Who would you like to found out by?

[Valerie]

I have thought of this and wondered what everyone else thought. If it happened to me, I would rather be found out/talk to a female. Not sure why,but I think they would be more able to understand then telling another guy. But you never know,do you, . Also would it be someone you already know or a stranger (therapist?).

[Rony]

I don't believe I would tell a stranger, and I don't concider myself in need of a therapist, if I could or would tell anyone I'd wish it to be my SO.
I'm just not confident that our 45 yrs relationship could survive this knowledge. I maybe selling my SO short but I'm not risking it, at least not at this time.

[Absaroka]

The people I have told have been selected on the basis of the relationship I have with them and the kind of people they are. It didn't have anything to do with gender.

As for telling strangers vs people I know, back in college I once shared this with an entire class in my childhood development class. About 100 people. I didn't know a single one of them which made it okay. There were more women than men in it and that may have made it more okay. But truthfully since those were the mid 70's and feminism was quite strong in that school and in that class, it was more of an antogonistic gesture. It was in the context of talking about childhood resentment of women and all the power they in a classroom where oppresion of girls was accepted.

Most of the women there did not like "sugar and spice" and felt girls would be better off if they could have more "snakes and snails and puppy dog tails" An idea I agreed with wholeheartedly and still do. My resentment came from the "ladies first", "don't hit girls even when they hit you first" and "don't sit down till your mom and sister are seated" In talking about this I said that I thought my playing dress up as a boy had something to do with jealousy of the percieved power that women had over men that they could get them to agree to such absurd rules.

In general the reaction was that what I said was thought provoking and interesting. The discussion of crossdressing was greated with friendly laughter but that was due mostly I think to the way I presented it- I intentionally presented it as something funny.

I never regretted talking about it. Also never felt the need to do it again. But I wouldn't have done that with friends in the class. The whole thing was sort of like treating the classroom as an encounter group.

Absaroka

[Virginia]

If I may take some poetic liberties with this.

It would appear to me that women, the more intelligent, open-minded of the "female persuasion" would be more accepting. Seeing "us" as one who sees the beauty, strength, intelligence of the female of the species and wishing to emulate them.

The male, knuckle-dragging Neanderthal out there immediately see us as not necessarily a threat, but an influence. They immediately begin touching themselves all over and thinking, "Oh, my God, what if, Oh NO! what if I have some of that in me," and from Shakespeare, "out! out! damn spot!"

Yes, the female of our species, in general, would seem to be the better of the two options to "come out to!"

Just this girl's opinion!

Virginia

[ShamrockFaerie(SO)]

I think you gals aren't giving men enough credit.

Yes, alot of men would feel threatened and even resentful about CDing, but that's simply because they don't understand. Truthfully, this question is the same as asking a homosexual "would you rather come out to someone who is gay or straight?" Well, obviously it would be less awkward to come out to a gay person first. They already understand what homosexuality means, and explaining yourself would be much less complicated. But what, exactly, would it accomplish? Would you be teaching anyone anything? Probably not. If a homosexual came out to a straight person.... well, that would take courage and strength of character. It would mean taking a step (no matter how small) in the direction of helping someone understand an alternative lifestyle, and it would show that you aren't ashamed of who you are. The same goes for a M to F CDer who comes out to a man rather than a woman.

But like Abrasoka said.... It really depends on the specific situation and your relationship with that specific person. Maybe carrying gender labels or restrictions in this case is wrong, because isn't the whole point of CDing to break out of prescribed gender labels? Just a thought.

-Tiffany

[Stephanie W]

I would agree the relationship of the person you wish to tell would be the most important consideration. Beyond that, I have absolutely no desire to tell any male about me, but would have no trouble sharing it with an interested female. Why? Just because. Perhaps better understanding or more empathetic? While there are plenty of guys out there who might make for a receptive sounding board, I think many more are too hung up on their own masculinity and macho bravado to understand someone they may perceive as 'less than their equal'. If only they knew that it takes a real man to wear a dress.

Stephanie

[Lisbeth]

The first person that I ever tried to tell about my CDing was a therapist.
He was less then helpful. After many weeks of trying to screw up the courage to open up to him I finally brought it up and tried to explain what I did and how long I'd been doing it. After I shared the biggest darkest secret of my life with someone that I thought would kind of understand and help me to understand it also all he said was "They do that a lot in England." Needless to say, it was a very long time before I even thought about trying to share my secret with anyone else.
About 20-25 yrs later I had another therapist (another in a long line of) and this time when I told her she actually talked to me about it. I give this woman a lot of credit for my being comfortable with who I am today. She was one of the greatest influences in my life.
I really can't think of one man (or boy) that I've ever known that I would even consider tellng. I'm blessed with a wonderful and understanding (for the most part) wife that knows and isn't afraid of it all anymore. Her daughter has known for a few months now and we have truly grown closer over our shared trust in each other.

For me it isn't even a question. Right now I feel like I will never be able to trust a man with my "secret identity" but, so far the women in my life haven't failed me.

Lisbeth

[Absaroka]

Of course ladies, since most of us are really men here we obviously feel talking about this with other men as long as we think they'll understand......


Absaroka

[Kimberly Kael]

I'm not the least bit surprised by the landslide of "female" answers so far. After all, what brings us together? We all feel more comfortable identifying with our feminine side, so it seems natural that we'd expect to find something in common with someone we feel we have something in common with.

In practice I think my answer would be a little more complicated. I'd be more comfortable being found out by someone who seems to be comfortable with some form of gender ambiguity than someone who is firmly "anchored" in a single gender role. I seem to find tomboys easier to talk to than your average girly-girl, for instance.

[Kendra Lynn]

Hello All: In my experience females have generally been more "accepting."
Even in the left-ish/alternative circles I hang out in, some of the men find CD-ing difficult to deal with.
The results of this poll so far are 100 % in favor of a female finding out about CD-ing, and I'm not surprised at all.
Peace-- Kendra Lynn.

[Carla L]

I've been found out by my wife my daughter and my son. I told my brother also. I am most comfortable talking to my daughter, she is so accepting.

I've also talked to several makeup artists at good stores, the wig shop owner and I was comfortable in all cases. I don't think I would feel so well talking to guys about it.

[Valerie]

I am not to surprised about the findings so far with my poll. I myself feel that I could only discuss Cding with a female. A few relatives (females) in mind I could talk with but have not yet. Also there is a therapist in Columbus that deals with gender issues that is a female. Have thought at times about emailing her to see if I really need her help. If only I wasn't so backwards and would just open up and talk with someone, I probably would feel better when I am down, .

[Gaven McLaren]

I had to vote woman. Women seem to be more understanding then men in this case. Sadly males are still raised to think anything outside of the norm sexually must be "gay" there for bad.

[Chrissie]

I checked woman, even though the first person who learned of my cross-dressing (half told/half found out) was a male, and he was VERY sympathetic and wanted me to dress in his presence. Nevertheless, I have felt closest with women.

chrissie

[Alana]

In general I would prefer to be found out by a woman. I think most women are a bit more accepting/accomodating than most men. However, as others have indicated, a lot depends on the individual.

I have purposefully come out to several women and a few men at work as well as relatives, but they were chosen on the presumption that they would be neutral to somewhat accepting. Am not ready to make a general announcement to the world.

I have been further outed to several woman and men (all managers) in the office, in part due to poor choices in purposeful outings. There have been what appears to be increased reservation in dealings by some of the people that are now aware of my crossdressing. However, most of it appears to be neutral. There was some concern of the development of a hostile work environment if my dressing became common knowledge at the office. The managers were informed so that they could quickly put a stop to any situation that arose.

Anyway, be careful about being found out or coming out. It doesn't always work out for the good.

Love ya!

Alana