippy and 'DB' as I'll refer to her here. When I met my friends, I knew they were cd's, and I'm very comfortable with that.

I joined the forum to help educate myself so that I may understand the needs and desires of cd's which will, ultimately, help me to be a better friend. I've been reading as many articles as possible from the Rainbow Trail and Tri-Ess (thanks again to Zippy for pointing me in that direction!).

As a gw, if I can be of help to any cd - please let me know - I'll always give you an honest answer or opinion. Thank you for allowing me to join this forum!

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sat Nov 05, 2005 11:32 pm

Welcome and we always look forward to having SO's = signinficant others =GG's = genetic girls. If I read your post correctly! You can provide us with a wealth of information. I always look forward to reading what the "fairer" sex has to say!
We look forward to your participation.
Virginia

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Sun Nov 06, 2005 12:34 am

Thank you for the welcome, Virginia, and the correction to my being 'gg'! But I do want to further clarify that my dh is not cd: he's a straight-laced Christian conservative and objects to 'alternative lifestyles'. He believes that being cd = being gay, which is further perpetuated by the Church, out of total ignorance and their unwillingness to educate themselves.

Some of my friends are cd, and although dh has yet to meet them, he knows of them by their male and female first names, but he doesn't know that "male a" and "female a" are one and the same, etc. Why haven't I told him? Easy - if/when dh ever does meet my friends (they both live in other states, not near us), in either male or female dress, I don't want him to do so with any prejudices already in place. DH already accepts them as my friends, in their respective male or female roles - - I would like him to accept them as his friends, also, in those same roles. Does that make sense? I hope so!

I always look forward to reading what the "fairer" sex has to say!

Thank you :: - I do believe that's the first time I've ever been called 'fairer'! However, I think this is actually a win-win situation - I'm looking forward to reading what *you* have to say, as well!

Post by **DonnaT** » Sun Nov 06, 2005 8:41 am

Hello Silverlady, -Wel- to the forum.

Glad to know you are acceptiong of CDs and wanting to learn more. There are a number of interesting links in the Links section, such as http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd/, among others.

Feel free to ask anything or add your opinions as well.

KathyB · Post by **KathyB** » Sun Nov 06, 2005 4:21 pm

So glad you made it!!

I think you'll find a lot of wonderful people here. CD, TS, TG, GG, it doesn't really matter. I believe the best thing about this forum is that everyone wants and trys to understand and support each other, and know how to politely disagree when it becomes necessary. I don't think you'll find that anywhere else.

Stephanie W · Post by **Stephanie W** » Sun Nov 06, 2005 9:10 pm

Silverlady

Hi and a big welcome to the forum. Hope you enjoy yourself here which I'm sure you will.

So DH doesn't know that male 'A' is also female 'A'? Wow, I'd love to see the look on his face if/when he ever finds out. The down side of course is seeing your number of friends diminish by 50% in one fell swoop.

Seriously, I'm sure you'll find a wealth of information here, as well as many folks ready and willing to help you find answers to any questions you may have. Enjoy yourself and look forward to hearing more from you.

Stephanie

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Mon Nov 07, 2005 1:05 am

DonnaT, Zippy, and Stephanie W - - Thank you for the warm welcomes - and thanks again to Zippy for introducing me to this wonderful forum!

Stephanie W - - Well, you're not the only one who would love to see the look on the dh's face <vbg>!

Seriously, though, if the number of my friends diminish by 50% in one fell swoop, as you surmised - then I suppose they really weren't 'true friends' to begin with, right? To me, being a true friend means being there for the other person - through thick and thin, rich and poor, good times and bad - whether or not you personally agree/disagree with that friend, but still respecting that friend enough to stand beside him/her and supporting him/her no matter what happens.

If they are only 'fair weather' friends - then they're not true friends, and in that case, I'd rather not be associated with them. If you keep surrounding yourself with negative people, then eventually you become negative yourself. Please note that I'm saying 'you' in a general sense now, and I'm not referring to anyone specifically.

I look forward to meeting and making new friends through this forum, learning as much as I can, and helping in any way that I am able.

Stephanie W · Post by **Stephanie W** » Mon Nov 07, 2005 5:57 pm

Silverlady

You're right what you said about fairweather friends. However, what I actually meant was given that your dh doesn't know your male friends are also your female (cd) friends he's assuming they are different people. So, as far as he's concerned, if you had three male friends and three female (cd) friends, he would know you have six friends. Then....once he knows each male friend is actually also one of your cd friends, all of a sudden you don't have six friends anymore, but three. (50% loss) Makes sense?

Stephanie

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Mon Nov 07, 2005 9:42 pm

Stephanie W - -

Yes, what you said makes sense, and you're right.

I just wasn't thinking of what you said in those terms!

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Sat Nov 12, 2005 1:05 am

Hi silverlady!

Welcome to the forum, sweetie! I know that both you & your husband will enjoy this place.

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Sat Nov 12, 2005 1:24 am

Lorna - Thank you for the welcome, and I'm already enjoying myself here! I've met some wonderful ladies, and I'm meeting more every day - yourself included.

But I do want to further clarify that my dh is not cd: he's a straight-laced Christian conservative and objects to 'alternative lifestyles'. He believes that being cd = being gay, which is further perpetuated by the Church, out of total ignorance and their unwillingness to educate themselves.

So, sadly, I will be the only one enjoying this wonderful forum. I have commented to him and our friends this past week, in passing, that some of my friends were either gay or crossdressers, and all he could do was stare at me - I really shocked him! He has yet to follow up with specific questions as to 'who' those friends are - and I still will refuse to tell him, for the reasons identified in my 11-05-2005 post above.

Oh, well. Life's just way too short to worry about those people whose beliefs and attitudes will never change.

Thank you, again, for the welcome, Lorna - I'm very happy to be here!

Stephanie W · Post by **Stephanie W** » Sat Nov 12, 2005 1:21 pm

SL

I have commented to him and our friends this past week, in passing, that some of my friends were either gay or crossdressers, and all he could do was stare at me - I really shocked him!

That quote tells me of your yearning to have your dh understand your friends, or at the very least, be less judgmental. I hope his curiousity is peaked enough to ask questions for the right reasons. However, judging from what you have told us about him thusfar, his questions will likely be rooted more in satisfying himself that these 'weird' friends of yours haven't invaded his personal space (i.e home), rather than as a genuine desire to understand. Never say never though.

Stephanie

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Sat Nov 12, 2005 9:30 pm

Hi, Stephanie!

Let me give some background to this comment: The subject came up when 2 male friends of ours were telling us that when they were at WalMart earlier in the day, the cashier thought they were gay (they're not) because of the way they were acting - - and they were acting gay. One of the friends said the other should have gone dressed in drag - - and that's when I said that being a cd did not equal being gay. When they all turned their attention to me as I said this, I went on to say that some of my friends were either gay or cd - - hoping to elicit additional comments from them. All my dh and our friends did was to stare at me - - no further comments were made, and they abruptly changed the topic. ::Hmpf::

My first thought was that I wanted to educate all of them of their erroneous beliefs that being a cd did not equal being gay; one of those friends is a Dr. - he should know better ::sigh::.

My second thought was that I wanted all of them, dh included, to be less judgmental of people. The dh has yet to question me about my gay or cd friends. You're right, though, any questions he has will not be with any desire, genuine or not, to understand. He is what he is - and he'll never change. In order for anyone to 'change' they have to truly desire and understand exactly why they are changing, and know that it will - in some manner - affect them for the rest of their lives. The dh is not willing to risk that. ::deep sigh::

Ahem, Stephanie - - just 'who' are you calling weird? I do not have any weird friends; friends with different lifestyles - yes, weird - absolutely not!

All that I have met here are friends, and I am very happy making new friends here at the forum!

Stephanie W · Post by **Stephanie W** » Sun Nov 13, 2005 10:33 am

SL

Haven't run across any weird folks in this forum yet, so you should be good to go.

Ahem, Stephanie - - just 'who' are you calling weird? I do not have any weird friends; friends with different lifestyles - yes, weird - absolutely not!

All together now........"Weird' to those who don't understand us"

Thanks for the explanation but you DO indeed have some weird friends.

Can't imagine why someone would 'act' gay if they weren't. That's weird!!!

Stephanie

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Sun Nov 13, 2005 1:12 pm

You're right, Stephanie - - anyone who would act gay, when they're not, is definitely weird!

Maybe it's time for a new set of friends?

I already have some new friends here - can't beat that, and wouldn't want to try!