Bending gender

[TracyQ]

well, I guess my position is that I will never be a woman, even if I had the final operation. That's just me now, I know my post-ops would take exception to that statement, and that is fine, that is their worldview. All I ever wanted was a place in the world where I wasn't judged by how I look. I do understand the realities of the situation, where there are just two accepted sexes/genders.

So be it, then. That reality leaves me out. I know I am not making any sense. And I know that a woman's life is no bed of roses, either. It's just that I have expended so much, so much mental energy trying to find myself, and I am just tired of it all. I remember one time, when I was seeing an experienced SRS therapist and she said that she rarely thought about being a woman, she just was. I wish I could have back the hours that I have wondered what I really am, a man or a woman? So many hours.

I remember a couple of novel that I have read about "feminine men", I forget the names. One had a minor character that was a man that ran a bordello in New Orleans. Maybe his "women" were transvestites, maybe not, I don't remember that part, but he dressed as a woman all the time himself, and the other madams knew he was a man, but it didn't make any difference to them. Another was a novel about prison life, and one of the characters lived as a woman, as much as he could, of course. I don't want to go to prison, but I envied that character, in some ways.

I hope that I will be embarrased by these postings in a couple of months. If not, keep the faith!

[Absaroka]

Actually I do feel mild sexual attraction to most of the women I am friends with. But it's just there. I don't act on it and it doesn't get in the way. If I was single maybe I would. Actually some of my GG friends are former lovers but it was a very long time ago. Now and then I'll tell them they look nice in a way that a woman might not, and in a way I would not to my sister or daughter. But for me it has always been a case of accept it and move on because after all this is just another human being. So to expand on Ronnies point there is no reason why a man and a woman can't have a solid friendship even if sex is sometimes involved, even bearing in mind that I have never been able to have sex with a woman without developing some sort of special affection for them.

Absaroka

[Anita]

I have certainly had friendships with women in the years before my TG adventures began. At least two of those friendships got shipwrecked by sexual involvement. There is always that possibility.

As I read Absaroka's post, and Ronnie's follow-up, I'd have to say that I might not have had friendships like those. The closest I came might have been the friendships I had with ex-girlfriends. I was not troubled with the worry about re-kindling the flame, with either of them, so it was easy to get into some intimate talks.

But more of what I'm experiencing is that I can go into a more personal conversation with women that I've just met, if I'm dressed as a woman. At a lesbian birthday party I went to several years ago, at least four women told my "birthday girl" friend that they really enjoyed talking to me, and one said, "I could have talked all night just with Anita."

So for whatever reason, I have a more satisfying connection with women when I'm appearing to be one myself. They talk to me differently, and it's hard to explain what the difference is exactly. They let down their guard, and treat me in a familiar way that I have seldom if ever experienced in any other way. As intimate as long-term relationships can be, they aren't the same as allowing more of the personal into day-to-day conversation.

I'm stumbling over words, here, but when I'm back in male mode, I just can't evoke that type of feeling; I hit a wall. And it stands to reason that I wouldn't have seen models for how men and women interact more as intimate friends; it probably only tends to happen when it's one-on-one, or when there are only other women around.