Hmmmm...Should I tell my Mom?

[Miss Emma]

I am 16...I have been a cross dresser since I was about 3 or so.....long before I knew it was "wrong." Anywho, In the last few months, on a random whim, I told one of my friends..Lucky for me, she has both lived in Europe and is "Bi-curious" as she puts it. Needless to say, she was excited about the whole thing. The next day I told my BEST friend, and she was also really open, as well as supportive of it. A few monthes after that, my last friend in my small band of companions knows. That is 3 people...That's it.
Now to get to my point. After I told them, I began to research about cross-dressers, and found a furom, and from there I found this.
After reading various threads, I began to want to tell my mom. After all, she is extremely open to these kind of things, and even lets me use her eye-liner (luckily I can pass it off as being "emo".....well, kinda...im not really emo in the slightest, and my friends all know this)...However, I am just not sure how she would take it......and then I wonder, do I event WANT her to know, do I want to break down a wall of security and stealth I have been building my whole life? What so you girls think I should do?

[Stephanie W]

Welcome Emma

At such a young age, it's nice to see you comfortable enough to want to come out. Times certainly are-a-changing and that's great to see, so good for you.

If your Mom is as open-minded as you say, then sooner or later, I would get around to telling her. It would make living at home that much easier if you don't have to hide everything, and if she is supportive, who better to turn to if you ever need someone to talk to? Good ole Mom! If she has a problem with it, hey, you can always tell her emo made you do it.

Best of luck if/when you do tell her and let us know how it goes.

Stephanie

[Kimberly Kael]

That's a tough one for anyone to answer but you. I'm definitely a believer in working towards open, honest communication and mutual understanding but I haven't figured out how to approach either of my parents on the subject!

For what it's worth I do think it generally gets harder over time, not easier. The longer you've been hiding something the more issues get tangled up with the habit. In relationships I've found it much easier to broach the subject very early on, though this has been complicated by not fully understanding the extent of my own cross-wired gender identity.

There are two basic questions I think you need answers to before you think about approaching someone:

1. How are you going to approach the subject? This can be anything from a blunt admission to a carefully staged exploration (finding ways to talk about cross-dressing and transgender issues through movies or current events might be a good idea before committing to talking about yourself.) Keep in mind that people who aren't cross-dressers probably won't know much about what it entails. Be prepared to explain the difference between sexual identity, sexual orientation, and gender identity.

2. What are the possible reactions you'll receive and how will they affect you? This is the part that advice can't really help with, except to advise you to be prepared. The last thing you want to do is have your hopes for a positive reaction shattered and not know how to react. You should probably expect it to take a few days or even weeks for the reaction to settle, because the instinctive or emotional reaction will likely color peoples' initial response.

Whatever you decide, good luck!

[DonnaT]

Depends on how open your mother is, I reckon. And how close of a relationship y'all have.

So, if it's as good as you sound like it is, then tell her. Heck, if you've been doing it since the age of 3, she probably knows a bit more than you think she does.

Don't make it sound like a problem, especially a serious problem. Tell her you want to open up to her about some things going on in your life so you two can be closer together.

[Carol Ann]

Hi Emma,
In my case I had to come clean with my mother at 14 when she caught me dressed. Now it wasn't a simple thing took a while for her to weight all the facts but one Friday evening when she came home from work she had a complete set of cloths for me to wear and told me not to wear her anymore AND I had to keep it in the house. Things just worked out from that day on.
All depends on your mom

[Ann Stef]

"Only the mother knows for sure", a Bahamian song line. Your mother may know more that you think. Borrowing her eye liner pencil seems to be no problem. Perhaps ask to use a little lipstick for the same "emo" reason. In time you can tell, or she can figure out your style.

[Stephanie H]

Hi Emma,
Mothers have an inane ability to understand very complex issues and subjects when it concerns one of their children. By having open discussions with your mother, this or any other issue, there is developed a bond that in my opionion will never be compromized or critically rebuked. So, with this in mind, remember, she is the most important person in your life to provide you the understanding, compassion and direction that as a young adult needs at this point in your life. Open up to her and look for assistance, guidence and direction.